I know exactly what you mean when you say you 'don't want' to do this. Sometimes life throws you things that you really feel as though you can't handle. You will do it whether you want to or not and you'll do a FANTASTIC job. In 10 years time you will look back on this time and be so proud of yourself for getting through it. Remember you're a brilliant mother!!
I lost my mum in the Jan and then my DH in the April, and had a 9 month old DD. I look back now, I was 23 , and think how did I ever get through it.
My DD and I did, and you will too. We did it hard over the years financially. then things come your way, and you get by, it's not the fairy tale life, we all dreamed of, but you will find a life that is fullfilling.
Right now you really need to take one day at a time, it wont be suffering and misery for the next so many years, it's just right now, you are in the worst of it, so it's hard to see anything postive.
I helped a young g/f who is a single mum, get her own place, and budget when she thought her life was at it's end. You really need support and some direction right now, and everything will fall into place.
If you really feel your accom is a **** hole, can you look online and apply for another unit, one that, will be more pleasant for you to spend time in ? That may be step one.. Perhaps one quite close to your mum, as you will need to draw on her for support.
wouldloveabubba, that must've been really hard, I don't know how I'd cope. I really appreciate that and I hope it does get better, to be honest DP is in prison for domestic violence so the only way I'm coping is by organizing to meet with police officers, prosecutors, DV victim support etc. and keeping tabs on the case and planning my next action to try and help him, "On Monday I'll call and see if the police agreed to drop the charges" sort of thing (which they didn't for those who are interested). If I actually DID let this go I don't think I'd be able to cope with even having DD, my parenting has gone downhill fast since he left. I'm so upset I can barely function.
I can't afford anything else sadly, even the one bedroom I have now is tiny and expensive in a dodgy suburb.
You should contact the your maternity hospital and tap into the psych unit. Hopefully there is a mother and baby unit local to you that you can use to get back onto your feet.
Im not up to speed with what your going through atm, with your dp, Im sure the whole police situation is stressing you out beond belief. I am not sure if you want to stay with him, etc,etc, however I wish I could put an old head on young shoulders ( I am 41) and try to get you to focus on you, and think of ways that will make your future better for you.
Your dp will have a lot of support through the prison system, have you spoken to the jail, and asked to be put through to welfare, they will be able to help you, they are run by churches a lot of the time, and the people are very very helpful.
NeeNee - If you need any help of any kind, feel free to PM me, even if it's only for a chat
I've never been in your situation (and never want to be) but I just want you to know I'll be here for you
Now, I haven't read all the replies just yours. It concerns me that you mention suicide. Do you feel that you want to hurt yourself? If you do you need to reach out. I understand life seeming so so dark that there is no light. But there is ALWAYS light. Always. Sometimes we need help to see it - but it's there.
If you feel very desperate I want you to pm me. I can help you with some contacts. Your baby and your daughter need you my love. And you know what? You need them. You are a family. Not the family that you envisioned. Not at all how you thought it. But you can do this. You really can.
Keep talking in here. Keep reaching out.
Now, your partner is in prison for domestic violence. Sweetheart that means he has hurt you so badly that he is now a criminal. He is violent. He has hurt the Mother of his babies. It's not okay. Leave this to the police. Now is the time to be strong. I believe that DOCS could help you with accomodation or even relocating you.
YOU have got away from this man for now. That is a blessing. Now you need to stay away. Men who hit women very ery very rarely change. You are so very young witha wonderful wonderful life ahead. You can have a relationship with another who will not hurt you, emotionally, spiritually, physically or financially. There are wonderful parters out there.
I want you to pm me if you feel you can't cope and I will help you with contacts. Alternatively you can reach out to your largest local hospital. The police that are dealing wit your case and I am sure they will have referred you to a social worker.
This is a dark time but it WILL get better. sending you love and support.
You can also apply for the relationship crisis support group here on BB...
Neenee - I've just noticed your in Perth - Whereabouts? I'm in Perth too - and if you ever need anyone to go out and have a coffee and a chat, I'll happily meet up with you and have one If you need ANYTHING at all - PLEASE don't hesitate to PM me!
Hi Neenee,
I'm thinking of you hun, i'm going through a smiliar situation. Everyone just keeps telling me to "pull it together" but unless they're in the same or similar position I don't think they should really judge. Everyone deals with situations in different ways, we just have to find the way that works for us and sometimes that takes time and mistakes. Don't let anyone judge you, you are doing the best you can and that's all anyone can ask.
xxoo
Last edited by Little Bean 09; August 23rd, 2009 at 08:16 AM.
I couldn't read this without responding....I'm not trying to upset you or anything but, well...
It's time to pull yourself together. You need to start thinking about this baby, not yourself and how much you miss this guy. He did the wrong thing, you won't see him for awhile. It's not the end of the world.
We have ladies on this forum who don't see their partners for months on and and have to endure the worry that their partners are getting their butts shot off in Afganistan or something - and they get on with it. You have to as well.
You have family and friends rallying around you for support and ffs, out of respect for the care and love they are giving you, you have to do better. Your feelings about this guy are bordering on unhealthy.
Take this time away from him to really asses the situation, maybe grow up a little.
If it seems like you are the only one fighting for the relationship, it's probably true. It's time to think of the worst case scenario and make a plan for if that happens.
So you might have to raise this child on your own. That's not the end of the world, and it's a chance you (and everyone really), takes when you choose to start a family.
Come on chick, it IS time to pull it together.
xoxoxoxo
ETA - LB has edited her post so this might not make much sense now!
Last edited by Lulu; August 23rd, 2009 at 08:52 AM.
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Remember you're a brilliant mother!!
If you need ANYTHING at all - PLEASE don't hesitate to PM me!
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