Single Mum- relieved but scared

**Peta20** · February 18th, 2008, 07:03 PM

Hi Everyone,

I'm new to being single, let alone single parenting! i was with bubs father for 3 years. It took me along time to realsie i was in an emotionally abusive relationship. When we first got together (i didnt know at the time) he was addicted to alot of different drugs, i ddidnt actually find out until many months down the track and was in too deep. it's so hard trying to change a person who has had these habits all along, in the end he stopped taking drugs- but fell back onto alcohol instead. There were so many times i wanted to leave, but felt guilty- and felt like if i were to leave him, he would wreck his life- go back onto the drugs etc, wind up in jail or dead. It took me 3 years to realise he was wrecking mine, and that now with bub (whose now 6 months old) i couldnt let him wreck hers to. I had no control over anything- he had all the money (which he uusually spent on alcohol) i had my fortnightly payment from centrelink ($300) which i had to buy grocerys, nappys and pay half the rent. He said wen i could go out, he hated all my friends and even wanted to stop me seeing my sister.
i woke up to all this wen bub was 3 months- he was never there- always out drinking and when he was there i wished he wasnt. all of my friends and family had been tryin to tell me this, but its so hard to see when u dont want it to be like that- i was pretending to everyone else- i fooled myself. i mad eup so many excuses for him, his absences and behaviour- i think i started to believe them. Getting out wasnt easy- threats, crying, guilt trips (which are still ongoing) but i managed to do so with the support of my sister and friends (you really know who ur friends are when u hadnt been able to see them in so long, and they r still there 4 u in a time that

u need them). so nw im starting new, with a little bub, just trying to pick up the pieces- whre to go from here? i feel scared, relieved , guilty and confused but am going to be strong 4 bub.

**~Kaz~** · February 18th, 2008, 07:12 PM

Hey Peta - just want to send you a big

and say well done for having the strength to do what is right for you and your daughter. Leaving situations like that is so so hard, esp if he is threatening you. Just take it one day at a time darl, and don't be too hard on yourself. This site is filled with really supportive people (male and female). Stay strong.

**Hoody** · February 18th, 2008, 07:18 PM

Well done on been brave enough to leave that all behind you and for putting you and your baby 1st. You must be such a strong person

BB is a great you will find lots of support here. Your sister and true friends must be so pleased to be seeing you take such a positive step forward. I am not a single parent but one of my closest friends has 2 little ones and is all alone, she has no sisters or other friends just her parents and myself and she copes amazingly- i'm sure once life settles down for you you will too. Just remember even though you needed to leave and i'm assuming it was your choice you still have to allow yourself to grieve iykwim. Take one day at a time and b4 you know it you will be wondering why you stayed so long. I have been in a relationship with a drug user and they are very manipilative so dont let him make you feel guilty.
take care of yourself.

**Isadora** · February 18th, 2008, 08:15 PM

Hi Peta, good on you, by the sounds of it you have definately done the right thing there. Well done for realising you were in a bad situation and got out fast. Firstly I guess do you have a safe place to stay? Also check with centerlink if you havent already done so, I'm thinking you would be entitled to more money now that you are a single parent. Sounds like you have good support around you with your sister and friends. All the best hun.

**Peta20** · February 18th, 2008, 09:02 PM

Thanks everyone- it's nice to feel supported in what im doing. i do think -know that it's the right choice for bub and me. I'm lucky my (twin) sister moved up here not long ago so i'm staying with her (which she loves havn bub n me around more) not much luck with centrelink so far, ive had to apply for my birth cert. as i had to leave quickly and didnt grab alot of things, theyve taken money off of me until i get id check- im so lucky to have my sis otherwise i could have been on the streets. All of my friends and family that have stuck by me are thrilled and are really doing anythin they can do to help me. I just feel a bit stupid for staying in that relationship so long. It's nice to have this site here, it feels alot safer or less scary then talking to people about it- i think i just have to rebuild my confidence a bit b4 i can really trust anyone again.