reallyreally scared

[katypila]

Im 24 single and pregnant
Im reallyreally scared about being pregnant and being a mum alone, ive been crying almost non stop for days and even now i can't see the computer screen through my tears
i know who the father is and he knows that I'm having his baby . he says he wants nothing to do with it. over and over the other day he was saying i should get an abortion. as if my reasons for keeping the baby are stupid. I can't kill something that is alive inside me I dont think im irrational. or stupid. he thinks the child will be soo messed up because it wont have a dad and because im mentally ill, like im sub human .

my eyes sting my nose stings i dont know if i make sense i cant eat cause i want to vomit Im so tired Im scared
Im scared
really really scared

[lilima]

Do you have a close frined or family member you can talk to?If you don't keep positing in here as everyone here is so lovely and will send you heaps of cyber support.

[Eenee]

well you have come to the right place. There is so many wonderful people here that will able to give you support or answer any of your questions you have.

As megiemoppit suggested do you have friends or family members that can support you?

[kirsty_lee]

pretty much what all the other girls have said. And it might be worth while babe to join one of the private support groups, such as the Depression & Anxiety one. It's fantastic and there are alot of women in there who will welcome you with open arms and it will help just incase you want to remain anonymous if the father of your baby is going to go through the boards etc...

[rhyb]

Sweetie Im 19 a single mum of one and expecting triplets and Im doing it so you can too. Im not gonna lie its hard. I live with my grandparents and soon itll be 7 of us in a 3 bedroom house but its just til Im on my feet with the girls. They love it and my son benefits from it and you know what? He hasnt seen his dad in months. Hell his dad doesnt even live in the same state and my son is fine. He knows he has family that love him and that look after him and thats all a child needs. Aiden and I share a room (the other room is for the girls nursery) and we manage without falling all over each other
You ever need to talk PM me darl

[tattoo_mama]

hey hun i was in an abusive relationship and left my ex when DD was 2 weeks old and i loooove being single!!! i suffered from PND and went to a mother baby unit for 4 weeks and have had family and friends to support me and u will be fine aslong as u have supportive ppl around, all the BB girls are fantastic too, join a belly buddies group too.

do you have any friends who have kids? ive moved in with my friend whos partner works away and her daughter is 1 yr old and its been great not just for me but for DD to socialise

[katypila]

thanks for replying
I'm still crying even after a long sleep
I have family and friends but haven't told many because its only few weeks along.
mum and dad know. I live with them I don't know whats going to happen with accomodation there's no room for a baby here

[Kazmar]

Im so sorry to hear you are being put through this! Your child will NOT be messed up, he/she obiously have a loving, wonderful mother already!
Try your hardest not to doubt yourself or let him convince you of such bull!

You will find great support here and maybe check in your town if there are any groups with singl mummies?

[Butterfly Child]

Awww Hun Im so sorry your feeling like this. it is really hard babe but you no what when you see that little babies face it will all be worth the struggle your having now.
i went through the same thing xp left me in the early days when i was pregnant and told me i should have an abortion too and wen i didnt he left.. but you no what its the best decison i have ever made in my life!, As hard as it is try and enjoy every moment it is so special, i think the early days are the hardest with finding out and the morning sickness it will get better i promise.

If you ever need any support someone to talk to im always here babe i know how hard it can be xx chin up hun and Congragulations on your pregnancy

[Lulu]

Might be a good idea to stay away from this guy for awhile ok? He is doing nothing for you right now. don't worry about accom right now. Babies don't take up much room in the early days xoxoxoxo

Kids get more messed up by twat fathers than absent ones..

Come on in here any old time you like.

[Butterfly Child]

Oh i forgot to Add but Lulu reminded me

I live with my parents still and i wouldnt have had it any other way seriously especially in the early days like lulu said they dont take up much room and your parents will love having your little bub around im sure( i felt the exact same once i found out that i would be a nuisance and that there wouldnt be much room etc) trust me. My parents often we are so lucky they absolutly adore DD we only live in a 3 bdr house with 6 but you make it work hun they say they wouldnt have it any other way and im sure your parents will be fine babe

[brydz]

Be strong sweetie.

You can do this. You and your baby will do good

I have a friend who got pregnant to her ex, they tried to live together in a house and take care of their little man together, but still not be together.
Yesterday I found out he kicked her and the baby out. What an ass. She is better off without him.

And one of my 2 best friends is pregnant, her ex dumped her after finding out she was pregnant, didn't want to be a father, pulled the have an abortion line etc.

I think they will both be fine. And I think you will be.

at the moment I'm in limbo, waiting for AF to come, and if it doesn't and it turns out I'm pregnant I'll probably be in the same situation as you guys as well! IF i turn out to be pregnant I would keep it for sure, but the father is a close friend and I don't know how much he'd want to be involved/not involved. Will have to wait and see.

[Dotty_R]

Im 24 single and pregnant
Im reallyreally scared about being pregnant and being a mum alone, ive been crying almost non stop for days and even now i can't see the computer screen through my tears
i know who the father is and he knows that I'm having his baby . he says he wants nothing to do with it. over and over the other day he was saying i should get an abortion. as if my reasons for keeping the baby are stupid. I can't kill something that is alive inside me I dont think im irrational. or stupid. he thinks the child will be soo messed up because it wont have a dad and because im mentally ill, like im sub human .

my eyes sting my nose stings i dont know if i make sense i cant eat cause i want to vomit Im so tired Im scared
Im scared
really really scared

Hi,

My partner had been saying the same things since I was 6 weeks pregnant, im 20 weeks now and he said he would leave if i was having a girl, we found out its a boy and he made no difference,

he says he hates the baby, he hopes the babys stillborn, and just today he left me,

Iv been crying my eyes out all day,

i dont have anything wise to say to you, because this is still very fresh for me, but if you ever want to talk, Id like it alot.

[Stevie]

oh dotty r you poor poor thing

you guys can do so much better. real men dont walk away from the responsibilties.

If you ever need to talk, im here

[livvy]

hey dotty honey,

i see you don't have any private message thing available.

sweetie i have to say i'm really worried about you. what would ever induce anyone to say anything like that is just plain appalling and sick. in my opinion you need to walk away now. it does not need to be permanent but he needs to think that it is. call me a manipulative b**** if you like but i just think that you need to make a really strong statement. how he reacts will show you what you need to know. i'm only 23 and have been having issues with my ex, but nothing as bad as you hun.. what you're experiencing right now is just not acceptable on any level.. do you have anyone to turn to? family? friends? a counsellor? even your midwife might be able to give you some names of support agencies. because you need all the help you can get. he is not worth the strain. your wellbeing is so important right now because everything you feel, your beautiful baby feels.

please dotty, let us know how you are. how's your pregnancy going? is everything okay with bub? is he busy? does he bring happiness to you? i know i would be lost now without my bump. he keeps me company when things are scary or sad.. seems to know when i need him, he'll make his presence known.

you need to show the father just where he stands. if he doesn't want to hang around so be it, but make sure he knows he can't come back. he won't be allowed to push or baby around. just cut him off. either he'll embrace the isolation or be desperate for you to relent. look to others for your support now, like your friends and whanau. you deserve it. i can't emphasise this enough. you deserve all the love and support in the world right now.

and katypila, hun, please let us know how you are. i know you were still just in teh first week really of knowing, so i guess anything could have happened. are you still pregnant? i am a great believer in the will of the universe. if you are then this is how it's meant to be. that's why i'm pregnant (to a man who i care about but who can get f***** if he trys to push me and baby around). but if you're not then maybe the time isn't right, and there is someone waiting just around the corner to make you incredibly happy and want you to be his life partner and the mother of his children. but if you still do have your gorgeous baby on board, then there is a reason for that. maybe s/he will be your life calling, regardless of who the father is.

you know hun. if you ever need to talk i'm around, and i check my mail most days. so if you want to set up your private message service i would love to hear how you're going. and just remember: que sera sera - what will be will be.

[rhyb]

Dotty R honestly this is when we wipe our hands clean and be strong for our kids. We can do it by ourselves and believe me my son doesnt miss out on anything cz I dont allow it. My friend Joel will play ball with Aiden and play cars with him on the floor for ages cz sometimes Aiden just likes to have a guy around but he never cries for Joel or Daddy cz hell make do with me
We play in dirt and kick the ball and do all that stuff thats refered to as father/son stuff and hes not phased.
While its great to have a 2 parent family its not necessary to raise a gorgeous well rounded child.

[Dotty_R]

Thanks everyone.


This morning i started bleeding and ended up in hospital with a partial placenta abruption, He said he didnt care and would even answer the hospital calling him,

He msged me shortly after and told me he was leaving me,

Its fairly sad, I can honestly say when we were TTC i never imagined this is where i would be now,

today as the lowest of lows, when someones ment to care about you most they leave you.

[Mellybubz]

Hey Darlin,
Being a mum is tough, especially by yourself. I know how hard it is when you have people screaming at you to have an abortion too. They have no idea what it feels like to have this beautiful little life fluttering inside of you.
All I can suggest is dont ever be afraid to ask for help as there are lots of support services available out there. A lot of area health services will have support groups for young mums under 24 and some places even have services connected for mums experiencing mental health issues after birth.
I had a mum who had schizophrenia and a dad with bipolar disorder. I was lucky in that most of my life they were mentally well as they were reasonably well controlled with their medication. I was also lucky to have some very supportive aunts, uncles and grandparents. My parents were great becaus e I think they paid more attention to me and my feelings and emotions as I was growing up. They also had more time to spend with me then the average parent. I turned out ok. I'm now a nurse and studying my masters degree. Admittedly I did have a bit of depression for a little while but other then that no mental health issues.
Dont ever be afraid to ask for help as there is lots of support available out there for you and your beautiful baby.
Lots of hugs
Mel
xox