I thought I'd start a new thread as I would like to say hello to the women out there who are, or have been, single during their pregnancy.
Congratulations on choosing life (flash back to bad eighties t-shirts and WHAM!). It is a unique position to be in. There is plenty of help on the technicalities of everything on this site, except negotiating the emotional and legal concerns of the single pregnant woman. I would love to chat with you all on whatever it is that concerns you at any time.
And me? I had a one-night-stand with an old friend from Uni, I'd seen him twice in the ten years since then. We'd spent one night together way back then too. He was one of my favorite people, but he has since refused to acknowledge me or his son, has never met him, refused to sign the birth certificate, hasn't talked to any of our mutual friends about it, and THANKFULLY lives interstate.
For me at the moment, I struggle every couple of days having this thought - "maybe TF would love to see this photo, maybe, if I just called he'd speak to me, have something to say . . .maybe . . .
It's so boring, I really need to stop doing this and do a little more of this , and maybe lay off the smilies for a little while
hi uncle amy,
i was a single mother from 5 months pregnant, i broke up with XP because he was a dropkick with serious mental and emotional issues, and lucky me didn't find out about those little quirks until after i fell pregnant... *sigh*
so yes, congratulations on choosing life as well!
i think when a woman falls pregnant, she kinda knows deep down whether or not the pregnancy is meant to be... sounds corny i know... owell life is pretty corny when you think about it... although it can be quite a ***** as well...
Do you know where TF lives? you could try writing him a letter... writing a letter is the best way to get your point across, they will most definately read the whole thing because if they dont the suspense of not knowing what was in there will kill them! and also they can't hang up on you, talk back to you, cut you off, or be an ass in any way! its great, you'll get you're issues off your chest and feel so much better trust me
you know, this may sound a bit selfish and evil of me, but i think you're lucky the father wants nothing to do with you and your DS, its a lot better than if he was threatening you to take him away from you or turning up at your house all the time demanding to see him... my XP was a bit like that after i broke up with him n was still pregnant, he would threaten me that he was going to get a court order to be present at the birth(i almost died of laughter when he said that because theres no such thing), or he would take me to court and take him off me, and that he would find me and see his son with or without my permission etc... at that point i cut contact with the bastard completely, i've since moved interstate & he only has my phone number now, no address or anything, and none of my friends or family will talk to him so i'm pretty safe...
but yeah, just write him a letter, you never know, and if he still doesn't want a bar of you then don't worry about him, the quicker you forget about him the quicker you can get on with your life and be happy once again!
ok, enough babble from me i think...
I was single right from the beginning. I was working overseas on a cruise ship and seeing a guy from Jamaica for about 3 months. About 2 weeks after we broke up (i called it off because i didn't want to be in a relationship) i found out i was pregnant. I was so excited! I didn't actually think that i could have children. So i came home 2 months earlier than planned... with a little surprise to tell everyone!
I also found it extremely difficult re: finding someone to talk to about legalities etc. Its such an emotionally confusing time, without the added pressure of being a single mum. I wish that i had found this website while i was pregnant, but i didnt come across it til Toby was 2 months old.
Having Toby was the best thing i have EVER done. I love him even more than i thought i possibly could!
I just burnt my dinner and lost the message that I wrote so I'll be brief
Question - breastfeeding, which is fine but he is slow on the uptake of food and for the last few days I haven't been able to feed him at all, though he eats at daycare and with nanny. I figure he just gets too much smells from my milk to take food seriously when I'm around. Is there any particular smell I can wash with that will hide the smell? do I need to invest in a lead vest?
Melsky - I send him about a dozen emails and called - brick wall. I only told 1 of our mutual friends and TF refuses to talk to him now believing he's 'on my side' - such a boring way of looking at it. I guess I'm struggling to accept that someone I previously believed was intelligent and brave, who is loved by so many of my friends, is such an a$$ hole
TT My sister got me on to BB straight away, and I am so grateful it exists, but although there were plenty of women to keep me bouyant and strong, none came forth that had had this experience and with regards to birth certificates and centrelink I, like you, was on my own. Plenty of theories abound, but no concrete - "this happened to me and this is what I did" stuff. I'm hoping that we can remain in touch with this thread to offer our support to other women who are sure to come. And perhaps to exchange ideas on how to juggle a baby with the washing, cleaning, showering etc etc etc
I would also like to let you know that I wont be online every night, or sometimes not every week or month - being single from the start can be so much more tiring than the same experience but with a cuddle at the end of the day! You know this and same goes for you I'm sure.
I found that due to time contraints I was so much more distant from my belly & baby buddies, and it just added to my loneliness, i want to try my best not to forget anyone, no matter how long it's been since they posted last
My god what a crusader perhaps i should invest in a CAPE - will that hide the smell of my milk, or do babies have x-ray vision?
Uncle Amy that was what did my head in and stressed me the most, the birth certificate and centrelink stuff! I guess people dont come forward because of the legal side of it all but id be more than happy to help anyone who finds themselves in our situation. Sure would have saved me a lot of tears along the way!
Im not sure where you live, but in victoria, its almost impossible to not have the fathers name on the birth certificate (and i totally understand this). I dont want to offend anyone who believes that in all circumstances the dad "must" be on the birth certificate, but it's not always as straightforward as that. Toby's dad is on his. He lives in Jamaica, the government doesn't collect child support from Jamaica, he has never and probably will never see Toby and has only e mailed twice this year. Yet, with his name being on the certificate, i have to now have permission from him for all sorts of things such as a passport. By the time Toby needs a passport, i can pretty much guarantee that i will have absolutely no idea how to track down his dad. Which means we will have to go to court to explain that i dont know where he is, to be able to obtain a passport without the fathers signature.
I may be wrong, but i've been told that this is the process.
At the end of the day, you just want whats best for your child.
Single from the Start
and do a little more of this
, and maybe lay off the smilies for a little while
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