What a terrible thing to have to find out, its horrible how often you hear of that though, the woman being supported by a couple turning around and having an affair with the husband.
I think you are behaving in a mature and rational way and are a fantastic role model for your son.
Single parenting can be hard but it can be wonderful too, we on BB are all here for you so you are not alone.
Kate, I hope you are finding the support you need from family and true friends right now. I would ignore what xH might be saying to everyone else, he will need some sympathy and support from his family and friends, but he's hardly going to be fooling them with the reasons for your split. You need to focus on you and your DS right now, nothing else.
Have you sought legal advice as to your separation?
I think that ultimately he's trying to guilt you into reacting a certain way by saying that he won't see Lachlan if you leave. And d'ya know what, I think you should call his bluff on it. Correct me if I'm wrong, but even if he signs over custody he will still be required to pay child support, and if he chooses not to take advantage of any access rights, then it's his loss. Sure, Lachlan will most likely experience some confusion initially, but ultimately, what will he get from a role-model who is prepared to use him as a bargaining chip?
You've left because he's admitted to long term infidelity. The only reason he told you was because it looked like he was going to get dobbed in anyway - he's not thinking of you, he's made a pathetic attempt at damage control.
As for 'not being able to talk to his brother', well, isn't that his brother's choice? He's again trying to manipulate your reaction, although it's not unusual even in an amicable split for one partner to 'take custody' of any common friends, if for nothing else but to avoid discomfort in social situations, it sounds to me like he's attempting further damage control. Firstly by trying to have full control over the story so that he can continue to play the victim, and secondly, by making you feel isolated from your own support network so that you will return to him.
You are right in that you are handling this a lot better than he is, with much more dignity and maturity. How he's reacted gives a really good indication to his personality - he may want you back, but he wants it to be on his terms, and he's quite prepared to continue to manipulate and deceive to get what he wants.
Stay strong sweet - there will come a day when you are really glad you walked away, even if it's not today.
MissKate - I'm so sorry to read this, what a horrible thing for you to have to go through. I have no real advice or wisdom for you, maybe only that I wouldn't just let him walk away from his son quite so easily, unless you decide it's what you think is best for Lachlan. But most of all, just wanted to give you lots of . You sound like you are handling things with a lot of strength & class - and a whole lot more maturity than he is.
hey girls...
he has done some things correctly... he told all of his family why we have split up and that its not my fault which is good.
last night i rang him to see how my boy is (at this stage he is having him 3 nights a f/n) and i said to him how i had had a really bad day
he said to me 'yeah, well i have those every secoond day so no sympathy from me' i was furious!!! HE did this to ME! he is not allowed to try to make me feel bad.... he should be sympathetic to my feelings, he is the one who broke me.... ugh, it sucks. i cant beleive that he is playing the victim in all of this....
Last edited by misskate; January 18th, 2010 at 08:36 PM.
: oops... butter brain
I think you need to stop worrying what he thinks it's quite obvious he doesn't care about your feeling by the affair I doubt he's gonna change now and all that will happen I'd you will feel crap, I've been in this situation and I so hoped talking would make a difference and he would realise and love me again Or even just feel bad about what he did and make all those grand gestures to prove how much I meant blah blah blah you can't force ppl to love you or change
you are a strong women, get some irl friends to complain to and us girls here and don't waste the breathe on him he's just gonna try turn it on you to make him feel better and justify himself in his own head.....
Icouldnt read this and not post, im so sorry for you and you little man. i havent read all the posts but you have had a lot of good advice, i hopw you can find a way for your boy to have a relationship with his father and that X manages to step up to his responsibilities and realise that he is a major *beep* and has no right to tell you what to do/who you can talk to!!! Or for him to be lost in self pity!
Im at a loss as to why people do this to thier families !! im sorry you had to get hurt!!!
Oh sweetheart. I couldn't read that and not give you some big squooshy hugs. You should be so, so proud of yourself, hun - you've conducted yourself with the utmost class, dignity and with your child's best interests foremost in your mind.
The other ladies have given you some great advice and support, I haven't been where you are now so I won't sit here and pretend I have even the slightest inkling of how devastated you must be feeling... but just know that you have my support and a huge, HUGE pat on the back for handling this ridiculous situation with such integrity. Keep that gorgeous head of yours held high, hun, and know that we're all behind you.
*hugs*
Oh Kate,
I'm terribly sorry for you relationship ending like that. I have only just found this thread & by the sounds of things you are one classy lady who is clearly too good to be in a relationship with Craig. He doesn't deserve you and you deserve a whole lot better than him.
I commend you on making such an awful decision, but I think you made the 'right' one for you and your little man.
I wish you the best of luck!
Jayne xx
What a horrible thing to have to go through. I am so, so sorry. How could someone you thought was your friend do this to you. How could your partner do this to you, more to the point.
You made the right decision, leaving him. You are such a strong person for doing this. I admire you as a single Mum too.
It's disappointing that he seems to be trying to spin the blame back onto you and make out like it was all your doing. If he doesn't want anything to do with Lachlan, why is he still talking to you? Block his number and get on with your life! And how dare he try to make you stop talking to his brother, especially if you have been friends for years! He isn't your boss!!
You won't be able to get closure and get on with your life if he is still there pestering you. He is in no position to boss you around and tell you how to live.
Best of luck sweetheart, remember that we are all here for you if you need to vent! xx
I haven't read all your posts, but all I want to say is push on. You can do it.
Him saying he doesn't want to see Lachlan sounds to me like his way of trying to control you. You love your baby & want him to have a dad & that might be enough to make you stay.
Trying to control the people you talk to? He never had that right before, don't give it to him now.
And finally, screw him! It is poor you. He did this to you. He did this to himself. He doesn't like that people are telling him what a **** he is for doing this to you! I say let him deal with it. He brought it all on himself.
If you give in & go back hun, he may think that he's gotten away with it. He'll just think next time he has to be more careful. Don't set yourself up for disaster.
Be strong xx
Misskate i hope you are so proud of yourself for being so stroung and courageous..and not playing victim but thinking of solutions and moving on, you are an insperation
I just want to say I am sorry that he has turned out to be such a dog of a partner. I wish you and your little boy every possible happiness in the future. I totally agree on getting some legal advice re: custody and child support. You both deserve better than this. xo
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What a terrible thing to have to find out, its horrible how often you hear of that though, the woman being supported by a couple turning around and having an affair with the husband.
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