well, im single :(

[misskate]

hey girls...
he has done some things correctly... he told all of his family why we have split up and that its not my fault which is good.
last night i rang him to see how my boy is (at this stage he is having him 3 nights a f/n) and i said to him how i had had a really bad day

he said to me 'yeah, well i have those every secoond day so no sympathy from me' i was furious!!! HE did this to ME! he is not allowed to try to make me feel bad.... he should be sympathetic to my feelings, he is the one who broke me.... ugh, it sucks. i cant beleive that he is playing the victim in all of this....

[~Serenity~]

I think you need to stop worrying what he thinks it's quite obvious he doesn't care about your feeling by the affair I doubt he's gonna change now and all that will happen I'd you will feel crap, I've been in this situation and I so hoped talking would make a difference and he would realise and love me again Or even just feel bad about what he did and make all those grand gestures to prove how much I meant blah blah blah you can't force ppl to love you or change

you are a strong women, get some irl friends to complain to and us girls here and don't waste the breathe on him he's just gonna try turn it on you to make him feel better and justify himself in his own head.....

You took the first step now keep on stepping

[*LittleMissSummer*]

I couldn't read your post and not give you a BIG i think you are such a strong person for keeping it together for yourself and for your son.

[Ryatha]

I couldn't read this and not leave you

I think you are doing really really well and handling it so much better than can be expected. Give yourself days to grieve what you have lost and then remember you can move forward to better things. Don't respond to the games that he seems to be playing, but also don't be surprised if he gets angry that you don't respond. He is probably trying to deal with the guilt he is feeling and will try to take it out on you. After seeing a number of friends relationships break up recently, I've seen it way too often.

Hope tomorrow is a better day for you

[Inanna]

I am so sorry my love

Not only have you been betrayed by your partner but by a woman friend. This is a double blow & it hurts badly - unfortunately I know from personal experience.

Hold your head up high darling & knwo that this will pass. You will get through this difficult time & you will find strength and courage where you didn't think you could find it.
It's normal to have really bad days - and really good days where you think you're fine. It's part of the rollercoaster unfortunately.

Are you only seeing your little boy 3 nights a fortnight? Is this okay for you? I am just asking as you had said your ex partner was going to "sign custody" over to you?
I would definitely get some legal advice honey. It's really really important. It doesn't matter if you "think" right now that you can agree amicably to parenting issues and division of any assets. The fact is it almost always doesn't stay amicable. You need to have some advice on the legalities of it all honey, That is the best advice I can give you.

Sending you strength and support xxxx

[Pandora]

... Are you only seeing your little boy 3 nights a fortnight? Is this okay for you? I am just asking as you had said your ex partner was going to "sign custody"over to you?
I would definitely get some legal advice honey. It's really really important. It doesn't matter if you "think" right now that you can agree amicably to parenting issues and division of any assets. The fact is it almost always doesn't stay amicable. You need to have some advice on the legalities of it all honey...

I was going to ask about that too? Id go get some legal advice earlier than later. Also if one person registers for legal aid (shoule you want to) the other partner is blocked form accessing it.

[Mummato2]

dont get me wrong, im really glad that i have mad a decision, and im almost certain it is the correct one... i just dont know why i am the one that got hurt, but he is trying to pull me into his pit of self pitty.... its ridiculous, i am being more calm, more mature, and apparently handling it a bit better than him????

The reason he is doing this is guilt.....first reaction when someone knows they are in the wrong is to try to bring down their partner and cause them the same guilt they are feeling.

He is trying to make himself feel better by making you feel bad about a situation he has put himself in.

I had a dog ex that sounds just like yours - don't be hurt honey. Look at your beautiful boy and think that is the one good thing that came from him. Look forward and keep going because you are at the beginning of your new life

[YoYo]

Kate, what an awful thing to have happen so suddenly.

He is trying to make himself feel better by making you feel worse by the sounds. He sounds totally PO'd that you are clearly taking it better than he THINKS you should have taken it....ie he probably wants you to be totally devastated grovelling at his feet and that you forgive him.

You sound very strong and have yours and Lachlan's best interest at heart. You are doing the right thing.

[Shanti]

Oh hun, the girls have given great advice in here... nothing more I can probably add but just some of these stay strong. You certainly deserve to be treated way better than what you have been. How awful.

Best wishes in the future for your little boy and yourself.

[Stevie]

i couldnt read this and not post, you poor thing


i dont have words of wisdom or even advice just *GBH* that im sending your way xxx

[misskate]

i made a mistake earlier... craig has him 3 nights a fortnight and i am devod when he does, i miss him so much....

i do have my family and friends and his family all supporting me but i am glad i can talk to other people on here about it because you are all not so emotionally involved, my family is hurting too so they are a help to talk to, but they only see my point of view... i like to get outsiders thoughts on some things...
i rang him before to see how lachlan is, and he goes
'you dont have to ring you know, i dont ring you when i dont have him...'
i said, 'im not checking up on you, i miss him and want to talk to him'
stupid bloody games

[Inanna]

awww honey... You just keep doing the best thing for Lachlan & that will be the right thing Please seek legal advice honey - tomorrow!

[~clover~]

I haven't read all your posts, but all I want to say is push on. You can do it.
Him saying he doesn't want to see Lachlan sounds to me like his way of trying to control you. You love your baby & want him to have a dad & that might be enough to make you stay.
Trying to control the people you talk to? He never had that right before, don't give it to him now.
And finally, screw him! It is poor you. He did this to you. He did this to himself. He doesn't like that people are telling him what a **** he is for doing this to you! I say let him deal with it. He brought it all on himself.
If you give in & go back hun, he may think that he's gotten away with it. He'll just think next time he has to be more careful. Don't set yourself up for disaster.
Be strong xx

[misskate]

there is certainly no way i will go back....

[~Serenity~]

Misskate i hope you are so proud of yourself for being so stroung and courageous..and not playing victim but thinking of solutions and moving on, you are an insperation

i agree get legal advice asap.

[krysalyss]

I just want to say I am sorry that he has turned out to be such a dog of a partner. I wish you and your little boy every possible happiness in the future. I totally agree on getting some legal advice re: custody and child support. You both deserve better than this. xo

[Amity]

Definitely go and get some legal advice. And counselling - it's marvellous to just blab everything out to a complete stranger who won't judge you but will just listen!

Good luck honey. Certainly from his behaviour he's definitely not long-term partner material.

[LionsandBears]

What a horrible situation to be in. Well done on staying so strong and doing what's best for you and your son.

I agree with pp about getting counselling and legal advice. It will help you emotionally when you're not feeling strong, and also let you know where you stand re: custody etc.

Re: Your ex. One of the things I learnt with break ups is you really need to have 6 months of no contact, in order to get yourself through the pain without rehashing it. Obviously that's impossible for you, as you have a child together. The thing is the person we're used to turning to when we're in pain is the cretin who's inflicted the pain in the first place. So reaching out to others and getting counselling will help arm you against whatever he throws at you.

Right now, he's like a naughty kid in the playground who's been busted for hurting another child. He feels resentful and defensive, but probably not remorseful. He's been punished in some way, by having his toys taken away. The only way he can express his anger is to take it out on his victim, so he'll start to bully them, suck them in, manipulate them, then turn on them again.

So he'll tell you he doesn't want his son to make you feel guilty, he'll tell you how bad he feels, because he's in the naughty corner, not because he's sorry for what he's done to you, but because he's lost his family and his extended family and friends will think he's an idiot. Not only did he do the dirty on you, he was sleeping with a mate's wife - that won't go down well in the extended friend network.

What may help is if you write on a notepad a bunch of words and phrases that he might/does throw at you. A bit like Bulls$%^ Bingo. What are the horrible, manipulative things he'll say? Include the "poor me" stuff and the "it's your fault" nonsense he'll come up with. Write them in the notepad and keep it near you when you're on the phone with him. You can tick off phrases and add others he comes up with. This may help you maintain emotional distance from him during this time.

Wishing you lots of strength during this time.