Why Would She Say No?

[Cupcake]

Once again..not sure if this is in the right spor...if not feel free to move it mods

Background info ... ever since DP and i have been together DSD's mother has been asking for more child support, as long as ive known him he has always been paying more then CSA ask...some of you that are familiar with my story will know my frustrations with DP's ex

Currently DSD is in preschool, starting 'big school' in 2010. Now i thought this might be a huge financial burden on DP's Ex (Lets call her "S") so suggested to DP we offer to change their child support arrangment (he thought it was a great idea)...being that it is a private arrangment this wouldnt be an issue provided both parties agree.

I suggested we cease the weekly cash deposits into S's bank account and instead would foot the bill for ALL School fees, uniforms, excersions, extra curricula activities etc ... i get a text saying "no thanks im fine paying for all of Miss K's schooling" ... im trying to HELP her, i know that it would sum up to A LOT more then the Child Support we are paying plus it would directly be benefitting Miss K?

On average how much would you pay for school, sports, uniforms etc per year?

Ah well, you can lead a horse to water...

[Lulu]

I'll get back to you on the $$$, but just because she says no, doesn't mean it can't happen.

Is it a private school?

It might even be cheaper for HER to pay since she has a HCC, she may also get a rebate..maybe why she says no?

[Trillian]

Maybe it's easier for her to accept cash but what you're offering might seem like charity to her?? Dunno. I sure know that if someone offered to pay for my kids uniforms I would take it.

[Cupcake]

mmm not a private school, but even still with uniforms, class trips, all that stuff surely it has to be expensive...

I guess the main fact is that we offered? She may feel differently in the long run...who knows

[kawazuki]

hmm strange. maybe she is going to try and stop DD going to teh private school and if she says she is paying and that she may say its to expensive etc etc and send her to the local public school.

i know if someone offered to pay my kids school fees etc id jump at teh chance.

or maybe she doesnt realise teh costs involved in private schooling and things your trying to get the cheap end of teh bargain and you will be better off doing this and she will miss out on something.

[misty]

If it is a public school, then it probably won't cost her that much unitl her DD is older. Ie, at public school - fees are optional, school uniforms can often be picked up cheap or secondhand, text books are provided (loaned) to the students free of charge, school excursions when younger tend to be cheap or free, etc.

If you are talking private school then that is a whole other kettle of fish. Catholic schools are somewhere in between.

She may not want to do that now, so don't worry about it - but once high school comes into the equation then maybe you could bring it up again?

[Lulu]

Well you asked her and she answered I spose....

[Cupcake]

Thanks for all the responses ...

[murraysmum]

im still slamming my head against a wall we pay a fortune in csa and well atmtrying to reduce it in my dps and ex wifes divorse she got the lott and now shes *****ing cause her and her other half busted up and she only works part time and well she needs the money which is close to a thousand a month to help her live pfft the kids 5 dosent cost that much to feed and water i also offered the olive branch of we will foot schooling but nope she want have a part of it


i hope you find a solution cause i know the frustation ur feeling

[Cupcake]

mis tree im not sure as to why she came to that decision, im sure when the time comes and she needs the help we certainly arent going to say no, but should she ask for more money (on top of CSA money)..we will be paying the school directly lol

Thanks again for the responses!

[HotI]

Why would she say no?

maybe cos she would prefer cash, rather than her ex dictating where the money gets spent.

(i have no argument either way, but that would be my thought if i was in her position)

[Cupcake]

It is not us dictacting...its us trying to make sure the money is benefiting his daughter, thats all.

[HotI]

Sorry, just trying to throw something in there that she might be thinking.

[Cupcake]

no worries good to get all types of views on any situation

[Inanna]

Ammaki I would suggest too it sounds a bit too controlling to her. I know that's not how you mean it - just step outsde the circle and look at it from her perspective. If it were me it would perhaps feel controlling.

State school grade one is really not expensive at all - so what you would have to pay for wouldnt be in most cases really xxy...

I think it would just be run of the mill to help out with the costs of uniforms and books etc & I would suggest it again early in the new year.

Murrysmum: csa is calculated on the non custodial parents & the custodial parents income & that sets the bench mark for how that child would have been cared for.

[fionas]

I'd knock back that offer too because primary school fees aren't that much PLUS if I was a single parent I'd rather know how much I was getting per week and then it's up to me how I budget it.

I don't think we'd have paid much more than $500 for DSD school uniform, fees and books and she's in high school so I think that primary school would be substantially less. Don't get me wrong, $500 is not a drop in the ocean but I'm betting the child support works out much more than that over the year.

[Cupcake]

Youre right fionas $500 is a lot cheaper then our CS, im just going off what my mum pays for my sisters school fees and its not cheap...but thats fine, it is completely her perogitive to reject the offer so we will continue the way we are now

[widdly]

As a single Mum, I would be annoyed that you guys want to be in charge of the money.

If you guys have issues with paying the extra child support, then just pay what you have to and let it be. Things are way complicated when parents break up, I say just stick to the usual rules and everything will be simple.