Surely I am not the only one that finds being a SAHM the most boring thing I have ever done?
All I ever hear is people saying it is the 'most challenging but rewarding' thing they have ever done. The only challenge I face is to not be literally bored to tears every day.
There is obviously an up-side being that I get to spend a lot of time with my DS and I know that he is always looked after well and being taught what is important to us. For those reasons DH and I think it is best that there is a stay at home parent. But that doesn't change the fact that it is understimulating, lonely, repetitive and I am completely bored out of my mind.
I do go out to mothers group, I take DS to play at a daycare centre a couple of times a week (stay with him), occasional playdates. None of it is particularly fulfilling or rewarding. The highlight of my week is now grocery shopping, which I clear an entire day for to savour the experience lol.
So am I a freak or are there other mums out there that stay home because they think it is best for their kids even though it is slow painful brain decay for you?
oh arte - you poor thing. at least you are a FABULOUS mum - even if you are bored.
TBH i dont think i could do it, i know i would struggle with it... thats part of the reasons i havemade the choices i made (which i know are not for you).
Have you thought about an online course or smething like that? or something in the evenings?
would it ever be apossibility to share sah and working with DH - if it is important to you both that a parent is at home with your kids maybe you can share that?
I don't have kids, but I KNOW I will be in the same boat. I was unemployed for a while and that was bad enough! I'd love to not work now, but a) we need the money atm and b) I still remember how lacking in motivation I was to do anything as I was just so bored!
I was at first. When you only have the one, it it pretty easy to stay on top of your game in regards to the housework etc, so once that's all done and bubs is asleep, you do find yourself at a loose end sometimes. I took up cross stitching to help keep my mind active and there were various committees that I got involved in too so I had an interest outside the home. Once more babies came along there was less time for boredom, but again, from time to time it was still there. I still had my committees etc so it hasn't ever been that bad where I really get in a rut over it though. I think going back to having only one child at home and not having preschool for 12mths before Alister starts will bring the boredom back though.
I do enjoy it, but like you I got bored not long after I had DS1. I ended up starting my business just to give me something else to do, challenge my mind and to give me more opportunities to interact with others. I would have gone crazy if I didn't have the business!
Bub #2 made life busier and less time for boredom though and I'm sure when #3 comes along I'll forget what the word "boredom" is LOL!
So no, you are not a freak and you are not alone .
Thanks for starting this thread! I am on day 2 of my mat leave and am already missing work! Work was my social life too and I felt so fulfilled by it. I know when Blake arrives I will have more to do - but am already getting "criticism" for my plan to work PT after 6 months. People keep saying things like "you'll never get the time back" or "its time to sacrifice your career for your family". I may surprise myself and lov being a SAHM -but there is nothing wrong with not finding it to be "enough". Everyone is different and has different needs - I am lucky that I won't "need" to go back financially - but may need to for my own sanity and sense of self IYKWIM.
FWIW - IMO - having something mentally stimulating for you (work or otherwise) even if it means some time away from your children, does not "harm" your kids. I subscribe to the "happy mum, happy kids" school of thought.
I find I am busy, but at the same time bored and stressed. I really do not find housework stimulating, I do enjoy cooking and I am not very good at "play" with the kids. I agree with you about the loneliness. To me whilst playgroups, ABA etc are helpful for that, I am still home alone without adult conversation most of the week. It was something I really noticed when we stayed at MIL's for 2 weeks. It was so nice to have other adults in the house.
Astrid, you have put it perfectly. It is not so much that I lack things to do, just that all the at home mum things are so boring and dissatisfying. I do the housework mostly so DH doesn't complain, I get no reward from a cleanish house. I can sit and play with DS but it is hardly stimulating. There is very little reward, even in a boring job at least you still get paid!
No chance of job share with DH, we live in a very small town so not many part time options. And he earns twice as much as me (with the exact same degree!!!) so there is no chance of him staying home. If it wasn't for the new bub coming I would seriously consider doing something part time.
I would liek to enroll in some sort of online course, but there is no way that I would have any time to actually do any of the work - DS is far to clingy and naps are few and far between these days. Hopefully when the new bub is a bit older I will have time to do something (provided my brain hasn't rotted completely out of my head).
Some days I hate it but lately I've been more happy with it. TBH after 4 years I can't imagine going back to a paid job where I have to wear a pants suit and be at central by 9.
I've started doing a course on saturday mornings. It's nice to get out of the house and talk about non-baby stuff with grown-ups. Also it's nice to be stretching my brain a bit.
I hate house work and DH has really slacked off over the last couple of years which drives me nuts. About 50% of our squabbles are about housework - he complains that the house is a mess, I tell him to get off his butt and help me clean it and then it's on
Arte: seriously sista you're gunna need to get some time back for yourself. even if this is to do something really simple like an hour of yoga class one night a week. it might not be the 'dream' distraction, but doing something that is separate from house/baby duties is IMO a sanity saver.
there was a thread on here ages ago (it got heated, but like all good bb debates really opened up great discussions) about SAHM and finding satisfaction. it might have been deleted with the clean-up but i'll try and track it down. there were some really great boredom buster ideas and i reckon it was good just to read about other peoples experiences etc...
before i went to work groceries were also my 'fun' time...so you are soo not alone on that one!
I felt the same way. I decided to go back to work when DS was 7mths at the time it felt like I was giving him away, but the walls were starting to cave in. The only friends that had children in my circle moved to Sydney and Wangaratta in the same month and my family are all in England. I just felt I needed to be me for a little while. DS loooves day-care it's like his second family and with working part-time I know there are 2 days where DS and I just do fun stuff all orientated around him. The weekends are a bit of both play, cleaning and cooking.
Now he's at this great age where we can do crafts etc I sometimes wish I was home but I know that soon enough the walls would be caving in again!
lol ladies sometimes the supermarket shopping is my FUN time too - i have to admit i kinda like it...
bummer the job share thing isnt an option arte - but i agre with the others some time out doing a course (even if it isnt a 'work' course that needs you to complete things) like a yoga or craft or whatever is your thing will do you the world of good...
For me we moved interstate leaving behind all family & friends.....with a DH who is often away from home for work. When DH is away I get extra bored, I play with DS but his attention span is very short & often it gets to me. It feels like ground hog day each morning doing the same things to keep busy. Then when DH is home we can't ever go out & enjoy ourselves as we dont have any babysitters at hand.
I know what you mean about feeling unsatisfied, & brain going to mush. Though like me I'm sure we will have our hands full once the next one comes along.
I got to playgroup 2x a week & a playdate each Thurs, I need to keep out of the house & busy so I don't go mad. I did work 3days a week up until I got shafted in Jan & I've been at a loss ever since. I'm desperate to open my own business offering decent & funky kids stuff to the people of this town as we are far from shops & don't have much to choose from & I luuuuurve shopping....but alas we can't afford it sob...sob.
You are not alone & thanks for starting the thread!
I found being a SAHM very boring when I was in the thick of it, but then when I went back to work full time after Flynn was born (and I was pregnant with Oliver) I idealised that time to the point where I resented workng. Then once I was home full time with both kids I was dying to get back to work, but once again soon started imagining how much happier I would be to be a SAHM.
THEN I LOST MY JOB!
I unexpectedly found myself without a major part of my identity - my career - and I very quickly realised you have to be careful what you wish for.
The moral of the story, and the conclusion I have come to - I want it all. At the same time. I want all that goes with a full time career (the responsibility, drive, money, respect, and dare I say, power) AS WELL AS everything that goes with being a full time mum (the time to be with my children, volunteer my time, cook lovely meals, keep a clean house, and have coffee with the girls). But I don't want to be away from ,y kids all day while I work and I don't want to feel like I am in groundhog day cleaning the same kitchen bench every day!
So, what do I do?
For someone who is an atheist, I suprisingly take solace in a passage in the Bible. To everything there is a season. A time for everything. Now I tell myself it is my time to work while my DH is home with the kids (he feels as you do, by the way!) but at some other time it may be my time to be home. I just have to try to see the good in my situation at the time, to make it as interesting and bearable as possible. All that said, I think the only way I can handle being away from the kids now is knowing when I am home with bub #3 (yet to be conceived, by the way!) I will have one more stint as a SAHM. But I just KNOW that after a few months I will be dying to get back to work....
Sorry Artechim I didn't mean this post to be so preachy, but I am feeling a little philosophical tonight
Arte - yes I enjoy it...BUT only when I have an "outlet"
For me that has always meant at least half a day/week of 'me time' while my DD(s) have been in FDC. At times it has meant classes (eg meditation, first aid, candle making, languages, poetry-writing !!!), at times it has meant study (night courses/correspondence), and at times it has been indulging my love of cinema - in the day time by myself! Sometimes just getting out for an hour of op-shopping or the chance to sit and read a newspaper (in peace for once) in a cafe with a hot (for once) coffee is all it takes. Would you consider occasional care or even home-based care in order to give yourself an out?
I literally lasted 8 months with DD1 before the cabin fever well and truly set in. Like you we'd moved and so my social networks were thin on the ground. One or two truly entertaining like-minded girlfriends can make all the difference. I have those now but didn't then. In fact it was the isolation that I found the hardest. On the upside, the kids tend to get a little more interested in stuff and can be entertained for longer with activities as they get a little older, which means you can do other things (always in short spurts LOL).
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Do you enjoy being a SAHM?
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