Worried she'll let her CIO

[Heaven]

No idea where to put this thread.

Anyway, at the end of this week we're going to visit my Grandma for a week. While we're there we have to go out for maybe and hr and leave DD with Grandma. I am so worried she will let her CIO. She keeps telling me this is what I have to do and to stop rocking her to sleep etc. And she's told me stories in the past how ppl have left their babies with her and they were 'spoilt' when they came but she let them CIO and 'fixed' them. Ahhh!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so scared. I have told her this is not what we do and it's not ok but I think she'll just think 'whatever, she doesn't know what she's on about, I'll show her' iykwim.

Don't know what to do

I think DH is just going to have to stay home with her. Not sure how we're going to do that. I also feel bad like she'll think we don't trust her with DD (which I don't!! LOL, but I don't want her to think that!).

She's also on at me that DD is probably hungry (won't take no for an answer even though she wouldn't have any idea!) and that it's stupid about waiting to 6 months for solids. She better not try and give her any food!!!!!!!! OMG. Can you tell I'm totally stressed about this?

[feeb]

i would be stressed also.

Your baby your rules if they dont want to adhere to them they dont get to look after her.

Good luck

[Epacris]

Lots of hugs

I also feel bad like she'll think we don't trust her with DD (which I don't!! LOL, but I don't want her to think that!).

I totally understand how you feel about that! Such a tricky one.

But... even if your Grandma does let her cry for a whole one hour, it probably won't do your DD any damage. It's the prolonged periods of crying without any attention over long periods of time (like months and years) that people are really worried about. And, you know, it will probably be totally fine, she'll bounce her on her knee the whole time 'cos she's so cute she won't be able to put her down.

Sometimes Grandmas are all talk. (I know mine are)

[Heaven]

A whole hr is ages to cry. She once cried for 20mins in the car and was all red and sweaty and shaking when I finally got her out. I just hate to think of her crying wondering where I am and being all upset

[LaDeeDa]

This is JMO but I wouldn't leave her with your Gran ..... especially if you feel so strongly about it.
You've chosen to raise your little girl differently to her beliefs and unless she is willing to acknowledge them it'll end in tears.

GL Hun

[jamakin]

O that is such a tough situation .. i would hate to be in your position.
imo if you are that worried i wouldn't leave her. but i haven't left ds with anyone for that exact reason, i can't bear the thought of him crying while were gone.
i'm sorry if thats not what you wanted to hear, but its just my opinion.
i do sympatize with you, and hope it all works out ok.

[Heaven]

Yeah I don't want to leave her. She hasn't been left with anyone yet!
Maybe I'll try to time it when she won't need a sleep.
DH doesn't want to leave her either tho so he prob will just stay home.

[boomba]

Hun if your not comfortable about leaving her and worried she wont uplhold your wishes i wouldnt leave her there.
If you dont let her cry an hour is a really long time and i personally would be devestated if that happened to DS.

Talk it over with your dh and decide on what is best for you and your sweet little girl xxxx

[sneakysparkle]

how stressful for you hun..
I hope it all works out for you

[Jakabella]

Can you and DH take her with you??

[lilima]

If it really doesn't sit well with youto leave her, then don't. Gotta go with your gut instinct.
In saying that, she probably would be fine, expecially if it is during a time that she doesn't need a sleep. Then they can just have a nice cuddle together, or go for a walk or something. have you thought of taking her with you, but taking Grandma aswell? THen Grandma can care for her, but you wil lbe there too

[dust]

just me, but i wouldnt leave any baby/child of mine (regardless of whether its a family member) with someone, if i didn't trust them... id rather play the safe side than be worried constantly the whole time i was away from them.

[Epacris]

Well, if you feel that strongly about it, and you feel you can't ask your Grandmother to look after your DD how you would like her to, then don't do it. More hugs

[Shanti]

I cant' believe your Grandma won't listen to you and would let your DD CIO!! That's so disrespectful to not only your DD but to you and your DH also.
YOUR baby, YOUR rules.
I probably wouldn't leave my DD there if I knew she might do that.
As for screaming/crying in the car for 20mins... I know what you mean... it's awful... my DD did it for 1hr once when she was 6wks i was on my own it was heartbreaking even stopping the car didnt help! but yeah making a baby CIO in their cot on their own is VERY different!!!

[Heaven]

I'm not sure if we're allowed to take her. I'm going to try and see if she'll come with us and just look after her while she waits for us. That would be better!!

[Shanti]

Yeah good idea!! I would do that!!!

Also, you don't know if she'd try to feed her anything while you're out too!!!

[Just Me]

If you are only going for an hour - could you try putting your DD to sleep before you leave? Would she stay asleep at least an hour while you are gone? Just a suggestion in case you feel really stuck. I would try not to leave my kids with people that I don't trust either, but sometimes it is easier said than done and there are ways that you can manage the situation (like putting them to sleep before you go) if you don't have a choice. Do you feel that your Grandma is safe enough to look after your DD in every other way or do you have other concerns as well?

My SIL recently looked after DD and DS while I went to a work function with DH. SIL and my brother both think we give in to DD too easily when she is unsettled. She is 2 now but still cries when she is put to bed in an unfamiliar place and will work herself into a state of hysteria if she is not settled. She can put herself to sleep at home, but we usually have to settle her when we are out and have to put her down somewhere she is not familiar with.

SIL has a DS 3 weeks younger than my DD and they let him CIO. It worked for him, but not for my DD. I tried letting her CIO to the point that she was clawing me to try to hold on whenever I took her into her room. So we used a settling technique and find there are times we still have to do it even though she is 2.

Anyway, we left her with SIL and my brother for an evening. When we got back SIL was completely beside herself. DD cried when put to bed and SIL thought that she would just make her cry it out. DD cried hysterically for 3 hours. I felt so awful. I was also a bit annoyed at SIL but in another way was glad that she had seen that the CIO method doesn't work for all babies and toddlers. I wish that DD didn't have to go through that though. SIL will not babysit for us anymore. I don't want her to anyway, so it is no big deal to me.

There is no real point to my story, I was just sharing my experience of leaving my kids with a person who believes in parenting differently to me. I don't think it harmed DD but it certainly didn't make me feel good about what happened.

Anyway, I hope you can come up with a solution.

[Willow]

Maybe I'll try to time it when she won't need a sleep.

That's what I was going to suggest. If I had to leave my children with anyone when they were young (usually MIL), I'd time it so it was during awake time and I didn't have to worry about the sleep factor. Easy peasy!

FWIW, I think she's all talk. I remember minding my nephew when he was a few months old. My DD had always just been put in the cot, settled if needed and then left to go to sleep. I knew my nephew wasn't a good sleeper but figured I'd give my method a go...I lasted about 2 mins of him crying before I went and picked him up! It's one thing to hear your own child cry and know what that means and how to soothe them but with someone else's baby, I had no idea so wasn't going to risk him getting too upset.