I'm fuming. Is this right?

[Melly01]

XP just called. He has basically said, the business he started has been merged with another business. Something about him earning $60k a year at the moment, and something about shares will bring it up to about $100k. He has asked that we set up a private CS payment agreement because:
He doesn't want to have to pay "too much" in CS
He doesn't want me supposedly "living off" his payments
That he doesn't want to be paying so much so that in a COUPLE of years, when he wants to buy a house, he will be able to. (DS & I are living with my mother at the moment, otherwise I doubt I could afford rent, food, and child care payments as well as all the other stuff I'd have to pay if I were living alone.)
And if I don't agree to a private agreement he will go after formal access rights.

I did an estimate and the way things are now, it's estimated he should have to pay:
$1005.58 per month
Annually $12067.00
Weekly $231.26

He currently pays $36.19 per month, that was only just changed from $25.98 per month.

I think he must be worried because it's almost the end of tax time, and I'm assuming he hasn't done his tax yet.
I don't know what to do.
He doesn't even see DS now, and I tell him he can come whenever, unless we have other plans then he'd need to work around that. He called at Easter to try and arrange something and we had a couple of busy weekends so I asked that he come up with something else. He then suggested that maybe DS shouldn't know his father.
He doesn't call just to ask about DS, or talk to him, it's always something else. He has called maybe less than 10 times since the start of the year. It's so frustrating, he chose to move away from DS, so that it is more of an effort to see him. I don't drive and I am on parenting payment single as well as studying full time, so I cannot afford to take DS to see him at the moment. Plus the verbal abuse I suffer from him doesn't make me jump at the chance to go all the way to Mudgee and be stuck there to be yelled at and berated in front of DS.

I am just so mad, I'm shaking and I want to cry. Why does he think he can be a father when he feels like it? And why does he not think his own son is entitled to what CS thinks is a reasonable payment?

I told him I would look at what the estimator comes up with and then try to come up wth a "reasonable sum" based on that. I think I will have to call them tomorrow as I cannot cope with this at the moment. It's just unfathomable that he would suggest that.

Sorry, I think I needed to vent more than anything.

[~clover~]

I would tell him you are sorry, but legally you can't do anything. Every other father has to pay the same percentage for their child. There's nothing else you can do.
Ask CSA to collect if you need to. Then he has no choice. His rate will adjust when his tax is done, but thats not your problem. Your DS is his responsibility too.

Oh & I'd say a CSA debt might just have an effect on his home buying.

[Janine1511]

He sounds like a complete jerk!

If it says you're entitled to a certain amount based on his pay, then he should pay that amount! I know nothing about how CS works and wont pretend to, but I think you should call them, inform them of the situation and see what they have to say about it. I'm sure they will have helpful advice. He shouldn't be able to bully or blackmail you into agreeing to a lesser amount than you're entitled to.

Good luck with your situation, I hope it all works out for you!

[GlitterMum]

hope this doesnt come across as to abrupt but personally i would say stuff him, cough up the cs your entitled to. That cs could be put towards if not even pay your weekly rent for a nice home for you and your boy. Why should you accomodate him? It takes 2 to tango so it should take 2 to support your lil one. Imagine how much less stress you could have. Dont give in to him. Chances are he hasnt made an effort with your ds since you split, so he wont make an effort for him if he has to pay. Goodluck hun and hope i didnt offend xx

[westy]

Oh Mel

I am so sorry your XP is causing you so much grief. I can't believe he has even suggested this let alone put forward that he thinks maybe DS shouldnt know his father.....i just dont understand how anyone could not want to know there own child.

I would definately be ringing tomorrow darl and finding out exactly what he should be paying and tell him that is what you expect him to pay - afterall it is his son and this is being paid to you to look after his son, feed him,clothe him and give him everything he needs.

Goodluck darl, i really hope your able to sort this out soon.

[Janine1511]

I agree with Bee84, if he hasn't made much of an effort to see DS up until now, i'm sure it'll still be too much effort for him to start now just to spite you. It sounds like a scare tactic to try to get you to agree to his proposal.

[kirsty_lee]

These types of posts make me sooo angry for you women! SERIOUSLY wtf is 34 bucks a month going to do, seriously? Oh no 34 bucks out of 100 freakin thousand dollars!!! WTF i know that if (touch wood) anything ever happend to me and him and we didn't want to be together anymore he would give me the shirt off his back if it was in his daughters best interest. I do NOT understand why these men get soooooooo petty and horrible. your raising his child!!! I am just astounded, seriously. 34 bucks a month is pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. And 100K a year? sh** I wouldn't be sad on that wage! most families make it on 30 k and under im pretty sure on 100k he can afford a bit more than 34 bucks a month! ARGH sorry for ranting, it's just one of these things i will never understand, it's crap and i take my hat off to ALL you single parents out there, you are all truly amazing. I hope this gets better for you babe, cause right now it sounds like total BS

[Melly01]

It is just so frustrating that DS has to wait until when XP decides to put in his tax return to get a decent amount of money. I usually have $40 a fortnight taken out of my account and put into DS' so that I have money to use incase he needs more than I have budgeted for. My BF is living in the UK and trying to save money to visit us again, and he is offering to buy DS clothes and send us money because he knows how bad it can get, even with living at home, I still need to help out with bills, as well as pay my own and keep DS in clothes that fit.
My Mum used to say that the amount XP pays in CS doesn't even pay for the amount of milk DS drinks each week!

Thank you all.
I am trying to calm down, apparently he still wanted to talk to me after he'd talked to DS, but DS hung up after their couple of minutes of talking, so he left a message saying he will call back later.
I may tell him that I will contact him after I have talked to CS tomorrow. It looks like unless we both do an agreement through lawyers or something that he will have to pay equal to the estimated amount. Which is fine with me, and if I were him, I'd be happy with about $7000 a month, and knowing I was a decent human being because I am finally paying the correct amount of CS.

It's times like this I wish I could just say "How about we cancel the CS and you don't see DS."
I know DS has a right to know his father, but I'd rather be poor and happy than have a little bit more money and having him being silly all the time.
Sorry, that's probably a horrible thing to say

[Lulu]

Tell him to p!ss off. Leave it to the CSA to sort it out, don't give this another thought.

For a start he isn't going to start formal custody arrangements because he has already established he can't be arsed seeing your son - and if he does, well the little fella benefits from seeing his dad on a 'formal' basis.

FFS! You are forgetting your penis-attached-to-head visualisations aren't you?

And WOO HOO!! for more child support - you both deserve it.xoxoxo

[Butterfly Child]

Awww hunny im soo angry reading this your EX is such a ******* cant believe his doing this too you! i would be seeking advise from cs and legail aid and seeing how you should go about it.
your such a strong person and your ex will soon get wat he deserves babe dont you worry!!
Hope your allright hun thinking of you xx

[Amaunet]

Tell him to p!ss off. Leave it to the CSA to sort it out, don't give this another thought.

:yeahthat:

[Melly01]

Thank you.
Sorry Lulu, I was so gobsmacked by what he was saying, I forgot about the visualisations. I was visualising other things which I probably should not repeat!
I really need to make that "visualisation" as the caller photo on my mobile, since that's the only phone he will call. Then I can't forgot what he truely is before I answer the phone!

[~clover~]

He has to legally have his tax in by the 1st of November (I think). So it won't be too much longer. You can also tell CSA you want an adjustment done. That he's told you he's earning more than he told them. But I'm pretty sure he has to sign something saying he agrees.

[maz]

time to use your head hon.

Hang the ***** by the ball's.......if he's going to try and play you turn the coin over hon...you have the upper hand. You didnt make Logan all by yourself now did you.

Friggen gotta love ball-less men who think they can manipulate woman even after they are seperated!!!!
Hit him were it hurts hon....your son will thank you for it

[Kitt3n]

Tell him to p!ss off. Leave it to the CSA to sort it out, don't give this another thought.

For a start he isn't going to start formal custody arrangements because he has already established he can't be arsed seeing your son - and if he does, well the little fella benefits from seeing his dad on a 'formal' basis.

FFS! You are forgetting your penis-attached-to-head visualisations aren't you?

And WOO HOO!! for more child support - you both deserve it.xoxoxo

yeah that!!

babe i was in the same boat - am still but now i do have an amazing man.

x doesnt see dd - he didnt even vall her for her bday.

take the money. and if you feel guilty / bad / whatever.... - put 50% away in an account for ds for when he turns 21!

[Madham]

This also happen to me when dd was young and i never thought twice, i took and still do every cent i can from the b@stard. At one stage i was getting $17 a month, just ridiculous. Take it hun you deserve it and so does your son, make a better life for you both and dont give it a second thought.

[Marlene]

Tell him to p!ss off. Leave it to the CSA to sort it out, don't give this another thought.

For a start he isn't going to start formal custody arrangements because he has already established he can't be arsed seeing your son - and if he does, well the little fella benefits from seeing his dad on a 'formal' basis.

And WOO HOO!! for more child support - you both deserve it.xoxoxo

Lulu said EXACTLY what I wanted to say, so I won't bother typing it all out, LOL

[tiggerandpooh]

lulu said what I wanted to say too!

my ex was being such a jerk about paying CS - to the point that he told DD that I use the money on myself and would be using it on the baby when it arrived! - that I handed it all over to the CSA. His wages are garnished, they determined the amount he has to pay, and I have nothing to do with it. Its the LAW. I dont make it up. just like I didnt make the two children that he decided to have nothing to do with by myself! Don't let him manipulate you, intimidate you, bully you. He has a legal obligation to provide for his son, regardless of whether he sees him or not. The relationship he chooses to have with Logan is up to him. The financial obiligation is the LAW. hand it over to the CSA, and let them sort it out hun. And keep on visualising what a d!ckhead he is!!!