Today I cancelled my contract...

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

So, for the last 6 or 7 weeks I've been working at a materials handling company near where I live. I quickly realised that I didn't actually have enough experience for the job, but it was great pay, and there was nothing else available, so I was determined to make it work.

The only problem was, I wasn't given proper training - I was basically given a desk and a computer, and told to 'fill in the gaps' before the auditors arrive next week. I worked my butt off, doing overtime, working through lunch breaks, just trying to get a handle on this damn job. But every week, I'd be given a new piece of the puzzle, and realise that what I'd previously done may well be wrong. I spoke honestly and openly with my manager, telling her that I was not equipped for this job, that they were still going to have problems when the auditors came through, that I was sorry for not being what I needed to be. For a couple of days things seemed to be better, but then yesterday I had almost finished working on this one flamin' purchase order that I had been working on for 2 HOURS, when my manager told me I was wasting my time, as that didn't need to be journalled. So apparently, my job was to prepare the computer system for journalling, not for auditing. Which means that, if I had started with ALL the information I have gained over the last 6 weeks, I probably would've been able to finish my job in 2 weeks. Correctly.

For a few weeks now I've noticed the strain. I'm not a person who deals well with constant stress, I tend to bottle it all up. I thought it would be alright because I was a temp, and therefore there's a certain expectation that my work may not be completely correct (although obviously I wanted it to be right!). But the politics in this company are INSANE! Other departments hover like vultures, just WAITING for us to make even the tiniest of mistakes, so they can undermine us. My manager works an average of 18 hours a day, plus weekends, because she feels she has to. What kind of work environment is that?!

This morning I attempted to harm myself for the first time in 3 years. It was NOT my intention to kill myself, only to hurt myself enough that I wouldn't have to go to work for the rest of the contract. DH stopped me, put me to bed, and called my agency. Later I was asked to write an exit interview, detailing the problems I had with the company, and giving names where possible. I fully praised the staff at the warehouse, giving full names and titles, but was also honest. I asked my agency rep to read it and offer me suggestions before passing it on, and I haven't heard back yet.

I just feel sooooo guilty. I'm still stressed about the damn audit next week. The previous staff were complete rubbish, as evidenced by the amount of misfiled, incorrectly completed paperwork I waded through on a daily basis. And the new staff are not being given the chance to prove themselves, because the other departments are just waiting for another screwup! I'm not even exaggerating here, we were told in a meeting the other day NOT to question other departments about anything, just to do what was told as long as it was in writing - in which case we had to print out the email and attach it to the documentation in question, to cover our bums later. I don't know how anyone can work under that kind of stress, I certainly couldn't.

I'm such a failure; now I'm unemployed again, we've just managed to get on top of things as it is. And I've just worked 7 weeks for an employer that I dare not ask for a reference, because no matter how good they thought I was before, leaving the way I have is completely unprofessional and irresponsible.

Maybe I should take up basket weaving?

*Mods, on re-reading this, I'm not sure if it would be better off in the Depression section - feel free to move if necessary*

[Footsteps]

huni you havent done anything wrong, nothing is worth your mental health huni. please if you ever want to talk pm me for my email address. take care of yourself huni. rach xoxx

[mrsmac]

Hun no job is worth that kind of stress, its not healthy. You will find another job but the world can't find another you.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Well done on leaving! I'm sure the temp agency will find you something else and it's not that employer that gives the reference, it's the agency. So the agency will see that you have good reasons for leaving and it was the fault of the employer because you did a fantastic job, so that will be the reference.

Also, it is more unprofessional to refuse training when requested and give wrong information than it is to quit because of those problems.

[Jellyfish]

Oh wow! That sounds really stressful. I think it is for the best that you left and completely understandable. Like mrsmac said;

You will find another job but the world can't find another you.

Take care of yourself xo

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Thanks ladies It's nice to know that someone 'outside' thinks I've done the right thing! Now I've just gotta convince myself

I just told DH about your comments, and how comforting they are - and he goes 'That's what I've been saying all day!!' LOL

Oh well, back to being a domestic goddess I think, hopefully I'm better at that!

[Lulu]

The agency will want to know how crap the company is before sending anyone else there too. It's hard to find and keep good people, and sending them to silly stressful jobs won't do anyone good.

You'll find something else and the money you brought in has still helped hasn't it?

GL xoxoxo

[thepixie]

babe, some workplaces are just toxic and nothing you can do will change that. You can only save yourself. I worked in a toxic office for 2 years and the person who was my boss when I started ended up committing suicide. You've done the right thing, you need to take care of yourself.

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

You'll find something else and the money you brought in has still helped hasn't it?

I was out of work before for 12 weeks, so the money I've brought in has gotten us back on top, literally just this week! But I'm also back doing a party plan, so I'll be able to put in extra time with that, to get more out of it. I'm a lot more positive (sane?) today than I was yesterday, so that's gotta help!

pixie, that's horrible!

[Loula]

well done you i wish i was as brave

[sas85]

The thing about these toxic workplaces is they use a form of emotional blackmail to make you feel guilty, responsible and incompetent rather than accepting that it is their workplace and environment that is the problem. You have done the right thing by leaving - and I'm so glad your DH is so understanding and supportive. If you want to chat just pm me. And remember we've been assured of "sustenance and covering" even though we sometimes wonder where it will come from

[Meo]

I had a similar experience with a temp role that I was in. It was also an industry I'd never worked in before. It's the first time I've cried on the job, but it was INSANE! So good for you that you got out of your role, whether it was in a professional manner or not. Surely you can just ask for a reference from the temp agency, not the employer?

[Jennifer13]

SG, take care of yourself. No matter how bad any job is, it is not worth hurting yourself. If you are feeling so stressed you don't need anything further to stop you going in to work. Have you had counselling before? It can be really helpful to talk to someone IRL who is impartial, can give you advice on how to deal with stress and provide a listening ear.

Look after yourself and take it easy.

[Turkish Delight]

You have done the best thing for you and your DH SG. I know its great when the money is coming is in but is it worth the emotional and psychological stress it has put you through? Why try to harm yourself for somebody elses business? You will find a better job, believe me. Just keep on hunting.

I used to work in a clothing manufacturing business, where i would work my butt off because everything was just so wrong. I would go home talk and sleep work. I would cry over things when it wasn't done my way as i knew my way was the right way. I was an emotional wreck. I was even given stress leave by my GP as i wasn't coping and even then i'd be called at home for help.

I found a new job and for the past 4 years, i am happier and now know that work never comes before my health or family. Work isn't meant to be causing you harm.

You've done the right thing. I hope you get the job you are after soon.

Take care of yourself, okay?

xxoo

[Mak]

SG - the others have said it so well. You have made a difficult decision and it may take a while before you feel better about it. Take care of yourself - as they were never going to. Can you do something nice today - just a short walk or a nice cuppa out with DH/friend so you can get your mind off it? xxx

[LionsandBears]

Well done to you for standing up for yourself. I'm sorry they were so toxic you were driven to try to hurt yourself and thankfully your DH is there taking care of you. Have you had counselling for self-harm before? If not, it may help to give you more coping skills for when you're feeling vulnerable.

I was once in a job for about 18 months. I was early 20's, with little self-confidence. I worked my butt off for this small family business, researching and creating advertising programs, driving around the country signing people up, working long hours. Nearly fell asleep driving. I was so depressed, I thought I was unemployable. One day I had a long lunch, after spending 3 weeks on the road for 6 day weeks. My boss reemed out for it and I blamed myself for being a bad worker. It wasn't until I talked to a recruitment consultant about my CV & experience that I realised I WAS employable and I went back to work and quit.

No job, company or work colleague is worth your health. I imagine if it was your DH in your place, you'd be giving him the same advice he gave you - it's NOT your fault.

Let go about the audit - they created this mess. It's not your problem. And you will get another job - you'll just know faster in future to get out if it's toxic.

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Aww shucks gals, I'm overwhelmed I didn't realise so many people noticed me!

WRT the self harm - Yes, I used to go to counselling for it, about 10 years ago. TBH, it's not something I normally consider doing, even when I'm depressed. I have learned other coping methods, but in this case, I just didn't know how to get myself out of the situation I guess. The acupuncture I've been getting for fertility has also treated my anxiety/depression, but because I had to stop when I was made redundant, I've gone a bit backwards. Everything will start looking up soon!

UPDATE: My agency rep called me yesterday and offered me another job! It's only 2 or 3 days work though, but I feel more comfortable with that at the moment. $26 per hour! So obviously you were all right, I haven't been blacklisted

My exit interview was sent through to the other workplace, and apparently it has inspired the WA Manager to have a meeting with all the department heads to discuss the internal politics! They've had trouble keeping staff for a while now, but never knew why - because of the info I gave them, the manager's asked a couple of others, who have agreed with what I've said, so he's determined to change it! I can't believe it

Thank you so much for all your support ladies, it means the world to me

[Jellyfish]

I had a feeling it would all work out. I'm glad you don't usually feel the need to self harm and I really hope that if you are in a situation where you feel this way again you can come to us xo