Today I cancelled my contract...

[Loula]

well done you i wish i was as brave

[sas85]

The thing about these toxic workplaces is they use a form of emotional blackmail to make you feel guilty, responsible and incompetent rather than accepting that it is their workplace and environment that is the problem. You have done the right thing by leaving - and I'm so glad your DH is so understanding and supportive. If you want to chat just pm me. And remember we've been assured of "sustenance and covering" even though we sometimes wonder where it will come from

[Meo]

I had a similar experience with a temp role that I was in. It was also an industry I'd never worked in before. It's the first time I've cried on the job, but it was INSANE! So good for you that you got out of your role, whether it was in a professional manner or not. Surely you can just ask for a reference from the temp agency, not the employer?

[Jennifer13]

SG, take care of yourself. No matter how bad any job is, it is not worth hurting yourself. If you are feeling so stressed you don't need anything further to stop you going in to work. Have you had counselling before? It can be really helpful to talk to someone IRL who is impartial, can give you advice on how to deal with stress and provide a listening ear.

Look after yourself and take it easy.

[Turkish Delight]

You have done the best thing for you and your DH SG. I know its great when the money is coming is in but is it worth the emotional and psychological stress it has put you through? Why try to harm yourself for somebody elses business? You will find a better job, believe me. Just keep on hunting.

I used to work in a clothing manufacturing business, where i would work my butt off because everything was just so wrong. I would go home talk and sleep work. I would cry over things when it wasn't done my way as i knew my way was the right way. I was an emotional wreck. I was even given stress leave by my GP as i wasn't coping and even then i'd be called at home for help.

I found a new job and for the past 4 years, i am happier and now know that work never comes before my health or family. Work isn't meant to be causing you harm.

You've done the right thing. I hope you get the job you are after soon.

Take care of yourself, okay?

xxoo

[Mak]

SG - the others have said it so well. You have made a difficult decision and it may take a while before you feel better about it. Take care of yourself - as they were never going to. Can you do something nice today - just a short walk or a nice cuppa out with DH/friend so you can get your mind off it? xxx

[LionsandBears]

Well done to you for standing up for yourself. I'm sorry they were so toxic you were driven to try to hurt yourself and thankfully your DH is there taking care of you. Have you had counselling for self-harm before? If not, it may help to give you more coping skills for when you're feeling vulnerable.

I was once in a job for about 18 months. I was early 20's, with little self-confidence. I worked my butt off for this small family business, researching and creating advertising programs, driving around the country signing people up, working long hours. Nearly fell asleep driving. I was so depressed, I thought I was unemployable. One day I had a long lunch, after spending 3 weeks on the road for 6 day weeks. My boss reemed out for it and I blamed myself for being a bad worker. It wasn't until I talked to a recruitment consultant about my CV & experience that I realised I WAS employable and I went back to work and quit.

No job, company or work colleague is worth your health. I imagine if it was your DH in your place, you'd be giving him the same advice he gave you - it's NOT your fault.

Let go about the audit - they created this mess. It's not your problem. And you will get another job - you'll just know faster in future to get out if it's toxic.