I am going to be leaving DS with dp overnight for the first time ever, it will be about 27 hrs in total (yes I have worked it out to the hours ) DS is just over 20 mnths and I am very much his main carer. In saying this dp is the one who puts DS to bed every night and DS settles very well for dp. DS still wakes 2 - 3 times a night and from the the 2nd wakeup he still has 'boo' and we co-slept. I had a few too many a few weeks ago and dp steped upto the plate and had to look after DS overnight (dp gave DS milk and co-slept) and they both seemed to cope very well with this
I know it isn't uncommon for people to leave thier kids overnight and he will be with his dad but now it is getting closer I am starting to suffer from mummy guilt and feel like I am a bad mum for even considering going away for the night. They will be fine without me won't they? what if I break the trust we have?
it isn't like I can come home in 10 mins, I will be over 2 hr drive from home and I don't drive so dp would have to come and get me if they really aren't coping...
So from a gentle parenting perspective what age is old enough to leave them overnight when you are their main carer? I don't want to scar him for life or anything....
They'll be fine, it you who won't!!! leaving bubs for the first/second/third time is difficult.. I even hate leaving them for a full day.. you won't break his trust he probablly won't even care 2 hours drive ins'nt that bad if its nessecary you can always call and make sure all is okay
You will walk out the door, he may ask after you but then will have a great time.
It's usually the Mum who has a rough time asking all the what, if, where questions while away.
Go and enjoy yourself, yeah, easier said than done, and know when you get home both will be glad to see you even if for different reasons.
Oh . I haven't done it yet myself (eeep!) but I agree with the others - he'll have a ball with daddy, it's you who'll suffer, if you let yourself!
Even if you're the main carer, he obviously has a good bond with his daddy too and feels safe and secure with him. That's why I'm sure he'll be fine and definately won't be scarred by the experience.
You will both survive...I promise
Go enjoy yourself. He's used to your DP. He's been there overnight before without any drama's. He won't be scarred for life. If he is, mine would be more than scarred!
Its normal to be worried, but really - try not to feel guilty - because youre not doing anything wrong!
Even though you are DS's main carer, there is certainly nothing wrong with leaving him with his daddy for a day, in fact it will probably be great bonding time for them
I know its hard the first time you leave them - but try to relax and enjoy yourself
You'll probably cry more than he does, I know I did the first time I left DD#1!
For a start, there is nothing un-gentle about going out and leaving the boys to it.
The best thing you can do for him is get ready, tell DS you will see him when you get back, hop into the car, beep the horn and wave with a great big grin on your face.
Looking guilty, sad or apprehensive will give the little fella the impression there is something wrong or something to worry about.
Chug down a drink as soon as you can and if you feel a tear or two come, don't let it wreck your makeup .
Ask DH to text you with a report, xp will always text me saying "all asleep and happy" - if you can ask him to do the same it will soothe you a little.
Make sure you have a good time, after all his is with his dad and they really will be fine.
..... my sister gave me the greatest advice on this subject, she said " They need to learn to survive without you for whatever given duration and they DO more than you realise, it's a good thing for them to experience it and it gives them a great start in life "
thanks ladies, I know you are right and I am being irrational to think DS won't survive without me.... I will just have to get over this mummy guilt.
The first time I left him for a few hours were hard and he survived, when I first went back to work he survived and he will survive this. You are all correct it will be good for both my boys
ok now I have that off my chest I can relax a little next weekend
... Great you are starting to relax a bit about the situation , ... NOW do what i do when you say your goodbyes next weekend & the moment you step away out of sight of them pretend you have a button you push on yourself & press down on it & say to yourself " Whoo hoo now i'm **** (what your name is) 100% for this weekend/today "
I call it flicking the ' Mummy switch off ', even though you can't turn off the Mummy role entirely emotionally, i would say that's impossible BUT you will be more just YOU for you IYKWIM, it's not selfish if anything it recharges you
My 6 month old had his first sleepover at Nanna's two weeks ago. As much as I love him to pieces, the break was great. It's good for everyone, good for baby, good for mummy & daddy and good for nanna.
kelebek I know what you are going through - I am about to leave my 15 month old from Thursday morning until Saturday night... I have never spent a night away from her before and she is still BF to sleep at night Hope the Bear can handle it! It will also be her first two full days in day care so the poor little angel has a lot to deal with all at once. I completely sympathise!
oh pixie, I know logically they will be ok and that lot's of people leave thier babies overnight... it's just that as it get's closer I get this nagging guilt building off
*breath* they will be fine I know
I will definitely be turning off my 'mother' button off when I leave them on Saturday (thanks smiles4u)
I know!! I am trying to focus on enjoying a couple of nights in a nice hotel, with someone cooking meals and cleaning up and making the beds in the morning, meeting new people and going to a christmas party.... but I'm pretty sure when I get on that plane I'm going to be a mess!
so of course as it is getting closer I am starting to freak out and please don't laugh too loudly at me
I swear DS knows I am going to leave him or he is getting sick cause he has become really clingy and is starting to bf more often (which can be an indicator of impending sickness)
just so unsure of what to do....
Last edited by kelebek; November 24th, 2009 at 09:54 PM.
: spelling
Your stressing about it. RELAX! He's probably just picked up on it all & know's something is going on. Its been pretty hot too. He could just be thirsty.
Hope it all goes ok xx
Hey kelebek did you go? how did it go?
I went on my conference and though DD missed me she was a very good girl for daddy and did well in her first two full days of day care. I missed her like crazy but the conference was important for my new job and it felt good to just be me again. Had a great pixie adventure, met lovely people and reveled in being looked after, cooked for, cleaned up after and entertained. not to mention a couple of good night's sleep and the chance to just do nothing for an hour here and there. DD was so happy to see me and has been very clingy since I got home. if your trip is still coming up you might want to take a breast pump - I didn't and I nearly exploded!
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how will we cope? leaving DS overnight
) DS is just over 20 mnths and I am very much his main carer. In saying this dp is the one who puts DS to bed every night and DS settles very well for dp. DS still wakes 2 - 3 times a night and from the the 2nd wakeup he still has 'boo' and we co-slept. I had a few too many a few weeks ago and dp steped upto the plate and had to look after DS overnight (dp gave DS milk and co-slept) and they both seemed to cope very well with this
2 hours drive ins'nt that bad if its nessecary you can always call and make sure all is okay
. I haven't done it yet myself (eeep!) but I agree with the others - he'll have a ball with daddy, it's you who'll suffer, if you let yourself!
.
Hope the Bear can handle it! It will also be her first two full days in day care so the poor little angel has a lot to deal with all at once. I completely sympathise!
and please don't laugh too loudly at me
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