2013 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.
DD's getting AF how did you cope? What to do to prepare?
I have been thinking more and more about this after my neice whom is not even 1yr older then my DD (who is 9) started menstrating. She is not coping with AF and its just so sad as she is so young and immature and my SIL isn't coping either with what to do for her. She doesn't understand, doesn't want to wear a bra when she really needs to, has BO but wont use deodorant etc She is an early bloomer I guess you would say. Its made me realise that it could be my DD whom is very young for her age and how she would cope if she started menstrating. I don't think it is close for my DD as she still looks like a little girl but I know the time will come all to soon and for memory my neice didn't show any signs except for some under arm hairs. My DD has a rough knowledge on what a period is and why but what have other mothers done to prepare their DDs for this? Do you send a pad to school when it looks like your DD is maturing in that way? My mother didn't ever speak about AF to us. I learnt at school so I can't say I have a good role model to follow or even ask for advise. Should I leave the talk of when she could expect AF until she is matureing more and its obvious she will start menstrating? I started at 11 and so did her Dads sisters but I know girls are matureing more these days. I think the fact my neice is 11months older with AF scares me that is could be my daughter and I can't visualise my DD been able to cope with that.
2013 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.
Registered User
Maybe you could get a puberty book aimed at younger/tween girls & read it together. Have pads,tampons, etc where she can access them if needed & explain to her it's something that every girl goes through.
Maybe you could also get her a body spray and get her in the habbit of putting it on everyday for when she does start to need deodourant, you could also go shopping together for crop tops/training bras
Hope that helps, good luck
My plans:
I hope that by 9 or 10 DD will have a good grasp o what AF and what it means. She already knows i have AF from time to time (not recently!) and how the baby got in there, and we have touched on how your AF means you can have a baby.
I was nearly 13 when AF came, so i reckon i'll be ok until DD is at least 10, and then i will buy pads and tampons and talk to her about the whole deal. I will ask her if she wants to keep them in her room/bag or if she'd rather they were in the bathroom cabinet (my mum put pads in my underwear drawer when i was just 11 and i felt like an immature peter-pannish freak having to wait 2 years to use them!).
When the time comes i plan to take a day out (keeping her off school possibly) and take her out shopping, to get her nice underwear, some pads or tampons SHE chose, and a meal out with just me to welcome her to womanhood. I plan on making it a really positive and proud moment in her life, while keeping it private (no AF parties for us!) so she has her dignity too.
Bx
Registered User
Ditto.
I have made it a point of not hiding anything AF related from DD. SHe understands that one day it will happen to her. (She also understands that sometimes mummy gets uber grumpy and she needs to back off!!).
I use cloth pads so DD thinks they are really funky, all the pretty patterns etc. When I was her age I actually couldn't wait to get AF!
Lucy in the sky with diamonds.
DD got hers about 12. She had a pretty purse with an assortment of pads and liners in, and when we went shopping she could choose a deodorant.
We had a little celebration and told her Nan and auntie and we welcomed her into womanhood.
Registered User
my DD is now 11. I have just picked up on her moods. She tends to be grumpy or teary and i have kept track of this and it is in a pattern of a cycle. She has no other signs of puberty, no pubic hair etc. I have sat down and spoken to her about the change from a girl to a young lady. I spoke to her about washing and using deodrant and we have spoken about periods.
She took this really well and is not worried about it at all, infact she has started to take more care in her apperance..
Registered User
Emmy i started a couple of years ago by getting a book (aimed at young girls) about the whole shebang. We've also had conversations in the pad/tampon aisle at the supermarket. I started her using deodorant last summer, but TBH it's taken this long for her to understand it's something she needs to do every single time after a shower - I encourage her to use a roll-on BUT I've also let her choose some spray smellies at the supermarket too. I think the penny's finally dropped when she's realised how smelly some of her classmates can be.
Re periods - planning to take her shopping over the school holidays - she can choose her own purse and we'll stock it with pads and a spare pair of undies so she can take it to school with her. They've already talked about it at school and she knows if she gets caught unawares that Mrs H in the office will help & she can ring me up, etc.
Re bras - well this one has already come up - DD is still completely flat chested but I've introduced the idea of wearing the little strappy crop tops under some clothes/tshirts when needed to make sure her nipples aren't showing thru. They have a great range of comfy stretchy ones in funky colours, I'm guessing it'll be a natural progression once she's got enough breast tissue to need one most days.
2013 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.
Thank you for all your advise ladies. I never thought of having a little celebration (just her and I) to welcome her into the new stage of her life. Obviously its a little way away but I don't want her to be like me and be completely surprised when I learnt what sex and periods were in Yr5. My parents never spoke to me about it so it came as a complete surprise and I was so grossed out about it at the time and scared. I might get her an age appropriate book or two as I have found now she is harder to talk to about it as she is getting a little embarrassed. I've never denied her answers and details when asked or appropriate but now she seems to be too embarrassed to ask any questions. I really don't want her to be surprised when they do sex ed at school like I was or not be prepared for AF and normal body changes when they occur.
Lucy in the sky with diamonds.
Emmy, think back again to your own experience. What would have made it better for you? Then you can do it with your own daughter.
It should be cause for celebration (imho!), even though we may be grossed out when we are younger feeling part of a bigger picture can help smooth the transition.
xoxoxo
BellyBelly Life Subscriber
what great ideas! I got mine at a friends house on sleep-over. Luckily my friend already had hers & there were supplies & an understanding mum. But otherwise, it wasn't talked about at home. I actually sent away to one of the brands for a sample pack (they're free & they still do it!), so I had some stocks.
Registered User
My daughter is 11.5 and very pubescent, no bleeding yet, but soon I expect. A celebration is a lovely idea! you could also do some retail therapy of cloth pads or disposables if that's what you want to use - but the cloth ones are so pretty they're special ykwim? I am planning on buying my daughter a red or a moon pendant too.
Awareness and openness is the key I suspect. Instead of buying books and reading them with my daughter, I bought them and left them for her to read with the understanding that she could ask questions if she needed to. That worked well, it saved her from embarrassment, and also made her see that it's just not a big deal so she felt comfortable coming to me with her questions.
Registered User
one of the things that made it easier for me when i first got AF was the sense of belonging. like others have mentioned my mum and my oma 'welcomed' me to the world of womanhood and celebrated and cherished the moment for me. i have to say that i felt a lot of mourning when i first got it as i felt i had lost my 'childhood'. but being able to see that i was entering a transition of change towards a new phase really helped...
*but luckily no AF parties here either...one of my mates had to endure one!*
Lucy in the sky with diamonds.
omg - who was invited to the party? Were there red balloons everywhere?
2013 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.
I have never heard of an AF party till this thread. It was so tabo in my family. Something never to be spoken so much to the fact that I didn't tell my mother for almost 2years when she accussed me of been late to develop (pads came from my sister and my friends mother whom if she knew my mother didn't know would have called and told her. She assumed she was buying me a few with wings as my mother bought the cheapo's) I would be devastated if my daughter didn't feel she could tell me. I was so upset I got mine so I don't want my daughter's to feel like that.
Lulu thinking back on my own experience as you can see there was a huge communication problem between my own mother (she was raised my nun's after been taken from her parents at 5yrs so I don't blame her from having no concept of how to prepare us) but I certainly can't follow in her footsteps so to speak or even ask her for any advise. She would still tell me its not something to be spoken about. I asked my daughter a few little questions yesterday to clarify her knowledge (I asked her if she remembered what a period was and why) she knew what it was, when she could expect it, what to do etc but didn't know why women get it. I very briefly explained about been able to have babies in which she got excited about but until I meantioned babies she was covering her eyes and said she doesn't want to talk about it. I think she knows more then she lets on.
Lucy in the sky with diamonds.
So do the opposite of your experience then.. I didn't tell my mother either, we were arguing alot and it felt like she was embarrassed to talk about it as well.
Registered User
no red balloons...but lots of cake LOL! it was all her family and family friends ROFL! they made her get dressed up all pretty and make a grand entrance down the steps LOL! she said she was sooooo mortified LOL! i can't imagine having to go through that!omg - who was invited to the party? Were there red balloons everywhere?
Lucy in the sky with diamonds.
omg - how much therapy did she need???
I hope she can laugh about it now lol
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks