am i as horrible as i feel?

[cmama]

hi all
right now i am feeling like i am the most useless *****test single mother alive.
i'm wondering if all women out there find it as hard as i do at times
or if i just suck at being a mum.
i love my daughter so very much
but tonight i feel so sick of her
so sick of doing everything for her and never having anything left for me
i work so hard .. i am doing a uni degree so that i can provide for her
and i feel she just wants and wants and wants..
wipe her ass,, feed her,, clothe her
entertain her.. be mummy and daddy
today i just wanted to cry
she woke up at just before 5
wouldnt go back to sleep..
all day whinging and tantrums.. making a mess.. pulling everything out of every place
tried to get her dressed for going out.. screaming, kicking
we go to the chemist.. she lays down on the floor screaming because she doesnt want to put back everything that she has taken off the shelves
i just wanted to scream 'get up off the floor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'
i put her to bed early cause i just felt i needed to be by myself..which of course she hated.
i do love her more than life
but sometimes i feel resentful and pi$$ed off
and i am just so sick of doing everything for her all the time..everything by myself..
no one to ever help out.
is it normal to feel this way?
or am i just a horrible mother
i didnt think being a single parent would be this hard

[~MummaBear~]

Hun i have no idea of your situation but i can tell you that what you have said is totaly normal. i have a partner to step up when i get frustrated enough, ihonestly have no idea how all the single parents stay sane!
You are doing what you can to improve your life and your DD's life, that alone says that you are trying and you love her.Please go easy on yourself, none of us are perfect and i am pretty sure that most of us have felt the way you are feeling at one stage or another.

[cmama]

thanks for replying mummy of 4
just feel guilty.. i kow how lucky i am to have my daughter
my first daughter was born prem and passed away
and i am so very lucky to have my little girl
it has been just her and i since before she was born
and i feel guilty that the only person that she has is feeling this way about her right now
i know i am all she has.. i am her whole world..and she doesn't understand..
just feel so bad that right now i wish i could have a break from her.

[~MummaBear~]

thats ok! i wish i could say something to make you feel better
wanting/ needing a break is a natural thing an if it is possible it might even be a good idea for you, toddlers are VERY demanding and it takes alot of energy and patience to last a day with them!!
I do get that you feel lucky to have her i my DD2 was born at 18 weeks and i know how lucky i am to have my older children but do you know what... i still get frustrated at them and i still get mad and i still walk away and have a break when i can.. I really hope that you start to feel a little better about the situation soon/ Like i said before i really wish there was something i could say to help you but all i can say is from the sound of it you are doing a wonderful job and your DD is very lucky to have yoU!!!

[*becstar*]

oh wow.....I have three and desperately want another but I still feel like this almost daily!!!

I have a DH and he does take the pressure off when he's home so I have HUGE respect for single parents!!!

Don't be too hard on yourself, really. Toddlers are so demanding and full on and HARD WORK. It's like being at work with no break!!

We ALL need time to ourselves....and as Mummies I think it's a basic need. To take care of our little ones we need to take care of us first. So don't ever feel guilty about needing time away. Trust me you will be a much better Mummy when you've had some time to you. I find I'm just more patient.....which goes a long way

So....is there a way to get some time alone? Maybe a half day at care or some family who could take her regularly for you? Seriously think about it, I need this time and I'm not a single parent! So I for one think you are a superhero

xxx

[cindyb]

My god!

I have a partner who works looong hours but still he is here when not at work but i feel like you are describing ALOT!!

My two girls are driving me crazy at the moment and talking to my friends they are all going through it at the moment too. you are not a bad mum at all, you are doing the best you can for your princess and you should be proud of it. You are absolutely allowed to feel like screaming and losing the plot!!!

[Liviam]

Oh darl this is so completely normal!! I was in the exact same place last night. I don't think there is a single mother on the face of this earth that doesn't feel this way one time or another. It is ok to feel like this and feeling like this doens't mean that you don't love and adore your daughter, you just need a little break to recharge your batteries and keep going. You are doing an amazing job!!

[BhoysGirl]

Same as the other posters - being a parent is Hard, being a single parent, well I take my hat off to you. You're definitely not a horrible mum, just a very normal (and honest!) one

[newmummy85]

I'm 4 weeks away from having my first baby, I'm single (since 6 weeks pregnant) and to be honest this post has scared the hell out of me.

All these terms like 'superhero' etc, I don't think I am one by any means, so am I really going to find it this hard to cope as a single mother? I'd only just convinced myself i'd be fine and I could do it. Oh dear

[Beatrix]

lol def normal!!!

my kids can ***** me to tears and do most days..

i have times where i am so tempted to jump in the car and drive far far away.. but they pass..

unfort kids pick up on your tension and it increases theirs... sucks LOL

hugs hun and i hope your day gets better

[BhoysGirl]

newmummy85 - don't let this post scare you, it's also the most rewarding, amazing time of your life, and for the most part you love them more deeply than you can possibly imagine. It's just that it's not always smooth sailing, and sometimes you'll need to talk about that aspect in a safe & supported way, and to hear that you're not alone, and BB can be very good for that

[ciara.e]

Hey there

I have been a single mum since my daughter was conceived, although i now have a partner who tries his hardest to help (he works days and nights so he's rarely home)... but he's only been in the picture for a few months as far as my daughter is concerned.

Let me tell you that there have been too many times where i have wanted to scream and throw something myself! There are times where i have broken down and wished my life away. The stress of studying a degree, working two or three jobs, plus having a small child to care for has nearly done my head in too many times! And to make things worse, the support for us just wasn't there from anyone! One day, i called my mum and i said to her 'its no wonder there are parents out there that end up in jail for murdering their kids! All they want is a little support and when they are crying out for a little help no one listens!' I told her that i understand why they snapped. And it's true... i mean, my child is my life. I would never let any harm come to her... but at the same time, feeling like you wished u only had them 'some' of the time is so easy to do!

tantrums suck, bad manners and disobedience is embarrassing and it's all just one big energy waster! Do you know something though? All kids are just as bad as each other.. despite what anyone tells you!

You're doing a great job! it's not easy and you're still hanging in there! Utilise your uni support services for help too!! I found the disability support services were great for me as a single mum with post natal depression.

All the best babe... you know you'll get through this!

[cmama]

Hi all
thank you all so very, very much for replying
oh it's such a relief to know that I'm not alone
i really thought i was a terrible mum
because that evening i just felt physically and mentally drained
and i thought god my life would be so much easier if i only had me to take care of
go live with your dad it's his turn now.
of course i am very glad her dad isnt in the picture as he is a major a-hole
thats just how i felt that night.. like i had enough of being mummy, daddy,provider,carer,ect ect .. that it was just too hard doing it all alone..
i'm feeling better now that i was able to talk to someone about it
it really helped.
i guess i just have to keep telling myself that i'm not super human
and i cant do it all .. all the time
as long as i do the best i can
thank you all so much for talking to me
i am so glad i found this group
xx

[mrsmac]

Hun I felt like this some days when i was single too but you get through it and so do they. My DD is now 18 and a really great person.

Is there anyone who can give you a break?? Your mum? A friend? You need some time out for both your sakes.

[Chocaholic]

so am I really going to find it this hard to cope as a single mother? I'd only just convinced myself i'd be fine and I could do it. Oh dear

newmummy85, sometimes you will find it hard. Everyone does. No child is an absolute angel, regardless of what they tell you in public . Some days you will wonder what on earth happened and why you. But that is only some days. Most of the time, you will look at you sweet child and be grateful that you have produced such a wonderful child. The good outways that bad DEFINITELY. Support is the key for those times and if you can find someone to talk to (like BB ) then it does make like easier. Enjoy the wonderful journey to come as there is nothing like it and you wouldn't change it for the world!!

cmama, vent away. This was the reason I went back to work. I love my boys soooo much but I need time where I can be me and contribute to the family in another way, rather than just as 'mum'. Mum is my most important job title but I feel that working allows me to be a better mum as I get time to be me, recharge my batteries, offload to the ladies in the office with me (they are truly wonderful women who listen and share stories with me so I know I am not alone) and just think about something else. If you can find someone to help support you, or give you a break, that will give you a chance to recharge those batteries. It is so obvious that you love you daughter and she is lucky to have a loving mama like you.

[ciara.e]

Aargh i know about the dad thing too!!

Mine's 'donor' has never even met her. And lets face it - we're better off for it! Darn it... it IS harder! I hate fathers day cos i think it should be 'parents' day lol.. or something like that! (can we have a parents day each month??? lol)

Hang in there hun - they'll be calling you for help with their own kids before you realise!

[Melly01]

ciara.e, I have Parents Day for my Mum, because my father died when I was 9 and I felt she did such a good job picking everything up and looking after 5 kids on her own.

cmama, I just wanted to say, I know exactly how you feel. I have been doing a degree full time for the last 3 years, and before that I did a full time "intensive" bridging course to get into University, and there have been nights when I've just lost it and wasn't coping. Actually, let's be realistic, there were many nights where that has happened!

University Student Support is one of the things that has kept me (almost) sane these last few years, the free counsellor I got is amazing and she has on occasion written letters to my lecturers so that I could get extensions when I have a meltdown when I am supposed to be getting an assignment done.

[tattoo_mama]

hey cmama, im a single mum in WA too, my daughter is 7 months and me and her dad have been split up since she was 2 weeks old. if you want to talk you can PM me xx