Black tie wedding ettiquette

[Doing my best]

I am going to be invited to a black tie wedding next year.

But if I can't afford to dress for the occasion, do I not go? I have a beautiful dress to wear, but it isn't a full length gown. DH has a suit, but not black or tux. And I am not sure what the dress ettiquette is for children at these affairs (yes, I know for sure that they are invited cause it is my brother's wedding)

This wedding is interstate, so we are already budgeting for the fuel and accomodation.

I had a thread earlier this year when I couldn't afford to be a bridesmaid (not sure how to link it though), but now I need to know some ettiquette as a guest.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

We had a very formal wedding - but tbh, I wouldn't wear a black suit to a wedding. You wear grey to a wedding. Maybe brown or navy, if that suits more, but black = funeral and grey = wedding. Generally. Only the bride and bridesmaids had dresses almost to the floor at mine, and few people wore black.

As for the dress... does it cover your knees and at least part of your shoulders? Should be OK.

My son, for weddings (and yes, four weddings, over a 12-month period), has worn a cute little beige trouser/waistcoat two-piece set with a shirt and a tie. He has one tie, and it's washable. (He will have two ties after Christmas!) You can get gorgeous dresses for girls that aren't too expensive too. I'd say it wouldn't HAVE to be floor-length, especially not for children. (But then, I'm so tall that my only floor-length dress was custom made and I usually pick something below the knee for black tie events now.)

The protocol should cover the wedding party, not the guests as well (although black tie makes it clear not to turn up for the beach, but it shouldn't be over-formal if that's not doable).

[Visitor7]

Your dress doesn't have to be floor length, it just has to be formal. And as for your dh, as long as he has a suit and tie, he'll be fine. There are heaps different styles of dresses for little girls.

[Lulu]

Ohh no, I thought black tie meant tux. I think you may get away without floor length dress though.

[~Phoenix~]

Depends on how "black tie" they are making the occasion, I did some googling a couple of months ago when we were invited to a dinner where dress code was strictly black tie.

DH wore a suit he had which is dark grey with a white shirt & black tie. I wore a dressy ****tail length dress (just below knees) and neither of us looked or felt out of place, if anything this was kinda the norm of what everyone else were wearing. There were some in tux & long dresses (mainly older). So what you already have will probably be ok.

I suppose putting black tie on invites discourages jeans/more casual type clothes.

Kids are probably required to be dressed kinda formally boys in pants, shirt and girls in formal party dress - could you possibly hire something for them?

[Doing my best]

Ohh no, I thought black tie meant tux. I think you may get away without floor length dress though.

That's what I thought, and why I am asking. I did a google search, and a few sights said if the invite stated black tie, then the attire is tux and floor length gown. I was talking to my aunty earlier today and she mentioned it as she already has her invite. I am so confused.

LZ - my dress has thin straps, and is mid calf length. I wore it to a friends wedding, also a formal affair, just not black tie. And DH's suit is Navy.

Oops, I didn't mean it to sound like I didn't want to get something nice for my kids to wear, but more not sure what I need for them to wear.

[Muppity]

Ohh no, I thought black tie meant tux. I think you may get away without floor length dress though.

:Yeahthat:

Except so many different people have different expectations on what it is these days - a lot of people think that black tie means formal when all they really want is a formal wedding (which is what Ladie Zadie described)

If I were you I would wear the dress that you have - so long as it is a little conservative - and at least to the knee and not strapless (the rule is that it can only be strapless if the skirt is full length and full) and if you are stressed about your DH and the suit isn't black (or charcoal at a stretch) I would just put him in black pants, a while shirt and a bowtie (which are quite cheap to buy) so that it just looks like he has taken his jacket off - noone would question it.

As for kids, so long as they are neat and tidy it doesn't really matter at all but I wouldn't put them in denim IYKWIM.

[Lulu]

I wish the Brownlow chicks would get some sort of understanding about black tie

[Muppity]

I wish the Brownlow chicks would get some sort of understanding about black tie

I can't immediately think of any rules that the rest of us follow that apply to footballer's wives/girlfriends/both!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I would have a hat/fascinator in my hair too, and take a shawl/pashmina to the wedding JIC you feel you want to cover your shoulders for part of it. I know when I'm in something strappy I can feel a little underdressed at times... but then again, you'll be in the height of summer so it will be less of an issue. I'm in the land of permanent cold and am ALWAYS half-frozen.

and I'm sure your children ALWAYS have nice things to wear... but they may need something different for the wedding.

[Doing my best]

and I'm sure your children ALWAYS have nice things to wear... but they may need something different for the wedding.

LOL, maybe I should change the wording to suitable.. I was looking at some gorgeous dresses the other day, but was too scared to guess what size she will be in April. So am just waiting till end of Feb for both of them to make sure I get the right size and can pay off over a few weeks if need be.

[misty]

My advice is to ask your brother.

We put formal on our wedding invites, because DH's side is extremely casual and have been known to turn up to wedding in thongs and shorts. But we explained to my side that suits and ties would do, because they most certainly would have turned up in tux and top hats (I wouldn't have minded that, but it would have been impossible to get DH's side to go to that extent).

generally speaking though, it is completely acceptable nowdays to wear a suit with either tie or bowtie (or some variation), dress that hangs lower then the knee, button up shirt and slacks for boys and party dress for girls, to a black tie event.

[Doing my best]

Misty. Ta. that is my next plan.

Just waiting on the invite first to see the exact wording. But with little things my Mum has said after spending some time with them, I am under the impression that she wants everyone to go all out.

And I am hoping that I might be jumping the gun and the bride is requesting it so our side of the family doesn't come as the country hillbillies that some of my relos are (and for the record some of my relos think a new pair of jeans and a new flannelette shirt is formal!)

[~Phoenix~]

What you have described you have sounds fine, but yeh I would confirm with your bro what they are after

We had a pretty casual wedding but wanted something a little more dressy than jeans so put semi-formal on our invites as DH's bro thought a black pair of cargo pants & a new motocross tshirt would cut it and some of my rellies are about the same, so yeh the hillbilly gene seems to run in most families

Little girls in gorgeous party dresses are just adorable

[Astrid]

From what I can gather that black tie/formal often just means "no jeans". The last wedding I went to was like that, the one lady who turned up in a full length gown looked very out of place. There really needs to be a new term to cover "no jeans"

[Laranna]

I agree, what you have in mind sounds fine to me. I think if you go all out with a proper floor length gown, you may end up looking like a bridesmaid!

Have you had a look on ebay for the kids dresses/suits? There are some really nice ones you can get cheap. For our wedding, I actually got DS (15 months at the time) a full tux brand new for $40.

[Doing my best]

Well we have the invites, and the wording is

"black tie affair, black, cream or gold"

So my dress fits in colour wise, and I will be wearing it. But what to wear for DH? (he has a suit, but isn't black)

I have also got my grandmother here, and she has asked the same question.. She has a dress she bought to wear on a cruise last year (and also intended to wear it to the wedding), but doesn't fit the colour scheme. Can they really 'tell' you what to wear? My aunt has also asked me before Xmas, but I asked to talk to my bro, cause if I ask for everyone, it is going to look like I am causing trouble (my mum already thinks I am being a biartch about the wedding )

Just want a general idea of you lovely ladies.

I am going to ask my bro in about a fortnight or so, as SIL's father passed away from cancer last week.

[amberj]

Oh my, I have never heard of a wedding where they asked the GUESTS to be colour co-ordinated!

I agree with the general gist of this thread that your dress is probably fine.

Your DH is a tricky one- but if you can't afford to get a black suit just for the occassion (perfectly understandable, by the way), I am sure your brother would rather have you there than not, even if the suit is the "wrong" colour. I would probably speak to your bro about it if you can.