help me be a glass half full person!

[Beautitude]

Hi all.

My outlook on life has not always been very positive. I tend to concentrate on the negative parts of life and find it difficult to let things go. I feel that this is affecting my relationship with my ds and dh and thats just not on. We are entering a new phase in our life together, we are ttc for our next angel and i want to sort myself out and i am amazed at the beautiful words of wisdom that the ladies on bb have.

is it possible to change from a glass half empty person to a glass half full person? How can i change my outlook on life and become the person i want to be, not the person i am?

[Junglemum]

I think just recognising and admitting it is half the battle. Good on you for getting that far!

It is only ever possible to change if you want to and you do, so i definitely think you can change to a glass half full person! Do you do things for yourself that make you happy? I find if i am excercising and doing something i love it is much easier for me to be the positive and happy person i like to be.

Time just for me, helps me to be a happier mum for my family, it's not always possible, but definitely helps!

[~Kim~]

I don't often post in here, because I don't feel I'm wise or philosophical enough, but this is one dear to my heart....so here goes.

Yes I truely do, but I don't think it is something that is ever 100%complete. I think it's a process that is always evolving and changing.

I agree with Junglemum in that the fact that you are aware of it - makes it half the battle.
Even on the days I don't feel like it, I try to find something good every time I feel a negative. Not to jolly myself out of it or not feel negative feelings because we must all have them, but to prioitise my energy for want of a better explanation.

I'd rather not waste it on stuff that has no real impact on my life IYKWIM?

will bbl whaen I have 2 typing hands.

[AngelPunks]

Good on you for acknowledging that you want to change this about yourself. As the posters above have said, admiting it is the first step, asking for help is the second.

I've been through a really tough time in the last 18 months, for the first 12 or so months I was so bogged down by the negatives, I was forever moaning to my friends (geeze I'm amazed they stuck around I was such a negative nelly), not ever being able to see the positive, but I kicked myself up the butt one day and pretty much gave myself a HUGE talking to.

These are mechanisms that have worked and are working for me

1. A journal that I write in every day - listing all that I don't like about myself, like in my life - even little annoying things about myself
2. A list of things that make me happy, be it memories, songs (the songs are good to pull out when you're feeling down - start singing a song in your head that makes you smile)
3. A gratitude list, things I'm grateful for, that I am blessed to have in my life (this morning I was grateful for freshly brewed coffee & bread still warm from the bakers)
4. The biggest one is to look objectively at every negative situation and try to see what I have learnt from it, or something positive from it. Example - went for a high paid manager's job (6 month assignment), didn't get the job, yes I wallowed in the negatives for a few hours but then I started to look for positives, that I didn't have to supervise staff, that I wasn't tied down for the next 6 months, that I wrote an application that got me an interview, that I now had a list of things to work on professionally before I go for a job like that in the future.

Hope these help.

[Beautitude]

Thanks for your replies so far!

This isn't something that i would normally post about on bb however i have read some beautiful, insightful things on bb lately and feel like i can gain so much from the ladies on here.

Junglemum: exercise helps me immensely also. I find when i am exercising my entire outlook on life changes.

~Kim~ : I cant wait to hear your thoughts on the topic further when you have more time. I have been aware of this failing in my personality for a very long time but cant seem to change it. I think it has alot to do with my mum. She has a very negative personality ( and going through what she has in her life im not suprised) but it really rubs off on me. Whenever i see her i feel so drained. Everything seems like a battle with her. Its hard to explain but for example when ds drinks he tends to spit his water out all over himself. For me its not a big deal, its hot, so what if he gets a bit wet. For her its a major drama and he must be changed immediately. Things like that. I also spend alot of time thinking about what is bad in my life and i kinda end up making things up. In my head i know that my life is perfect, my family is happy and healthy, we are comfortable and we all love each other but i think about other things like how horrible it is that we have a small house and i cant keep it clean etc. Its very unhealthy and makes me feel depressed alot of the time. I can get myself worked up over absolutely nothing. Afterwards i just feel ridiculous. I wonder if there is such a thing as a depressive personality... my dad died when i was 21 after a short battle with Cancer and i feel like that has had a profound affect on me and how i see the world. Kind of like an excuse to feel like i do which its not.

AngelPunks: Your journal sound like a good idea. I think that would help me sort out my feelings and may help me focus on the positive. My friend actually mentioned to me the other day how unhappy i always sound because i always complain about everything. It was a bit of a lightbulb moment for me actually that i need to do something about it.

Iv read many book on this subject over the years but nothing has ever really stuck out to me. Id love to read a book that will just show me the way ( i know that probably doesn't exist).

Wow, thats for reading that little essay.

[Junglemum]

Just got back from the gym and i feel great! exercise is an amazing tool to happiness.

I just wanted to add, surrounding yourself with positive people is also a great help, if that means limiting time with your mum then perhaps it's a good idea?!

[Beautitude]

I just wanted to add, surrounding yourself with positive people is also a great help, if that means limiting time with your mum then perhaps it's a good idea?!

Its not really an option, my mum has no one really. Although i feel that it would be good for me i cant do it.

[Junglemum]

Could you have a chat to her about wanting to be more positive and enlist her help? perhaps it would be good for both of you. My Dad is very negative sometimes. If he starts on a negative rant about something i just remove myself from the situation for a while, he generally calms down pretty quickly. But if i get involved in his negativity it can bring me down pretty quickly. It's hard sometimes because i'm living in his house though..

[maz]

I just wanted to add, surrounding yourself with positive people is also a great help,

what the hell ya doing being friends with me for

My motto is...there is always someone worse off then you are...now matter how bad you think the situation, the pain, there is someone in this world going through it 100 time worse then you.

I wish I could exercise cause god it felt good when I was walking everyday but due to a fault bottom my walking is limited ot the letterbox these days. Its all good....atleast I have a bum that sort of works to well

Ive also learnt to Laugh at parents of mine that are judgemental and draining. Ive distanced myself in some respects to the know all attidtudes of others and listen to those friends of mine who have seen life through many different sets of glasses.

My friends have helped me shape me in some forms. I know that i cna laugh with them, cry but in the end we're all happy.

OH and smile at a complete stranger....you cant imagine the high you get when they smile back.

[Lulu]

Girl, you are halfway there by realising it isn't working for you .

There are heaps of things you can do - you have heaps of ideas here already, so you can pick and choose what you think might suit.

I really like the journal idea and it works brilliantly for some but I have trouble keeping up with it due to my life shenanigans, so I do things like cut out images from magazines etc that make me smile and stick them places like near my bed or the back of the toilet door

When you feel those negative thoughts sneak in - bop them on the head immediately. I literally say "STOP IT" to myself. If I'm brooding on a problem, I refuse to address it until I feel less shirty - I always get it sorted when I'm positive.

I also do things I hate (like cleaning out my wardrobe) when I'm really shirty - I fly through it because I'm distracted by my own grumbling, then suddenly I'm distracted from the grumbling by the fact I just got something done

Can you tell your friend you are trying to stop being so negative and can she help you out by pulling you up if you slide back there?

I always go to bed thinking of wonderful things, no matter how bad the day has been. I sleep far better, and wake up happier.

I definitely second the exercise. You can jump ahead miles in the positivity stakes if you can fit some in!

xoxo

[AngelPunks]

My point 1 is called a "surrender journal"

My journal writing is now something I do every morning. I lay in bed and connect to the universe, then I meditate (mp3 on my player) and then I write in my journal - all before I get out of bed, yes I have to wake up 30 mins earlier but it is when I have the time. At night I also try to write in my journal before meditating and then sleep.

Also something that a group of friends and I did for a while was "the best thing that happened to me today" we used to email each other last thing at night and the girls with partners used to do it as part of their wind-down at night - each would tell the best thing - friends have also done it with their kids.

Start off small with the exercise, maybe just a walk around the block, then build on it over time - don't throw yourself into something that you will find it hard to keep up.

[fionas]

Lots of good ideas already and they're reminders for me too. I always go to bed thinking how lucky I am to have DD and try to think of some good things I've done that day.

I've been reading a book called Buddhism for Mothers lately and it's really good and simple too. For me it kind of short-circuits the whole "why am I like this, was it my childhood" business about our personalities and kind of says, yes, suffering is normal but you just have to do your best and be kind to yourself and other people. Apols to the Dalai Lama for that half-arsed explanation!

[~Kim~]

I have been aware of this failing in my personality for a very long time but cant seem to change it. I think it has alot to do with my mum. She has a very negative personality ( and going through what she has in her life im not suprised) but it really rubs off on me. Whenever i see her i feel so drained. Everything seems like a battle with her. Its hard to explain but for example when ds drinks he tends to spit his water out all over himself. For me its not a big deal, its hot, so what if he gets a bit wet. For her its a major drama and he must be changed immediately. Things like that. I also spend alot of time thinking about what is bad in my life and i kinda end up making things up. In my head i know that my life is perfect, my family is happy and healthy, we are comfortable and we all love each other but i think about other things like how horrible it is that we have a small house and i cant keep it clean etc. Its very unhealthy and makes me feel depressed alot of the time. I can get myself worked up over absolutely nothing. Afterwards i just feel ridiculous. I wonder if there is such a thing as a depressive personality... my dad died when i was 21 after a short battle with Cancer and i feel like that has had a profound affect on me and how i see the world. Kind of like an excuse to feel like i do which its not.

For starters though hun, it's not a failing in your personality. Hell no. I think it's admirable that you're recognising and looking to develop yourself.

Your mum sounds like a lot of the people in my life and feeling drained is a fantastic descriptor, so I totally understand. My Dh is somewhat like this too, so I understand about you feeling sort of trapped in the negativity.

For me it was about consciously letting go of that negativity. I will not let something that will have no further impact on my life get to me. Sure people are rude/stupid whatever, but unless it endangers my health/safety/future or that of my kids well then really what's the big deal? Don't swaet the small stuff is a great phrase.
Little negativities often add up to big stuff in your head, so start small.

I choose how I as an adult will respond in a situation. Even as tired and cross as I sometimes feel, I try to use an upbeat voice in response to whatever the negative neely is offering in my direction. Be it one of the kids, DH or a total stranger. Kinda like 'faking it till you make it'. A brighter voice makes me feel better and often changes the mood of the situation.

I try an do something that makes me smile every day. Be it something silly like fooling around with the camera for a few minutes, or dancing with the kids, or singing out loud, running through the sprinkler, having a clean sink to wake up to - whatever. It doesn't have to be therapeautic or fancy or expensive. It makes me happy.

Like AngelPunks i spend a few mintues meditating too. Makes me feel more zen.

I'm also a fan of identifying what I'm grateful for in blergh times and I have a pinboard over my desk with neat stuff like Lulu said. Cool pictures/photos, fabric I love, quotes etc. It changes with my whims but that's what makes it cool.

DH try and talk about all the cool things we did that day late at night so it's a nicer mood to go to bed with.

As for the big stuff, stuff liek where will the money come from? Major family issues etc. i have a notebook, just a plain one from coles that I write down a plan of action if it is really bothering me. Lots of people moan about their issues (my DH is a great one for it) but have no real plan of action to reverse them. When I realise I have something to moan about I try to formulate a plan of action for it. Once it's written down with, i try not to let myself stress about it.

My favourite quote is
"If you don't like it, change it
If you can't change it, change the way you think about it"

[Beautitude]

Thankyou to everone for posting. Your words and advice have truely helped me and i am going to start my journal as soon as a find a beautiful book to write in, oh and a new pen, i love stationary!!

Iv been making a concious effort over the last few days to let go of the negative stuff and see the positive. Its working but it is hard work. My mind always goes to the negative. Have also talked to dh about it and wanting to make our family life happier by having a better attitude and he has agreed to try help me.

fionas can i ask where you got that book from? Id like to read it, have heard good things about it.

Thank you all again.

[fionas]

OK, I have retrieved it from under the entertainment unit and it's Buddhism For Mothers by Sarah Napthali. I got it from a small bookshop in Port Fairy so it should be fairly easy to find. Published by Allen & Unwin.

Happy reading!!