do you sometimes find gentle parenting disheartening?

[Olive]

do you??

i gentle parent as much as i can inregards to both my girls, in particular DD2's sleeping (or lack of at times) but i often, like right now, find it disheartening when i feel that all my hard work to gentle parent doesnt pay off ( i hope that came out right )
DD2 just spent the last 40 mins screaming at me, resisting sleep, she screamed no matter what i did, i cried and she cried.
parenting is hard work (der ) but i feel like in taking the harder route, though i know (hope) it pays off later.

not sure if any of that made sense, but wonder if anyone else feels the same

[MummyTummy]

First of all

Sometimes!

I know sometimes that I end up in tears as DS is in tears and I feel at a loss and ready to yell or lose my patience or just give up (I haven't....yet!! :P) but I think that comes with the territory of being a parent. I see people out shopping with their kids constantly yelling and threatening or bribing their kids. I can see how frazzled they are, but I can see they are in a never ending cycle and their kids are in it with them.

But I then look at the big picture and realise that my gentle parenting is paying big dividends in the love and pride I have for my family. And I realise that although we have phases of the cycle, we always come out of it at the other end.

[Miss H]

Oh I am so with you on this one. DD1 is at that stage where she is starting to go against what I say and words or time out etc are just not working. The sleep thing is an issue for both my kids yet I have a friend who, from birth, put her sons in their cots, closed the door and let them cry themselves to sleep. They are older now and sleep so wonderfully on their own, no problems at all.

[Heaven]

I know what you mean!! I have been wanting to write that post for ages but had no idea how to!!

I sometimes wonder if there are any gentle parents who have good sleepers?? Or is that the price we have to pay for parenting this way?? Then I wonder if I'm doing the right thing bc I have failed at teaching DD how to sleep! But the alternative is CC I guess and I'm not doing that to my precious girl!

I hope it pays off too!!

[Just Me]

Yes yes yes!!!. Especially when everyone around me seems to think that if only I smacked or if only I let my baby CIO then everything would be fine.

I get through it by thinking through what would change if I did these thing ... how would I feel? how would my kids feel? how would the behaviour change?

The conclusion I come to is that nothing would be all that different except that I would feel terrible and my kids would be affected too.

I don't think it is gentle parenting that causes difficulties, I think it is just the world of raising kids means that problems crop up sometimes and they can be frustrating. Changing things would probably mess with their sense of security and understanding of how the world works.

You are doing a good job. It is just really hard work at times

[StrawberryMumma]

Oh hun, sorry you are having a tough time xx

I think in regards to sleeping, yes I have felt disheartened. Waking up all night for cuddles and feeds is beyond exhausting..it's shattering (I know I don't have to tell you that!!) But I have seen with my own eyes, some people close to us that have used cc and other 'let them cry it out' methods and it has CLEARLY had a huge effect on their kids. This has made me stick to my guns about gentle parenting. I can most definitely see hugely positive benefits from the way we raise our kids.

Hang in there.

[Olive]

I sometimes wonder if there are any gentle parents who have good sleepers?? Or is that the price we have to pay for parenting this way?? Then I wonder if I'm doing the right thing bc I have failed at teaching DD how to sleep! But the alternative is CC I guess and I'm not doing that to my precious girl!

I hope it pays off too!!

exactly what i was trying to say!

thanks everyone for your replies, i knew i wouldnt be alone in thinking this but i wondered just how many spoke of their feeling surronding GP
its also had when your mum questions whether i should be feeding DD so much overnight or when your MIL teaches CC

[MummyTummy]

exactly what i was trying to say!

thanks everyone for your replies, i knew i wouldnt be alone in thinking this but i wondered just how many spoke of their feeling surronding GP
its also had when your mum questions whether i should be feeding DD so much overnight or when your MIL teaches CC

Yeah that would make it extra tough. Having the people closest to you doubting your methods and not being supportive will just undermine your resolve every time! Just remember that you are among friends here on BB!

I don't have too many people sticking their noses in around me (most people that know me well know that once I have set ideas there is no changing them) but I am sure I have people tut-tutting behind my back. But I have the unwavering support of my DH which goes a long way and to me is the most important. I have learnt to (mostly) ignore the naysayers who dare to voice their opinions to me or DH.

Oh and not boasting, but I do have a good sleeper. But we have other challenges!!

[Junglemum]

I think whatever approach you take to parenting it can be, at times, disheartening. You have chosen the road you have because you know it is best for your girls, but i don't think it is particularly harder than another road. grass is always greener and all that.
Imagine if you chose to gentle parent and CC your little girls, and then, 2 years down the track you were paying the price.

Don't get me wrong, when i was walking up and down the deck for 2 hours trying to settle #2 last night, i wished i was kicking back having a margarita! But we do things the way we do, not for now, but for the future. It's tough, but you are doing a great job.

[Jellyfish]

Yes, I totally get this. We are still rocking/feeding to sleep and sometimes I wonder if she will ever self-settle or sleep longer than 4hrs in a row at night...

[Rouge]

I think the grass is always greener. I'm sure every parent no matter how they parent struggle with different stages of their child's development. Whether it's sleep issues, behavioural issues or anything else.

I know in my heart I am parenting the best way for my family.

And ditto Junglemum!

You are doing a great job

[~Raven~]

I sometimes wonder if there are any gentle parents who have good sleepers?? Or is that the price we have to pay for parenting this way?? Then I wonder if I'm doing the right thing bc I have failed at teaching DD how to sleep! But the alternative is CC I guess and I'm not doing that to my precious girl!

OK without sounding condescending becasue I promise I'm not boasting, I have had 3 pretty good sleepers and I gentle parent, so that kind of debunks that theory. I think you either have good sleepers or you don't in most cases.

The one of mine that wasn't (that would be the 3yo from and about 9 months of age) I have spat it and left him to cio and it didn't work and only made it worse. He is a needy and clingy child anyway and leaving him to cio made him moreso.

Leaving them to cio was what I expected was the done thing due to the way I was raised so I totally get the pressure from the rellos. I didn't like it and it didn't help us achieve a full nights sleep.

[NaeNae]

no advice hun but I couldn't read and not give you massive and

Nae x

[whoops]

I have always been a smacker until recently (weaning off it). I have realised that it just doesn't work for my kids. It is losing control at a kid who has lost control, and not a very good example to set. I am trialing new methods of discipline which is very challenging at times and can still result in a smack , but we will get there in the end.

[Curly]

I think you either have good sleepers or you don't in most cases.

The one of mine that wasn't (that would be the 3yo from and about 9 months of age) I have spat it and left him to cio and it didn't work and only made it worse. He is a needy and clingy child anyway and leaving him to cio made him moreso.

Leaving them to cio was what I expected was the done thing due to the way I was raised so I totally get the pressure from the rellos. I didn't like it and it didn't help us achieve a full nights sleep.

:yeahthat:

I can vouch for that. DS was a horrible horrible sleeper and DD is amazing. Only problem with that was DS was my first so I constantly questioned myself, my methods, what I was doing wrong. I was in tears over it.

DH and I were so used to rocking a baby off to sleep and a baby that woke constantly, never slept for long stretches etc that we didn't quite know what to do with DD, who settled beautifully, slept through from 3 months of age, and actually prefers to be put in her cot and go to sleep on her own (she screams and fights being cuddled off to sleep).

We have not approached her any differently - she's just a different personality entirely. Right now we are still marvelling at how she eats whatever she's given, even FRUIT and will try anything new, unlike Mr Picky.

It's only now I'm realising how needy and atypical DS was - he was far from textbook, but I could not be more glad that we gentle-parented him. A strict and unbending approach would not have made any difference and even now the same is true. Hindsight is 20-20 and looking back, I know we did it the right way with him.

I promise it pays off.

[Kailani]

Absolutely! I am always disheartened and as a result questioning whether I am doing the right thing or if I'm setting him up for bad habits. People are always telling me that I'm "spoiling" him by cosleeping, feeding on demand, picking him up when he cries (which to me indicates that he wants a cuddle, not that he is demanding!)

I dunno...but I can admit that L is really clingy, whingy and a horrible sleeper, but I just think that is him and he'd be like that no matter what method I used (well I keep telling myself that anyway ) He is just a cranky baby! Lets pray for blissful teenage years!

[tippytoes]

Big hun. I am not there yet cause DS is a bit young, but I can understand everything you have written. Rach xx

[Inanna]

Oh Olive big big big cuddles my love.

Like Raven I've had 3 good sleepers - my first screamed before her body was out (it was so bizarre!) & I rocked and patted & fed & drove & cried & put her in the cot& ran down the back yard as I thought I would go insane if I had to hear her scream any more... I couldnmt shower or wee or do anything without screaming or her attatched to me. Until she was at least 2 but it did continue for longer.

I gentle parented and I gentle parent (I have in moments of fear or frustraion smacked but not as a general tool) still. Three slept like they were on sleeping tablets! Immy is a shocking sleeper, but not as bad as Ruby. Having said that Immy will sleep in sometimes something Ruby would never do... So if Immy has arough night she often doesn't wake up until late which gives me a break.

It really is tough darling & there is no solution other than to put a foot in front of the other... Make sure if you can to get some respite - I do know how wearing it is...

Is it worth it? Well only you can decide that one. For me it's the best way for me and mine..