not enjoying it as much this time round - bit of a vent!

[SammyRo]

I'm having difficulties with bfeeding my 2week DS and juggling giving DD attention. DH has gone back to work so I've had my first couple of days with them both on my own - 1st day went really well, a bit of a dream really, but yesterday! Oh dear! Between the time DS woke up in the morning till around 1pm, he was really unsettled - wanting to fed almost constantly - he even wouldn't settle in the HAB. Now, I am happy to demand feed DS, except he has got into a habit of cluster feeding then a big sleep - mainly in the arvo, from about 3-7 (and DH doesn't get home till after 6), but yesterday morning, I have no idea what was wrong with him. I found it really hard to give DD any attention because DS was so unsettled, and then with his cluster feeding in the arvo, I just felt that DD was forgotten about - and she showed it by the time DH came home - with tantrums and attention seeking behaviour.

How do others cope? When will his newborn feeding settle down? I can handle one period of cluster feeding, but its hard to do that twice a day. Yesterday, I got really stressed and unhappy about it all, esp. with DD's behaviour - which I know prob didn't help things in the morning. And because of all this, I don't think i'm enjoying it as much - part of me yesterday just wanted to give up, which then made me feel guilty!

What can I do?

[Arimeh]

Its not easy when you mix a toddler with a newborn!

I don't know much about bfing (was never successful) but keeping the toddler entertained whilst feeding is a problem we all face. I use books to entertain, or put on a dvd for them, or go outside and feed and watch them play or put music on and they dance to it (DD1 is nearly the same age as yours and she loves dancing!), or she'll get her dolly and bottle and feed it at the same time... just have to have plenty of things nearby to entertain and you can feed your baby without too much drama. Oh - and snacks - definitely snacks!

ETA: Just thought of another thing - DS and DD1 absolutely love watching old videos of themselves when they were younger - keeps them entertained for ages!

[boomba]

Oh hun its really hard when you are alone wiht both kids hey
I suggest trying to get DD to do an activity that doesnt really require you tp participate just watch while your feed...just unitll she kinda gets used to it...its really tough on the older one I think but they will ok.
Keep it up hun...it wont be long and this feeding routine will be finshed and you will be onto a differnt one x

[chepie]

oh sweetie I could have written that exact same post!!! The first month was a blur.... Aiden acted out a bit because I couldn't give him all the attention... So I would sit in his room while I fed Charlotte and play trains with him!! As ackward as that was it helped.. I also would put a DVD on for him or get him to sit with me while I read a book... I gave him a teddy so that he could give it 'boobie milk too!'.... then eventually once we all got used to each other it became easier and Aiden is alot more settled..

You are doing an awesome job .... it is harder second time round but you will find your groove and will have more 'better days' xxx I promise

[tellytubby]

oh no
Those first weeks with a toddler and a newborn are definately the toughest.
I found that my DD LIVED on playdough, haha! It was one thing that she never seemed to get sick of, so as soon as DS would start his cluster feeds, I'd pull out the playdough and let her go nuts! She really enjoyed it. Messy as hell, but it gave her soemthing fun to do while boring ol' mum sat on the couch and watched.
I also try and keep books out, so if she wants, she can bring me a book, sit next to me, and we read a book together.

Don't feel bad for wanting to give up, i'm sure we all have our moments
Sending you big warm fuzzy hugs. You're doing an incredible job. You are an incredible mother.

xx

[SammyRo]

Thanks girls! I know it will get easier, guess I just needed to vent and get the negative feeelings out there.

I have been trying to be organised with snacks ready for DD before DS needs a feed, but that doesn't always work! I can keep her entertained if it was only one feed every couple of hours, but yesterday it seemed like I didn't move off the couch for over 2 hours! And that was when we struggled. I do have books handy for DD to bring me, and I've had ABC2 on nonstop which also makes me feel guilty because I hate having the TV on all day.

Didn't think about the playdough - will have to try that! DD loves it!

[boomba]

I've had ABC2 on nonstop which also makes me feel guilty because I hate having the TV on all day

We do too sometimes and I know I did when DS2 was littler....do what makes it easy hun...your doing a great job!
I put DS1 in the highchair to play his playdough that way I know its not being hidden somewhere or smeaed onto anything :P

[Deedles]

I am also worried about how to give DS1 attention when DH is at work and I am B/feeding.
DS2 has a bit of an unsettled tummy and I feel like I am always feeding him. Luckily DS1 only found it hard when I B/F at the beginning and doesn't try to pull DS2 off my boob any more.
ABC2 has been a lifesaver and although I know it is bad for them to watch too much t.v, I at least know he is learning a lot from some of the shows.

I have found though that my 2 yr old DS loves sticker books also and will sit there for quite a while picking and putting the stickers on and off the pages. I know it may sound a bit silly but we also got him a toy baby and when I am feeding DS2 he sometimes sits next to me and pretends to feed it. He really likes it and when he has had enough I get him to show me where the babies nose is or arm etc.
I know how hard it is but we are strong mothers!! Just do what you can and remember your an amazing mum!

[tellytubby]

Sammy - In regards to the snacks. I keep a bowl of washed fruit in the bottom of the fridge, along with bottles of water (old poptop juice bottles). DD knows if she's hungry or thirsty, she can help herself. Its been the best thing i've ever done! No more getting up half way between a breastfeed to get her a drink etc.

hth!

[MantaRay]

Sammy. It is really hard in the beginning when you are juggling a baby and a toddler. It really is exhausting. I hate putting time frames on things, because it's not the same for everyone, but it does get better. Your DS is still very little, soon he will be feeding much quicker and that will make things easier. You will also find that your two little ones will start to work around each other a bit, so that one is happy to play while the other is feeding, and if you are lucky they well might sleep at the same time during the day to give you a break or a chance to get other things done. It takes some time for a "routine" for want of a better word, to fall into place, but it does happen. Then when the baby is a bit bigger, they will entertain each other for a while too so that it is actually easier most of the time with two than with one.

So hang in there hun. I know you are doing it really tough right now but you will get through this. It is worth it

[Laranna]

Sammy, hang in there chick, you're doing a fab job We've been going through the same thing and it's slowly getting better. At first DS acted up a lot whenever I sat down to feed DD. He still does sometimes, but I think I am becoming more aware of being prepared for it. ABC2 has been a lifesaver in our house too. Rather than just plonk him in front of the TV, I sit on the couch feeding DD and I chat to DS about what's happening in the show (Play School, Larry Lawnmower, etc, etc) and encourage him to get up and dance/do actions.

Otherwise, we go sit outside and I sit and feed DD while DS plays in the backyard. I still chat to him about what he's doing. Can he pick me some flowers? How about mow the lawn or dig some dirt into his wheelbarrow, etc... I find that chatting to him about what he's doing keeps him happy, he seems to respond better that mummy can be involved with him and DD at the same time.

With the snacks, I do the same as tellytubby, leave fruit easily accessible in the fridge and he has several water filled drink bottles, in the fridge, on the table etc so he can help himself.

What I found also helped me with the cluster feeding (DD was doing it twice a day as well) was as soon as DS goes down for his nap, I went and laid down on the bed with DD and let her feed feed feed. I got to have a bit of a snooze which really, really helped get through the rest of the day. DD would fall asleep and I would get up and let her finish her nap on the bed. We still do this, I'll take as much sleep as I can get!

But as hard as it is not to, try not to stress, you are doing really well

[SammyRo]

Thank you everyone for your lovely words and support! Got to love this place

Its hard to remember when their so little and you're so tired that it will pass all too quickly! He's still so small as well I suppose and we're all still adjusting!
We've had a mix of good days and bad days, but its getting better! I've found the evenings I'm on my own (like tonight) that rather than feed DS so frequently (sometimes he'd feed then settle for 10mins then be looking for a feed), I've put him in the sling and he's settled really well, so tonight we had a succesful dinner time, bath time and bed time with no tears from any of us I've decided I'm going to do this every evening now - last night, DD was fine during the frequent feedings, but when DH got home from work and had hold of DS, so I could get DD ready for bed - she was realliy playing up, and kept yanking my hair - I figured she was punishing me. DH doesn't get home normally till 7 and tonight is out later, so I figure the sling is going to help a lot!

Thanks again