Balancing your mind

[C~Q]

The last few weeks i've thought that i've been a bit blue. Yesterday while talking to one of my most amazing friends I realised that I wasn't feeling down - I just wasn't really feeling anything.

And it occured to me that it's just that nothing was making me bounce with happiness - there was nothing "wrong", lots of "right" but nothing "amazing". So I was feeling down because I didn't have that "amazing" feeling in my life.

BUT...I don't think thats normal (what the heck is normal lol) to feel amazing all the time. What if just feeling like everything is ok is whats healthy and balanced? It just sort of dawned on me.

I guess i'm always looking to feel happy and then feeling miserable when I don't find it. I read a quote the other day "I gave up on being happy because it made me too sad" Dr D of course! And I think it's so true.

Just wondering what other peoples thoughts are?

Hope it all made sense!!

[Oorki Galoorki]

i get what you mean.. i think.
I too ride out the waves of emotion with lots of flat no peaks or lows...

but i think we need these flat periods to know what a high is to know what a low is... yk?

[C~Q]

And do you think thats the best way to be? So no highs and no lows...not saying it's good to be totally flat and emotionless but it's almost like an addiction trying to be happy all the time don't you think?

[Indadhanu]

I was just writing about this last night!

I think that being ok, and content with, and accepting, what is - is good. But I think striving for happiness is important too. I don't think wanting happiness is bad, but I think being sad about not being happy is a problem though.

I would like to strive to make myself happy, not because I want that happiness high, but because the things and actions that make me happy are positive and good and healthy things to be in my life.
I would like (ideally, in the perfect world KWIM) to be accepting and content with life as it is, even when it isn't perfect because life isn't always perfect. Accepting when things aren't perfect, but still working out why and striving to change it and make it better.

I don't think wanting that amazing feeling is unhealthy, and I don't think that making your life about being happy is wrong either, but it's also important to accept that you aren't always happy. But I don't think you should accept it and not strive to be happy all the time. If you strive to be happy, but accept that sometimes you aren't, then you're letting go of the disappointment if you aren't happy all the time, but not letting go of the goal to be happy.

I hope this made sense? I think I said the same thing about 50 different ways LOL!

[Oorki Galoorki]

i think it is important to cover all emotions
not having really long periods in each but not going from one extreme to the other..

i have some blase weeks (i am in one atm) but i know that soon i will be on a high again.. then i may drop low..

[Lulu]

I don't think it's healthy to try to avoid down times, in fact I believe my best moments of clarity have come from the dark places iykwim? I was reading a great article (that I'm still trying to track down to post here) in which it has been found the we actually operate at a higher level when feeling down/depressed.

Maybe the emos are onto something ? lol

Although Miss Combat, I think you should also consider the highs you get from the physical side of your job. It's fairly known that lots of people get addicted to jogging because of the 'highs' experienced. Not saying you are addicted , but it may well be a physical thing for you too.

[C~Q]

Yunnow i've never thought about that Lu - the high from exercise. It's weird but I don't even notice it anymore but i'm sure I still get it.

I'm just so sick of the low lows...and i'm reasonably content with nothingness, well not nothingness but just not being happy all the time. I mean i'm a pretty positive person, i'm generally cheerful and people descriabe me as friendly and bubbly and when i'm around people I generally always am.

OG - Thats a good way to put it "blase" thats exactly how I feel!

But it kind of feels i'm always looking for somethng to make me "happy" when I should try and get it from stuff I already have. Like the kids, things in my house, nature etc...does that make sense?

Leash - I know EXACTLY what you mean! I think looking for it all the time and getting upset when it doens't automatically come is not good, but being ready to accept it and keeping an eye out for it is a good thing!

If you strive to be happy, but accept that sometimes you aren't,

I think this is it really, thats the balance isn't it...thanks Leash!

Reading this back I kind of feel guilty because i'm saying how I feel "blase" etc when i'm so lucky to have my beautiful family and that should be enough for me shouldn't it??

[megs]

Very good question, although I have absolutely no answer.

At the moment I'm in a very low phase, several factors contibuting to it, but really there is nothing I can do to fix it, they are all very much out of my control.

So how to get back to the balance of enjoying life, as Leasha said, it is good to keep striving for happiness, but is what I deem to need for that happiness what is acutally causing my low moods.

Ahhh I don't know I think I just over think things sometimes.

Good post though

[C~Q]

Hey Megs, sorry you're feeling low When I feel out of control I just think - I can't control what happens to me but I can control how I react to it and my attitude towards that change. I know it's so easy to write that and so hard to actually do though...**hugs** x

[megs]

Thanks C Q, I know just have to get my mojo back. It's in their somewhere just waiting to come out.

[Lulu]

At the moment I'm in a very low phase, several factors contibuting to it, but really there is nothing I can do to fix it, they are all very much out of my control.

I understand how you feel. I've had this going on for a couple of years now
Things I can't change or control....for awhile it's felt like everytime I surface a great big bloody boot pushes me back under.

BUT - I take every opportunity to have a laugh where I can. I watch funny shows, I do my best to catch up with friends and ensure they have me giggling and even head on down to the Just Kidding section in here, cos that usually gets a smile

Nothing can chase the crapness away like a good belly laugh xoxoxo

[megs]

Very true Lulu, surrounding myself with positive minded people does help.

It is hard when you can't remove, or fix what the problem is, I think it is just trying to work around it, and Iremind myself that I am really blessed in many other ways.

Might have to venture on in to the Just Kidding section.

Finally had a good talk to DH about my issues last night (he is one of those men that just doesn't talk about things, very frustrating) I explained to him that I wasn't blaming him for anything, but that I needed him to see that what I was feeling was valid.

Feeling a lot better today - thank goodness as last week was one of the worst I have had for a very long time.

[C~Q]

I have one friend who I go to whenever I feel down/blue/weird/meh/icky and he sorts me out everytime. It's so important to havea friend like that I think. It's good to get yourself out of these things but if you have positive people around you then grab a bottle of wine and a pizza and rock on up! I love this quote from Mark Twain "against the assult of laughter, nothing can stand" I think it's so so true

Glad you had a chat with hubby, it's important to be on the same page x

[Bathsheba]

Interesting thread. I have seemed to come to the conclusion that i am naturally a pretty reflective person who prefers to potter along at a fairly calm pace. I enjoy the highs when they come but find that high emotion is exhausting and unnatural for me to maintain for long periods of time. I've actually deleted my first person from FB because every day she was encouring everyone to GO GO GO GET 'EM... LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST... SEIZE EVERY MOMENT! God it was exhausting to read let alone aspire to. Not that I begrudge that... it's just not me...and i kinda find it annoying. I'm not very Alpha. I'm not Omega (chronically down) either... what's the Greek letter for M? I'm M... middle of the alphabet and moderate in emotion... well, i like to be. I agree CQ, I preference to see a bit of balance in myself and the people around me. When i feel crap that's ok... you can only see lightening against a dark thoundercloud... if you are bright everyday it would end up meaning very little in the end. A kick up the bum or a bit of inspiration is great occassionally... but you need to feel heard first otherwise it's just dismissive.

Personally I think it's best to aim toward being able to self-soothe with the intention on getting back on track... rather than try to hype yourself up to kind of mask why you are feeling crap in the first place. Sometimes you just have to feel crap to truly move on. Avoiding the emotional work you have to do to dig yourself out of the hole will just see you sliding back down it the moment you let go on the tenous hold of distraction. Just what I've observed.

[C~Q]

Wow Bath you seem to put whats in my mind on paper so well! You and Innana Thats exactly how I feel, you have to have both and acknowledge both before you can be centred and balanced.

What you said about being heard or feeling like you're being dismissed is so true as well. I have a friend who does that - says great things but it's like she listens...says "uh huh" then parrots out what she's read ina book. And although the advice is good sometimes I wonder if she was really listening at all.

I bought this little trinckett (sp?) thing in a gift shop today. It was a little rustic metal square and on one side it said "believe" and on the other side it said "everything happens for a reason". When I bought it the lady said "that's a nice gift for someone" and I said "actually I bought it for me - to keep in my purse" and she smiled then said "I want to tell you, and I don't know why - that you can only see the rainbow after a storm" and she touched my arm and smiled and said thank you...

It was so nice and made me think that yes, you do need to feel the lows to appreciate the highs

[Bathsheba]

What a sweet lady. I think that some people get unsure how to process those down days and panic. It's a shame. As I grow older I have learnt that those days never last (if you seek help or a good listener if it gets really tough). Maybe being a creative person (art and writing) has helped me to realise too that those down days are often a font of creativity as the mind seeks answers. So yes, there is a reason for feeling down... it's not as pointless as most people think. The tricky thing is to know when to seek support... and to find the right kind of aupport.