hwo do you know when its time to give up?

[kawazuki]

how do you know its time to leave work and Stay at home with your kids?

we are in a bind at the moment.

financially we are not better off me being at work as we have to fork out over $400 a week in day care for 2 kids.

i only just cover this with my income.

i am feeling guilty being at work when i just want to stay home and keep the great Bf'ing journey going. it looked like it was over but it all came back

i feel guilty when i only work half a day as i dont feel it is worthwhile.

i love my job though and feel guilty for thinking of leaving or dropping back to just one day.

i am torn.
just wondering how you overcome this and make the right decision

as if i pull the girls out i may not get the days back and wont be able to work.
but if i keep working will i regret it later on.

[Mrs Jak]

Sounds like you know what you want to do, but still feel guilty.

Unfortunately, (IMO) I think it's a sign of the times we live in, where we as Mothers feel pressure to stay in the workforce. Pressure that's either placed on us by ourselves or society.

I think it's great if it makes sense for your family, or enjoyment to work, but if you're going backwards and/or not enjoying it, then it's something to question.

I recently resigned at the end of my maternity leave after having my 2nd child, because I'm pregnant with my 3rd (unplanned) and even though it made perfect sense for us for me to leave, it was kind of hard to let go of that part of my life for now.

I sometimes wonder if my kids will actually be better off having me at home? Poor things I must say (IMO) I am improving as a sahm though

[kawazuki]

thats it

well financially we are backwards if i stay as day care is going up.

but personal guilt makes me want to stay at work. then i feel selfish lol
viscous circle.

actually typing it all out helps alot

[kelebek]

I went back 3 days a week when DS was 11 mnths old. When we looked at it we were better off financially with me staying at home with him. They are only little for such a short amount of time and before you know it they will be at school. I know I plan on doing some study and you can always retrain when they are at school and start working again.

[kawazuki]

i think if i left totally i would re train in a different field.

i dont think i could walk back into nursing after being away for 3-5 years.

[Bathsheba]

I know the guilt... went through that with my first child. Then... after i returned to uni and finished my degree ontop of working i realised that i had been so busy that my DD's childhood was nearly over! So when she was 9 I had my second child and swore i would not miss his childhood so decided to a fulltime SAHM. And then i had a third... and now it's been 7 years being a SAHM and even though it's been hard financially and for my sense of fulfillment (I cant wait to return to work) I don't regret it. Maybe if i had my extended family around i could have balanced work and homelife but with no one to help it just all seemed to come down to me. my youngest is nearly 4. After we move the plan is to settle him into kinder creche and then for me to find part time work. i'm not so hesitiant because i'll have extended family around to help. So how did i know? After watching my first child's life fly by... and not wanting to miss as much of my son's childhoods... plus yes... it costs too much to go to work!!!

ETA: my mother returned to nursing after a 20 year break... can be done... but i can't say she's that happy... but the money is good as a casual nurse.

[kelebek]

and that's ok to be in a totally different field cause to be honest after having kids we are totally different people. I know that I won't be going back into my old field but still can't decide what I wanna be when I grow up

[kawazuki]

and that's ok to be in a totally different field cause to be honest after having kids we are totally different people. I know that I won't be going back into my old field but still can't decide what I wanna be when I grow up

i think thats it as well
i feel lost in my job.


bath you make a great point.
it is more expensive to go to work than stay home.
i am paying to go to work at the moment.
and i do feel i am missing alot of my little girl.

now just to figure out how this is going to fit in with our plans lol...

[Bathsheba]

So true... before kids i was in hospitality... worked in kitchens... post kids i want to be a teacher... NEVER in my wildest dreams did i imagine yself being a teacher pre-kids!

[kawazuki]

So true... before kids i was in hospitality... worked in kitchens... post kids i want to be a teacher... NEVER in my wildest dreams did i imagine yself being a teacher pre-kids!

i was dead set on doing my nursing the going into paramedics and becomeing a bike ambo.

now i want to do something liek teaching or run my own buisness etc..

[~me~]

It's such a dilemma...one we are constantly thinking about while on Mat Leave. While on Mat leave I have dropped DS2 to 1day care to 'keep me in' and will stop that when I make a final decision.
A friend made a very good point, she said and I quote "we got out numbered so I had to stay home" and she said that in a very positive way.
That's pretty much how I feel and your post is also sounding that way.
Are you a nurse kawazuki? Another friend dropped during the week work altogether and worked one shift a night on weekends and that seemed to make a difference.
I worked two days and I am due back in September...will ask for another 12mths and re-assess then. Is that a something you can do?

[kawazuki]

im back at work now..
weekends are a possiblity. especially fi i am going to be home all week.

yes i am a nurse now. i work in general practice so do 9-5 monday to friday.

i coudl go back to nursing home work, but we have sport commitments and the like on weekends and hubby doesnt want me doing nights again as i tend to be constantly sick my immune system shuts down..

[~Kim~]

hey hun, as you know, I've been there the last few months.
I'm also an RN who hasn't practised for a number of years.

Put a different spin on it.....
I am eternally grateful that my situation leaves me able to be a SAHM. I never thought I would ever get the chance and even though it wasn't entirely voluntary, my kids will benefit from me being around all the time.

I was backed into a corner at work and so quit at the end of my mat/LS leave. It meant we had to pull DD out of daycare, but that's OK too.
Let go of your guilt. Make the decision based on you and your family's needs, not what 'should' happen.

[AnyDream]

I think there are probably some other options on the table for you other than work all week vs stay at home all week. For example, if you find a longer shift so you can work one or two long days rathr than all week, or work on a weekend/nights so the penalty rates make it more worth your while, kwim? I"m sure as a nurse there are lots of different types of job opportunities, even if it's in a related area. It also pays to do a bit of research about what your CC options are, it could be that there are some fantastic FDC or community-run child care centres that have better availability, which might ease your concerns about losing CC places. HTH

[kawazuki]

thanx marydean..
have looked through our area for FDC only 2 available all booked up.
our current daycare is the cheapest i have found ( been looking for 2 years) as they supply nappies and all food.

i will not work in hospitals again especially the one down here, its horrible staff moral is crap and the bosses are rude and horrible hence why i left.

weekend work doesnt suite us either. we can survive if i dont work. but if the girls are in school i need to work to pay for CC..

my wage goes solely on CC i get maybe 50 a week to save or spend, rest is out of hubbys wage.

so its mainly a guilt thing lol

i am going to talk to my boss this week or next and see where i stand etc

[Lulu]

oh pffft to the guilt. What is guilt doing for you? Nuttin.

So stay home.

[kawazuki]

i luv ya lulu...

true
all its doing is causing lack of sleep, me being cranky and then hubby being cranky lol

well i will eb talking to my boss hope to stay one day a week but if not no drama, just send tay one day a week then and keep maree home with me all day..

thank you to everyone who replied..

maybe i can do a typing course so i can actually type better lol