Bubs' eyes?

[TeniBear]

I'm reading a few babyloss blogs at the moment (I've even found one that had a post about me!) and I've noticed a few of them mention that they opened their babies' eyes... Is this something "normal" babyloss mummas do? (Normal - there's a joke. I'll never even be close to normal again.)

I didn't think it was really possible to open Ianto's eyes, I didn't even try for fear of "hurting" him, or seeing something I didn't want to see (bleeding, or something worse I can't even imagine...)

But what if I missed out? Should I have opened his eyes and taken in every part of him? I... I don't know what I think about this. I want to go back and open them now, see his beautiful eyes, take photos and look at them all the time...

Did anyone else open their bubba's eyes?

[thepixie]

Oh Teni babe, I really don't know.... I just wanted to for you reading that....

[Junglemum]

Oh Tenibear, I'm so sorry. What if's are always hard, but trust that what you felt in your heart when you were holding Ianto was right. You wiped his nose, straightened his clothes. I don't think you missed out on anything. He was sleeping.

[Mildez]

Teni bear again I am so sorry that Ianto's life with you was so short.

I myself as a midwife haven't seen any mummy's open their sleeping bubs eyes personally (not saying they didn't whilst I wasn't there) unless bub had been deceased for a longer period of time (say a week plus) I don't think you would have seen anything that would have upset you more like blood etc. It could have also been difficult like you said you thought it might have been. If I were in your position I don't think I would have tried either. Ianto looked so perfect sleeping and you have captured some beautiful pictures of him in your blog.

Time with Ianto was so short before you also said goodbye to him. I am sorry you didn't have a lifetime with him on Earth to see him grow and see every part of him.

[Pandora]

:hugs:
You made, grew and birthed your little boy, you are every part of him and he every part of you.
Thanks for linking that blog, your birth notice for Ianto is beautiful,and made me cry.

[Lisa]

Oh honey. I just want to give you a huge hug

[Michelle71]

DH did for Caitlyn. I don't think it is unusual. We didn't take eyes open photos though. All were eyes closed.

Sometimes it is written in your memory book with the weight / hair colour what colour the eyes were

[Tegam]

:hugs:
You made, grew and birthed your little boy, you are every part of him and he every part of you.
Thanks for linking that blog, your birth notice for Ianto is beautiful,and made me cry.

Couldnt have said it better!

[Spring Angel]

I did. DH didn't want to look but I had to.

I regret other things though, like not taking more photos. But it is such an intense time and it's impossible to think straight, I don't think there would be many of us who don't have regrets.

spring x

[Joselyn]

TeniBear,

I am so sorry, so so so sorry (teary also). I was in a similar place only two years ago with my daughter Grace. I lost my beautiful girl at 22 weeks because I didn't know I had an IC. I won't try to say that I know how you feel, each experience is different and 32 weeks is along time. I just cannot imagine your pain...

There is no advice that I can give you, just support. I want to say that your little precious soul came into the world sleeping peacefully and sleeping peacefully is how you shall remember him. I hope you don't have any regrets about your time spent with Ianto, the vividness of the day somehow fades in time and it sits deep within your conciousness. Its been two years and I find that I don't remember much because my body has supressed the hurt but I do remember holding my little girl, telling her that I love her and promising to honour her every day form that point on. And I have. (I am crying as I write this - the hurt never leaves you). You should be proud of yourself for being strong enough to talk about it and don't ever think that being happy again means that you're leaving him behind. He'll always be right beside you! And he wouldn't want any other way.

In closing I just want to say that I now have a beautiful little boy (and I'm not sure if its helpful to hear this or if its harder, but I mean well). I wanted to tell you so that you could allow yourself to hurt and heal slowly. Don't rush it. My son Jay brings me so much joy and I always imagine if Grace would have looked like him. I know she plays with him, I know she's always around. Just like Ianto.

One thing that we must always remember is that life is so short and you have to try and pick yourself up again, when the time is right.

I am really sorry again, I am sorry to all the girls who found themselves in this chat room. I spent months talking to the group of girls that were in the same position as me at that time and it really helped because NO ONE understands this like we do.

All my love to each of you. Jasmine xx

[turtleschell]

just read your blog and can't stop crying.

[helle]

I didn't open Jayvan's... but I'd say his would have still be fused shut. But had they not been, I don't think I would have either. I didn't even give him a little mummy cuddle before I said they could take him away. There is nothing more precious about how beautiful a peacefully sleeping bubba looks, whether they are heaven or earth side, and I think the memory you have of him is gorgeous <3

Always remember you did the best you could in the situation you were put in. Don't have any regrets.

[Inanna]

Teni beautiful
I have seen some people open their babies eyes - others not. I understand about missing out - regretting what you could have done.
What I've learned is what you did at the time sweet woman was perfect for that time - for Ianto.

You are an amazing, courageous woman - we are blessed to have you in our community.

[feeb]

Hugs hun, you did what felt right for you at the time. From what I have read or experienced thru work most people have a regret over something, as at the time you are full of so many varrying emotions.

You birthed your beautiful boy and have so many awesome pictures to remember him by. Treasure the memories you have.

xoxo

[beckoes]

hugs to you. xxx

[dory]

Teni - I had never even thought of it ....

Remember Ianto as he was - peaceful and beautiful and your soft sweet smudge. He is always surrounded in your love and he is always safe now, in your heart.

[~StarBright~]

I think it so hard to know what to do in our situations and often there are regrets and second thoughts and "should i have's" and questions- and sadly we never have that chance to do things once our time is up....

I went to open Zahra's eyes, i wanted to know what colour they were- and when i opened her eye i didnt see a very clear image of anything- it wasnt gross, but it wasnt like opening someones eye who was asleep. She was only 35w5 days though- not sure if that made any difference... i only tried the once- i did give her a wash and dress her and tried to soak up all her little bits and peices when i did that, and i was really hesitant to open her eyes out of fear and also i didnt want to hurt her

I think (from what i read) you spent your time with Ianto beautifully- i didnt spend nearly as much time with Zahra which i regret now, and i didnt see Darren at all, which i REALLY regret. But at the time it felt right, and in that situation, you just have so much going on that there is no right or wrong.

Yo will find some days that things will pop up and you will wish you had done this or that- but try not to let it upset you- you did the best you could at the time- and your love for your little boy is no less because you didnt open his eyes xoxoxo


Take care xoxox