I regret other things though, like not taking more photos. But it is such an intense time and it's impossible to think straight, I don't think there would be many of us who don't have regrets.
@ TeniBear and all the girls in Miscarriage and Loss
TeniBear,
I am so sorry, so so so sorry (teary also). I was in a similar place only two years ago with my daughter Grace. I lost my beautiful girl at 22 weeks because I didn't know I had an IC. I won't try to say that I know how you feel, each experience is different and 32 weeks is along time. I just cannot imagine your pain...
There is no advice that I can give you, just support. I want to say that your little precious soul came into the world sleeping peacefully and sleeping peacefully is how you shall remember him. I hope you don't have any regrets about your time spent with Ianto, the vividness of the day somehow fades in time and it sits deep within your conciousness. Its been two years and I find that I don't remember much because my body has supressed the hurt but I do remember holding my little girl, telling her that I love her and promising to honour her every day form that point on. And I have. (I am crying as I write this - the hurt never leaves you). You should be proud of yourself for being strong enough to talk about it and don't ever think that being happy again means that you're leaving him behind. He'll always be right beside you! And he wouldn't want any other way.
In closing I just want to say that I now have a beautiful little boy (and I'm not sure if its helpful to hear this or if its harder, but I mean well). I wanted to tell you so that you could allow yourself to hurt and heal slowly. Don't rush it. My son Jay brings me so much joy and I always imagine if Grace would have looked like him. I know she plays with him, I know she's always around. Just like Ianto.
One thing that we must always remember is that life is so short and you have to try and pick yourself up again, when the time is right.
I am really sorry again, I am sorry to all the girls who found themselves in this chat room. I spent months talking to the group of girls that were in the same position as me at that time and it really helped because NO ONE understands this like we do.
I didn't open Jayvan's... but I'd say his would have still be fused shut. But had they not been, I don't think I would have either. I didn't even give him a little mummy cuddle before I said they could take him away. There is nothing more precious about how beautiful a peacefully sleeping bubba looks, whether they are heaven or earth side, and I think the memory you have of him is gorgeous <3
Always remember you did the best you could in the situation you were put in. Don't have any regrets.
Last edited by Spring Angel; May 22nd, 2010 at 08:09 PM.
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