I think we are doing our children a disservice...

[Rouge]

By not getting them to do more chores around the house.

Out of most of my friends (including school parents) DD does the most. And I realised tonight she could be doing more.

Not only do they each have to clean up all areas of their own belongings, but they are also expected to keep their rooms tidy, put away their own clothes. And sometimes DD will even fold her own.

DD will put away the dishes from the dishwasher, DS will take out the recycling. DD even does a bit of weeding here and there. But generally if I'm doing something they do a lot. Whether it's lift out the vacuum cleaner, or set the table or even take the clothes out of the dryer and put them in the basket to be folded they pull their weight.

I realised this tonight as DD asked if she could peel the potatoes and chop them up. Sure I thought. And then I realised that when I was her age I was washing dishes, drying up, putting away, folding clothes, sorting them for mum to put them in the washing machine. I'd sweep outside, rake leaves, dust, take out the rubbish etc It didn't break me, in fact it lead me (I believe) to be a good housekeeper. Sure I probably whinged at the time, but I think it was more to do with how I was asked to help than anything. Both my kids have always been willing, and when we are done we actually get to spend quality time with each other and they now see this as a pay off in a positive way. If I had to do it all myself they wouldn't get to spend time with me. DD has even said to me before "I know this is hard for me now, but you do a 100 times what I do and I will have to one day too." So she gets that it's not unfair. She actually sees it as completely fair.

I also instill independence in my children. They dress themselves, they are responsible for laying out their own clothes. DD has started doing her own hair. She also runs her own shower (we taught her) and will sometimes run a bath for her brother if I'm busy with dinner. They even grab the cereal themselves and make their own breakfast on school days. They can do it, they enjoy it and they need to learn, so why shouldn't they?

So why is it that most people do everything for their children and have such a hard time giving them independence and teaching them the necessities of life? They live in the house and therefore IMO they should contribute in their own way.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who thinks this?

I often wonder given how hands on we are as parents in comparison to our parents (when it comes to interaction and play) and the fact that most parents do everything these days it's no wonder some houses aren't as spick and span as say generations before us. And no I'm not saying your house needs to be perfect, but I know so many people who struggle with day to day life and would be happier if they didn't.

[Tinks]

I couldn't agree more.

I'm in the middle of cooking tea, will come back later to add more.

[briggsy's girl]

i dont see anything wrong with everyone chipping in! we already encourage E to help. she has helped in the garden, she tries to help take washing to the laundry, she picks her own nappy and takes to her couch ready for changes etc. we still have to do most of it but i figure it wont hurt her to chip in a bit!22

[Traveller]

I completely agree. My oldest two have to put away their own laundry, and all the children have to clear their plates after meals and put dirty laundry in the basket. They also have to keep their rooms, and the playroom, tidy. The older boys regularly vacuum too. I stop short of getting them to do the dishes as they stack it wrong, but I will work on this with them and eventually they can do this too, but they do help me unstack it when it has finished.

I did kinda think I was a bit of a cruel mum getting them to do chores, glad I am not the only one. I think it does them good. DH could not do his own laundry when I moved in with him (aged 25) but I was doing all the housework (on a rota system) including laundry and cooking meals from 16. I'm so glad one of us could cook and clean otherwise I dread to think what our house would have looked like

[Oorki Galoorki]

I think it is very important they do their share..
my kids are mostly independant too relative to their age (3 and almost 5).. their rooms are their responsibility as is getting there stuff out of the living areas. they definatley can dress them selves and mostly choose what they wear..
at this point they dont help with cutting any foods but do help to get goods that are needed for dinner from the fridge or cupboards.

i had no form of housework ethos instilled in me as a child(our house was disgusting.. well the parents house is still a pig sty) so i like my kids helping(most of the time) in maintaining the house. I am not anal about tidiness but we all help out.

[Shanti]

I also agree with this. In parenting, we need to help set up our children to be independent, how to care for themselves in the big wide world...... by teaching them independence through helping with household chores, then we really are doing the best thing for our kids. I was reading a book recently that mentioned this in it and it gave me alot of thought about it all.

We provide DD with the security of co-sleeping, cuddles whenever she needs/wants them etc.... yet also teaching her small bits of independence along the way such as helping me bring in the laundry, folding her clothes/nappies, teaching her to help us put her dirty plate to Daddy so he can wash it etc..... and she LOVES helping!

[mrsmac]

As a teacher I couldn't agree more!!
This year in my kindy class (5 yr olds) I have a couple who are so babied they cannot do ANYTHING for themselves and not even clearly ask someone else to do it either! I have one boy who just says "jumper" and looks all babyish.... um no !! If you ask me properly I will help you take it off and show you how to do it but not like that when English is your only language and you are not speech impaired!
Some of mine can't even put their reading folder in a box each morning their mum's do it.
Sorry- rant over, it just frustrates me that we are creating a wave of helpless children who cannot do anything for themselves.

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

I think you're right on the mark! DH told me about a girl he grew up with, who had never done any housework or cooking in her life - her Mum had always done it. When she got married, it took her husband all of a month to send her back home and tell her to learn how to be useful around the house Sounds horribly chauvinist, but he was pulling in a good wage, they lived very comfortably, she didn't have to work at all, yet she didn't have the knowledge of even the most basic housework. She came back after 2 weeks and they were both much happier

How else are kids going to learn to one day live on their own, and look after their own families, if they've never had to do it?

[briggsy's girl]

thinking about this while we were making dinner just now (home made pizza) - DD was sitting in her high chair, involved in what was going on. yeah, she is way too young to help, but she was still involved. when we were putting things away, she was responsible for closing the fridge after Daddy put the stuff away. She then went and grabbed her drink cup and took it back to the kitchen. it's all small stuff but it's a start!

i think there are some parents who take it too far and expect their kids to do everything (they slack off while their kids do it all) but it's a great start to real life to have expectations. DH and I mostly work together to do everything, and i would hope DD sees that as the way it should be.

[Floweryfields]

I agree with you definitely. I see alot of it at work, children who we encourage to be responsible for themselves, their belongings, simple stuff, yet mum does everything for them, these are often the kids who lose everything, their bag is never put away properly, they can't find their hat, etc
. I think children definitely need to have some sense of responsibility at home - chores that they are expected to do and not necessarily for payment in return. By having responsibilities that they are required to do, it is instilling a sense of responsibility for life, afterall, when we grow up, we all have to do these things, and no one pays us for them then.

[Floweryfields]

As a teacher I couldn't agree more!!
This year in my kindy class (5 yr olds) I have a couple who are so babied they cannot do ANYTHING for themselves and not even clearly ask someone else to do it either! I have one boy who just says "jumper" and looks all babyish.... um no !! If you ask me properly I will help you take it off and show you how to do it but not like that when English is your only language and you are not speech impaired!
Some of mine can't even put their reading folder in a box each morning their mum's do it.
Sorry- rant over, it just frustrates me that we are creating a wave of helpless children who cannot do anything for themselves.

Yep, this is the kind of thing I am talking about, it is NOT too much to expect a 5 year old to be capable of putting away their backpack, lunchbox, hanging up their hat. And they should be able to try to put on their own shoes and jumpers, etc. We teach them these skills, but they should be things being taught at home. 5 year olds aren't babies.

[Traveller]

home made pizza is my personal favourite for teaching the kids to cook. Scones are another good one, they can really get stuck in and eat their creation at the end. Cutting the scones into animal shapes makes it even more fun.

Picking up their toys is the first chore I teach my kids. They love it, and my boys have so much fun tidying their bedroom then showing me the result. I have to say they are much tidier than I was as their age, but they do earn pocket money for their efforts.

[Lulu]

It's not only the helplessness, it's the expectation that someone else will do things for them when they get older. I was gobsmacked when I stayed at a friends place and his 17yr old didn't lift a finger the entire week. Had his washing done, folded and put in his room *vomit and seemed completely unable to serve his own dinner when it was made. He just stood in the kichen till someone did it for him *more vomit.

I ripped his dad a new one, and he just shrugged and said he didn't mind.

[Rouge]

Thank goodness You've all made me so much happier.

Don't worry mrsmac I totally get you. Our old principal actually makes the preps carry their own bags, but once they left the gates the parents would do it

Oh Lu I'm glad you ripped him a new one, that would irritate me to no end.

And please, don't get me wrong. I understand the motivation behind it. It's all about caring for your child, and nurturing them. But y'know when they leave home and don't even know how to boil water you haven't really nurtured them have you? I commend my MIL for what she taught my husband. I know if I were not here he would keep a good house and he would also expect our children to do the same.

[ladybird11]

DD is 2.5 and we've already got her doing bits and pieces - very important stuff like mixing the cake batter, putting her and DS's bottles in the sink, packing up their toys etc.

I never had to do anything when I was a kid, and as a result it felt like although we were all related and under the same roof, we were all off on our different tangents. I think everyone pitching helps foster a team work attitude within the family unit.

I totally agree!

[butterfly_warrior]

It's something I've been VERY aware of. Coming from a slightly different angle - DH grew up with a chronically ill mother so had to do a lot around the house to help. Sam is now in the same boat - growing up with a chronically ill mother and I know that he'll have to do a lot as he gets older to help out. I simply CAN'T do as much for my child as some parents do for theirs.

Sam already loves to help unload the dishwasher. I give him the plastic stuff... if I open the cupboards for him it mostly gets put away. He's also taken to putting his own cups in the sink - completely of his own accord. He also likes to help me hang up the washing - he'll hand me the pegs. If I'm bringing it in, he'll pick up any pegs I drop and make sure they go in the bucket. Of course, he does all of this with the attention span of the 19 month old he is - it's not all that uncommon to find him wandering off through the backyard with the peg bucket or that he's taken the plastic measuring cups to the lounge room to play with them.

For me... every time I tried to cook something growing up my mother would come in and take over. It's taken me a long, long time to become comfortable and confident in my own kitchen. I don't want my kids to be like that!

BW

[thepixie]

My 2 year old is desperate to help with anything and everything - cooking, washing, cleaning folding - "me help, me help, me help". Of course she isn't a huge amount of help, but as much as I can I try to let her get involved, stuffing the washing machine or pulling things out, stirring things for cooking and she does put her toys away (sometimes). I realised today I should get her to sweep the leaves off the front verandah (which I am sure she will love) and tomorrow she is going to help me make muffins for RSPCA cupcake day. I think there should definitely more of it Rouge, we don't want our kids growing up helpless and dependent - that's not really growing up!

[Lulu]

It was pretty funny (NOT), when the same dude is complaining about how lazy his son is! When I pointed out that he wasn't required to lift a finger, again he would say either but I like doing it for him, or I want it done properly.

Really - I did lotsa cooking, made up heaps of stuff for snacks etc, but the lazy turd wouldn't make himself a bloody sandwich and went hungry until his dad got home.

One thing I will do differently with these little ones is expect alot more. With my big DD I was so busy it seemed easier to do it myself. She always had to clean her room (I often helped when she was little), but when I was working f/t I just wanted to play with her.
NOW, I am teaching the little ones this first- then play. I also make it heaps of fun and part of everyday life, not a "chore" so to speak. I don't want to go through more fights like last time when I only expected DD to step up to the plate as she got older.