frustrated with 6 week old baby and partner

[mum2be2010]

hi ladies,

just needing a vent as i dont feel im being listened to elsewhere

my partner has been complaining the last few nights about not being able to sleep without me as he's having bad dreams yet i dont sleep in bed with him as our daughter makes too many noises during the night and cries of course. Hence i sleep on the sofa bed with her. i can't win there its a no win situation as he needs his sleep for work. he has been coming home from work looking after her during the evening while i had some sleep now he wants to come home to study i guess ill be doing most of the looking after while he works and studies grrr

my second issue is DD can be a fussy baby doesnt like being put down for very long preferring to be cuddled this makes it hard to have a shower eat or do any housework how do you ladies cope with this???

its only just starting to get to me i guess because im pretty sleep deprived as DD isnt a great sleeper either. we feed her formula to top her up and to give me a break she often chucks up after which can be quite a bit esp if she has worked herself up.

anyway thanks for listen to my vent!

[CoNNiE_Melb]

OMG... I know exactly how you are feeling! I am at the exact same stage as you... hence my thread aswell. Last night was the first night I have spent in our bed in weeks. We had DS in our bedroom but moved him out because I couldnt sleep through all his noises.

DS is the same in that he doesnt want to sleep alone... but I am persisting - letting him fall asleep on me but then putting him into his cradle - not sure if that is the right thing to be doing either.

Just be careful with the topping up formula when she cries, we were doing this and ended up feeding him too much, too often and he got a tummy ache - which made him very cranky and sore, but at the same time made him look for more milk to try and soothe the pain.

I have been feeling the same - like noone cares, my life has been tipped upside down and this baby has become all my responsibility... if you need someone to talk to, maybe you should think about seeing a good counsellor? I have started seeing one twice a week, and I really look forward to it each time - whether its to cry, laugh or just whinge! They HAVE to listen to you, because you pay them to.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

First of all a big for you, your doing an amazing job even if you don't think you are.

1. If you co-sleep in your bed does your partner wake a lot or your just worried the noises WILL wake him?
My DP works long hours and at the start we had DD2 in our bed a lot, i was worried she would keep him awake but after a couple of nights he slept through her cries and it was no longer an issue, she was comfy, i was comfy and we all got some much needed rest.

2. Could she have a bit of reflux? Have you tried propping her up a little when you put her down, she might not like laying flat and thats why she enjoys being cuddled?

Do you have a carrier? DD2 is a velcro baby, was permanently attached to me when she was younger and would scream if i left the room, i found using my carrier worked wonders, she would sleep if she needed to otherwise would just look around and enjoy mummy cuddles.

As to how do we do it, i don't know, there are days where i honestly think OMG why on earth did i have these kids, DD1 like to 'help' with the washing and stuff now so i just move DD2 from room to room with me and give DD1 a cloth to pretend to clean, it's the only way for me.
everyone has their own way of doing it, you WILL find what works for you, then just go with it.

Oh and a big for your partner looking after her when he gets home.. i could only DREAM my DP would do that, i never got that luxury, he came home i was cooking tea and juggling 2 kids... maybe you can compromise, he takes her for say an hr while you nap then he can study.. would that work?

[delphmoon]

My DD was the same. I slept on the couch for the first 4 weeks of her life and was getting upset that I wasn't cuddling up to hubby (who needed his sleep).

All I can do is tell you what I did and hopefully some of it will give you ideas..

DD firstly was getting belly aches from the formula and she was throwing up with it to. I let her sleep in her bouncer which kept her elevated so stopped her from throwing up...I also became more vigilant about burping her properly.

I also stopped sleeping in the lounge with her and brought the bouncer in the bedroom with me and DH. I slept with the light dimmed and when she woke for a feed I would feed her there-beside the bed. That way she wasn't getting over stimulated. I don't know if it was luck but letting her sleep in the bouncer and feeding her in the quiet and darkenend bedroom seemed to work. When she stirred I would soothe her with my voice rather than rocking or patting (as I didn't want her to get used to be rocked to sleep).
Only this week I have moved her into the cot (which is in our room). She sleeps right through (at the moment ) and when she does stir I can soothe her with afew "its alright baby" and she goes back to sleep.

Maybe its luck though

I remember a disagreement I had with DH when DD was 3 weeks old. DH felt HE was sleep deprived and wanted more sleep because HE had to work...excuse me!!!!!!!! I informed him in no uncertain terms that I had not since the day DD was born had more than 3-4 hours of sleep a night if I was lucky and here I was bringing up a baby who cried and screamed, required feeding and changing, and loving whilst still cleaning the house cooking tea, doing the daily errands etc...this is not working??? LOL...my blood still boils when I think about it.

Basically, your working too-so if DH gets a bad nights sleep- well- stiff cheddar I say...seriously...

[Kazbah]

What we did was I slept on the jason recliner with Pip on my chest for the first 6 weeks of his life. DH worked too, and I was worried about him not getting enough rest. We FF him, which was a lifesaver for me - every saturday night was my night "off". I figured that Friday night DH needed to recover from work, sunday night he needed to get well-rested for work. So Saturday night was my night - DH would look after Pip, on the recliner, all night. He'd start off putting him down and trying to sleep in our bed, but that just didn't work, and he found the recliner did (like I said!). Sometimes they (DHs) really need to experience before they believe. Also I found that knowing DH was looking after DS meant that I really did sleep well and that would give me so much energy - mental and physical.

Good luck!!!

[misty]

My first was exactly the same. She had reflux which just made everything worse. I spent alot of time sleeping in an ezy-boy rocker recliner (the best $500 I have ever spent) because I just could not put her down. The other thing I did was bring her in bed with DH and myself, she would snuggle in and I at least got a little rest - DH will probably surprise you at being able to sleep right through her being there. And if not, he can always sleep on the sofa bed Yes he needs his sleep, but so do you!! In fact my DH learnt very quickly that it was actually more important for ME to get sleep then him, because 1) I was the sole carer of our child, if I couldn't function it was dangerous for our baby 2) If I was sleep deprived I became a horrible person to live with - angry, grumpy, miserable, no labido. You need to worry about you first, because if you don't look after yourself, how on earth are you going to be able to look after anyone or anything else. Also, if you are able at all sleep during the day when bubs does - forget about housework and everything else, take care of yourself first.

I also had a couple of different carry pouches for during the day and a bouncer she would sleeping during the day (because if was inclined she could sleep in it without chucking up everywhere. We also propped the mattress in the cot up so it was inclined once she got a bit bigger - you just put a rolled up towel under one end of the mattress.



I know it doesn't help, but it does get better. A couple of weeks is such a long time when you are sleep deprived and paricularly when you are looking after your first baby (especially when it is such a needy baby). But it does get better.

[mum2be2010]

thanks ladies, it makes me feel better that im not alone. what type of baby slings would you recommend?? i've tried to put her in the bubba moe sling a few times she seems to hate not being able to see out, its good if i want to carry her around but not if she wants to go to sleep! i think i'll have quite a few questions for you ladies ...i guess i've got to keep persisting to get her to sleep at least even in the bouncer?

[kelebek]

I remember those early days so well and it really is hard
you could try a HAB or wrap style carrier that means bubs will be more upright which should help with reflux. DS was the same and it just felt like I could not put him down, I kept reminding myself that we were one for 9 mnths and so it is fairly reasonable to him that he would want to be cuddled and reassured in this strange world. TBH (and sorry if this grosses people out) there were weeks were I didn't have a shower everyday. Have one when DH is home and let him watch DD. Another tip Sleep when she does, the housework will wait but this time will go by soooo quickly.

[starangelk]

Mum2be - we have a baby bjorn. I know there is alot of information about these not being great but DD is only in it about once a week for a few hours. When she was little like your LO, we had her facing towards us and as she was upright she got alot of burps and wind out. Then from the rocking motion of us walking, she would just drift off to sleep with her head resting against my chest. It worked for both of us...........hugs for you. You are not alone, we're all here for you.

[kungfubecca]

hmm, my dh does a lot, but i feel guilty because he does that much, but I do have clingy children too, and the more tired they are the more clingy they are.

being a second child i got a cradle this time, on wheels, If she was unsettled I would wheel her around the house with me, and could put it beside the bed with me.
my dh i want to sleep because he drives too much and I don't want him crashing. But if the night gets so bad that i start swearing, that is when he wakes up. or last night where i just wanted some sleep so i left dd in our room in the cradle and went to the lounge only to have to go back up there because she was screeming like a banshee and he couldn't settle her.

now she is older she sits in a highchair to watch me making tea, i will just lie her on the floor where she can see me having a shower.

I don't mind the occasional bath or shower with my bubbas, and it's relaxing for them too. hard to wash your hair, but is a small pick me up and then you can wash your hair when dh gets home.

I guess if I were going to suggest anything i would look into hiring a cradle or something, you can get some really cool ones that attach to the bed so there is one side down and you can reach bub (try aba), plus she can be on your side and your dh won't hear her, men don't hear newborn noises.

We have a hug a bub, but i find this very restrictive when tring to do things because I can't reach the bench, it's like being 9 months pregnant again.

have you tried not giving the formula? if she's chucking it she might not need it, and it may feel weird to you but at 6 weeks it's not unusual for a baby to want to feed heaps, and it's important to build your supply too.

if you can don't do any house work, your dh can cook or buy bbq chooks, but try spending a few days just feed her when she wants, sleep when she sleeps, have a shower with her, and just don't care about anything.

[kungfubecca]

thanks ladies, it makes me feel better that im not alone. what type of baby slings would you recommend?? i've tried to put her in the bubba moe sling a few times she seems to hate not being able to see out, its good if i want to carry her around but not if she wants to go to sleep! i think i'll have quite a few questions for you ladies ...i guess i've got to keep persisting to get her to sleep at least even in the bouncer?

we have a hug a bub, skip pea pod position because the next one puts their head right on your chest and they can hear your heart beat, rock from side to side and she will be asleep in no time