First cycle IVF/ICSI, and I'm feeling really scared

[Elzi]

He there lovely ladies,

DH and i have finally taken the plunge after my big denial phase - which included trying everything under the sun that WASN'T assisted reproduction.

I started the synarel yesterday and am terrified of the Gonal F injections due to start next thursday. Not just of the needle itself (PHOBIAAA), but scared that it isn't the right dose for me and i end up having to cancel the cycle.

I'm also worried because the clinic i am at intend to do embrio transfer rather than blastocyst (unless there are too many good embies to choose from by day 3). My mind is circling around the possibility of choosing a bad embie that seemed good, which would have been apparent if blastocyst was done.

See, my worries.. and i'm sure they are unfounded and just based on paranoia, but i just can't help it.

I have, however, already started off with acupuncture - so i hope that will help, even if it is just my head space that it helps.

I feel so lost because i don't have anybody around me that understands or can even show any real kind of support, not even DH. So i guess i just needed to spill some of my many thoughts out to you guys...

TIA for any words of advice that you can give me X X X X X X.

[glenny_c]

Elzi- It's such a scary thing to do- admitting that you need it and then taking the step to actually start IVF. Good luck!!!

As for the injections, I'm sure they will be monitoring you to make sure you are on the right dose, it's unlikely you will have to cancel the cycle. I found the needles were fine too, they are so thin you can't even feel them!!

Don't worry about the embryo vs blasocyst either. I had a 3 day embryo transferred and it is now kicking the hell out of my bladder!!

Acupuncture is brilliant!! I still go monthly and I went from about 3 months prior to our first cycle. I love it just for the relaxation and "me" time

I wish you the best luck and will be looking out for your pregnancy announcement!!

[nicoleh]

Hi Elzi
We started ivf/icsi in June (we actually started in March but I fainted, broke my ankle and had to have the cycle cancelled!!)
I thought getting PG would be easy and never thought I would be doing all this. I was scared about the injections too and I found the best way for me to cope was to get DH to administer (which he does not mind doing and does really well!) they do not hurt. As for the dose it is a little hit & miss, my first cycle when I went for my first scan nothing was happening so FS upped the does and I ended up being overstimulated and got too many eggs. 2nd cycle I was on a lower dose but still got overstimulated. Both times after egg pick up I was told it was cancelled and would be freeze all BUT each time I saw the FS and she checked me out and was happy that I had recovered and was able to do transfer. This cycle we are doing an antagonist cycle. My FS only tranfers 5 day blasts so I do not know about the day 3 issue.
Its not scary once you get started, for me the worst thing is the ups & downs (being told its a freeze all and being let down, then transfer going ahead etc...) other than that the tww is the worst part I find and of course coping with the let down when you are not pg.
Good luck with everything

[sunshine 11]

Hi Elzi,
Please know that the chances of your cycle being cancelled are pretty small, I know it can all seem very daunting, but if you feel comfortable with your FS, he/she will be monitoring you to make sure the cycle is successful - remember that they want it to succeed too!
The needles are soooo much easier than I thought they would be. I did them myself and just put them in slowly which hardly hurt at all.
My 1st cycle we froze at 3 days because I got 4 embryos (one of them is my DD), my second cycle I got 9 on day 3 so we went to blast, and one of them is going to make my DD a big sister in Feb. Remember again, your FS will be trying to maximise your chance of success.
I found BB was an immense support as like you, I didn't know anyone else going through IVF. Make sure your FS knows your concerns too so they can be aware too.
Wishing you all the luck on your journey!

[andi81]

Hi Elzi,

Your story sounds so familiar to me. I was also in denial and put off seeing an FS for 2 years - worst thing is now I wish I hadn't as I didn't realise how long the IVF journey would take.

I just had my first failed IVF cycle and I had 3 day embryo transfer too. I'm new to this site and I've noticed everyone talking about blastocyst and I'm unsure of what it means. FS told me that we'd leave it a little longer before triggering next time but there's never been any discussion about the 3/5 days...I forgot to bring this up at my appt yesterday!

So now that I've seen your thread saying you are concerned about it...it's got me wondering...?

In regards to the needles etc everything was fairly easy and pain free. The worst thing was miss dumb ass - I was so forgetful! (it's good to have something to blame it on!)

I hope everything goes well for you...sometimes it's the unknown that is the hardest part. BB is great for finding people that understand, it's great know that you're not alone

[nicoleh]

Hi Elzi,

Your story sounds so familiar to me. I was also in denial and put off seeing an FS for 2 years - worst thing is now I wish I hadn't as I didn't realise how long the IVF journey would take.

I just had my first failed IVF cycle and I had 3 day embryo transfer too. I'm new to this site and I've noticed everyone talking about blastocyst and I'm unsure of what it means. FS told me that we'd leave it a little longer before triggering next time but there's never been any discussion about the 3/5 days...I forgot to bring this up at my appt yesterday!

With them transferring a 5 day blastocyst I was told your chances are better - my FS does not do any transfer but blastocyst
I looked up the meaning for you so hope this helps!

A blastocyst is an embryo which has developed to the point of having 2 different cell components and a fluid cavity. Human embryos, in culture in an IVF lab, or developing naturally in the female body, usually reach the blastocyst stage by day 5 after fertilization. Blastocyst transfer with IVF can give high pregnancy success rates.

So now that I've seen your thread saying you are concerned about it...it's got me wondering...?

In regards to the needles etc everything was fairly easy and pain free. The worst thing was miss dumb ass - I was so forgetful! (it's good to have something to blame it on!)

I hope everything goes well for you...sometimes it's the unknown that is the hardest part. BB is great for finding people that understand, it's great know that you're not alone

With them transferring a 5 day blastocyst I was told your chances are better - my FS does not do any transfer but blastocyst
I looked up the meaning for you so hope this helps!

A blastocyst is an embryo which has developed to the point of having 2 different cell components and a fluid cavity. Human embryos, in culture in an IVF lab, or developing naturally in the female body, usually reach the blastocyst stage by day 5 after fertilization. Blastocyst transfer with IVF can give high pregnancy success rates.

[kristine08]

I am also just about to start my first IVF/ICSI cycle, so I understand where you are coming from.
In regard to 3 days vs. 5 days transfer my understanding is that apparently with 5 day transfers there is a higher success rate, as the embryo is more developed and therefore it is easier to estimate how good the embryo is. BUT there are A LOT OF success stories with 3 day embryos. I think there was a thread on here a little while back about 5 days vs. 3 days and a lot of people seemed to have success with 3 days. If it wasn't successful IVF clinics wouldn't do it. I have heard that sometimes a 3day embryo doesn't develop into a blastocyst, but still could have led to a pregnancy if it had been put back at 3 days. I think it is better to have a 3 day transfer than none at all. So if you have a low number of embryos then it might be better to put one back at 3 days then risk waiting and maybe being left with none.
If you feel comfortable with you FS then I would trust him in what he recommends.

[Janie71]

Good luck with your first cycle. I have a beautiful 17 month old daughter who was the result of a HRT FET. She had originally been frozen at 2 days and when she was at 4 cells. She was transferred when she was 6 cells and at 3 days. So you can definitely get pregnant from a 3 day embie! I had only one other cycle which was my stim cycle. That was a bfn, but we got lots to freeze (including the embie that became my daughter).

My clinic only do blast cycles if you are over a certain age or have had a number of failed cycles. Trust your fs, that is why we pay them the big bucks!

Hope everything goes well and I think you will be pleasantly surprised at how much the needles DON'T hurt. If you are worried put some ice on the area before hand.

Janie xxx

[Elzi]

Thanks EVERYONE for sharing your words of wisdom with me.

i guess it's just stressful when you feel like you're not in control of the factors that could make or break success.

Also, does anybody know much about whether the pill and synarel gets rid of the immature follicles caused by PCOS? I'm scared of Hyperstim if the follicles are still there - is that even a risk?

Honestly once again i really thank you all for your help... it can get pretty lonely out there as i'm sure you all know.

[JBM]

it's normal to feel like this, i felt the same time the first time around.i was scared that nothing was happening as i didn't feel any different. except the bloating.
good luck to you.
it's not as scary as it seems at first.

[Janie71]

Elzi - I have PCOS and I did a Down Regulation Cycle (which is what it sounds like you are doing) with the pill and Syneral. I did not overstimulate, but my FS took it slowly with the dosage of the medication. On my last scan I think I had around 20 follicles showing. They collected 12 mature eggs from that and from those 12 eggs 8 fertilised.

I too know that lonely feeling and I found BB when I first started doing OI (before I "Graduated" to IVF). It truly was my life line. I know that feeling of wondering if you will ever be pregnant/can you ever get pregnant. It is a lonely, scary place to be. You will find lots of support here and lots of inspirational stories. I am happy to chat anytime and to try and answer your questions as best I can.

Keep faith that this will work - you will get your longed for baby. IVF is a numbers game and I really believe that your time will come.

Janie xxx

[Elzi]

Thanks Janie71,
i think i needed someone to share a very similar circumstance to my one. xx

meanwhile, i have taken my synarel nasal spray 40 minutes late because i forgot to take it out with me and i am really stressing...

[Janie71]

Elzi I don't think that taking it late by 40 mins will be a problem, but it is always a good idea to check with your nurses. Remember you are paying these people a lot of money for a service (I know that makes it sound impersonal, but it is true). So call them if you are ever worried. I spent so much time talking to the nurses when I was going through my cycles.

Someone else may know about the timing thing a bit better than me, it has been a little while since I was taking the syneral so I am a bit dusty on how long you were able to be out by.

Janie xxx

[glenny_c]

Elzi- Don't worry about the Synerel, I had a couple of times when I missed the right time. My nurse told me that as long as it's within 2 hours of when you're due to take it, you're good.

[MandyT]

Hi Elzi

Im also starting my first ICSI/ivf cycle. I just started with the Synarel yesterday and hating the awful taste! My husband has a normal sperm count but very low motility and we have never gotten pregnant in 4 years of trying so at last we have decided to bite the bullet and throw ourselves head on into IVF! Heres hoping this is the first and last time we will have to do it..im just trying to be positive. I already have an 8 year old daughter from a previous marriage and desperate to give her a sibling and my husband his first child. im crossing my fingers we all have a succesful ivf this cycle

[onthefly]

Hi ladies
For general cycle-related chatter, please join our existing chatter threads:
LT TTC & AC
LT TTC Two Week Wait

Good luck & thanks,

[Elzi]

Thanks glenny c. You really helped reassure me all the best to you too mandyT. Hopefully we both get the first time right!
All the best to everyone and take care.

Ps. Starting injections tomorrow... MEGA scared... come-on elzi, be strong! Hehe

[justjuice]

Hi Elzi. Good luck with your first cycle. I agree with nicoleh that getting your DH to administer the injection may help, although it does pay for you to learn as well, just in case DH is away on business etc. Although the needle in the Gonal F is very small, if it makes you feel better you can pick up some emla cream or similar (local anaesthetic cream that you can get from the Pharmacy without a prescription) that you apply about an hour before the injection and this will help to reduce any pain.