I am not enough for my 7 week old baby

[ohnoauntflo]

Hi. Just need some advice or hear a similiar experience quick before I start pulling my hair out.

DH and I somewhat practice Gentle Parenting/Attachment Parenting as we don't let our 7 week old baby CIO, I wear her a lot, I BF, we co sleep etc.

But she doesn't seem happy with all we are doing. Most of the time she seems content when I am bouncing on that big yoga/excercise ball with her in my arms/sling. The minute i get off it (if she's still awake/drowsy) she starts screaming and both her feet start kicking as if to say "BOUNCE MORE!!!!" I have tried walking (while bouncing up and down) while singing and patting/stroking her back and that rarely ever works unless she is already half asleep to begin with. So we go back on the ball and bounce away

My issue is... i feel like i am not enough for her. it's as if this ball is her mother (well u know what i mean). I thought babies were happy with just their parents at this age but my 7 weeker seems like she can't do without the ball. I know it's my fault for starting it on her (it seemed to soothe her cries when she was a newborn and still does!) but I don't know what to do now. I get nervous every time we take her out bacsue I jolly well can't take that ball with us and start bouncing in public.

My questions are :
1) has anyone had this issue with their baby before? If yes... tell me your story (how it happened.. how did you deal wit it and how/when did it stop?)
2) Should I give in every time she cries (as I do now) or should I wean her off it?
3) Baby wearing should be the answer to a content baby who will let mama get some things done. unfortunately i can't cook while bouncing. ANY ADVICE?!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH IN ADVANCE. i really appreciate your time and effort to solve my bouncy problem. Heh.

[onthefly]

My son loved the ball too.
She's so very very young (still a newborn), she's still adjusting to the outside world. It's ok to use your breasts, or the fitball, slings or whatever helps her. Why make life harder for yourself? She will change, and very quickly at this age, just try to ride it out.
I also found just jiggling/bobbing around with DS in a wrap also helped a lot - so you can kind of bounce without the ball.

You're not 'giving in' to her when she cries, you're meeting her needs. She obviously finds bouncing very soothing! And you didn't create a problem here, you very cleverly figured out something that works very well for her.

[Jennifer13]

This too shall past. You'll probably find the ball mimics more closely the movement/jiggling she was used to in utero. It will take her some time to adjust to not being in utero. Really, she's gone from being constantly jiggled for nine months to only being jiggled occasionally (if you look at it that way). Wearing her will work as she adjusts, but she obviously prefers the more vigorous action.

I watched a DVD when DD was a baby called Happiest Baby on the Block by a Dr Karp. I don't agree with all of it, but there was some advice that worked like a charm with DD. He showed how to gently jiggle your baby in a way that moves her head (from side to side) in your arms and may calm them. It was unbelievable, how quickly it worked with DD. If you can get a copy and watch it, maybe that will give you an alternative to bouncing? A rocker swing that operates on batteries was also a movement that DD particularly liked. It was very helpful when I needed to go to the toilet or have a shower!

[sloane]

You're not 'giving in' to her when she cries, you're meeting her needs. She obviously finds bouncing very soothing! And you didn't create a problem here, you very cleverly figured out something that works very well for her.

:yeahthat:

i think it's great that at just 7 weeks you've already worked out something that soothes your baby

i also think it's natural to question whether you're enough for your baby - for me it seemed that everyone else seemed to be able to soothe my DS better than i could. i stressed about it for ages but it really does pass & what soothes them does change as they grow.

i also felt that so much of the early weeks of BFing was taken up with my DS establishing supply & becoming an efficient feeder that it took a while before he settled into using the breast as a comfort, but once he did...he was set!

[ohnoauntflo]

thank you so much for your positive feedback. It made me feel good tht im doing something right.
But now she is 12 weeks old. And for some weird reason she cries on the gym ball too? she never used to. she use to just fall straight to sleep.
now she fussess and fusses and makes me cry too

[Kmn]

12 week-ish babies can be notoriously hard to settle - they are becoming much more aware of what is going on around them and also growing rapidly. It's very very normal!

Things to try that may help:
1) Less caffeine for you if you are breastfeeding - caffeine "wears" off for an adult in a few hours, but takes a couple of days for a baby to process.
1a) If you are breastfeeding then make sure you offer both breasts now - she's growing and may be hungrier than she used to be. It's also OK to feed her more frequently, and doing so will help your body make more milk for her.
2) Take her for a walk outside - the different noises seem to be calming for lots of babies
3) Give her a bath - it is OK to bath a baby at 4 in the morning if it helps them sleep!
4) If she seems to have a bit of a sore tummy then rub her tummy or lie her on her tummy on your tummy to help her burp and let off and feel better
5) Put on your favorite music while she's grumpy - it may make you feel a bit better and that's got to help

Babies change all the time - and what works now probably won't work in a few months. That's part of the fun!

hugs
Kate

[ohnoauntflo]

Thanks Kate. I think I need to be re-assured that it is indeed normal. Last nigth i spent a total of 1.5 hours to put her to sleep.
The whole week last week she would just take the boob and fall asleep. all i had to do was transfer her into the bassinet (although during the day it is only ball bouncing and nothing else to sleep) but the last few nigths it has just been difficult.
My problem is ... by the time it gets to that hour... I have run out of steam and patience.... and all i want to do is get some shut eye. sometimes i lose it and cry and cry. then i feel bad for being frustrated because other people have more kids... and some have a harder time putting their babies to sleep than I do.

Then come some people who indirectly say it's my fault she is like that because i "give in" to her every time she cries. I pick her up too much and it's my fault i got her used to being bounced on the gym ball to sleep. and its my fault she is frantic when we are out because i dont get her used to different environments and its my fault that she always cries when being put down because i always carry her in my sling.

then it comes to a point when i feel like maybe i did it wrong. maybe i shouldnt have done this and that differently and she would not be so sad and crying all the time.

and worse of all... i am made to feel that because of all the parenting decisions i have made .... she has stranger (people,place & environment) anxiety.... they compare her to other babies her age and none of them cry like her or are clingy like her. they swaddle their babies... put them in the bassinet/cot and they fall right asleep or they stay quiet until they are ready to sleep then fall asleep. not a beep. and mine lets the whole neighbourhood know she isnt happy. I feel like a wreck sometimes. Like it's my fault she isn't as jolly as the other babies

my problem is i need to be re-assured that im doing the right thing, its nromal and that this will all pass . thank God for this forum.

sorry. whingy.

[Barb Glare]

You know what? For as much as we like to believe we are *in control* we are not. We all respond to our baby's need. Mothers with a high needs baby have the hardest workload - and do so well just to keep themselves and their baby together. Yes they are criticised and encouraged to *switch off* from their baby. It just goes against the mothering grain. Some babies hve easier temperaments and are reasonably undemanding - a fluke of nature. But their parents are congratulated on *what a good baby8 they have. Newsflash - it's just luck - not anything you are doing in either situation.
What you have is a well adapted human baby. They are designed to be with a parent. 3 mnth old babies are clingy. they are babies. Sadly, so many experts teach us to ignore our children's needs to the extent we can't even see their needs let alone meet them - you are doing a great job

[Snacks]

Aw, y'know I am getting a little teary at your last post because I can SO relate!
My first, Natalie, was a baby who cried a lot. It feels just dreadful when you don't know why your baby is crying - it feels like a personal attack!
My only advice is to ignore people who are telling you you're doing it wrong. IGNORE! And also books - there are loads of books out there that people might recommend, but if they tell you their way is the only way then IGNORE! The key is confidence.
And those babies that are swaddled and put in bed without a peep... Have you seen this with your own eyes?!? I would reckon these are exceptional babies, not the norm.

How often does your baby feed out of interest? I was told that feeding my baby more often than 2.5 hourly would make her feel full and sick and was not a good idea. I am now pretty convinced (although of course I will never know for sure) that Natalie was just hungry. I rarely gave her top-up feeds because I was worried that it didn't fit in with the 'routine'. Once she was 6mo I was feeding her VERY frequently overnight because that's what we did when she woke to get her back to sleep - she wasn't a co-sleeper (and neither was I TBH). She was a much happier baby at this point! It could be that at 6 months she turned a developmental corner and expressed herself in ways other than crying, but for me it was an indication that it's ok to feed your baby outside of what others deem to be appropriate, KWIM?

But feeding aside, I really think there are babies who need to cry more than others. You are doing a fabulous job.

[onthefly]

Read Barb's post. Then read it again.
Then click on the link in my signature - You're doing it RIGHT.

[Melbournemumma]

Hi.

I feel for you. I used to find that when I was completely exhausted I would lay down and feed my ds. Then we could both sleep.

[Peta]

You are doing a great job. Being a mummy is hardwork (harder than my dayjob I find!) Just keep doing whatever works for your family. Take on board advice & hints, but at the end of the day if you believe in your heart something you are doing is working best, then keep at it. Something else I found really useful was a book called The Wonder Weeks. It explains all the "milestones" in a babies development and I have found it to be very accurate in timing to when my DD has a "fussy" period. Just know that you are always doing the very best for your daughter & in her eyes you are her favourite mummy in the whole world.

[ohnoauntflo]

thank you all. all comments have helpes me be more patient and look at things in a positive view. Really ... it's great you guys respond out of good will. I feel like it's all genuine advice and i really really do appreciate them. Thank you very very much.

I am going to start a new thread/question about gym ball weaning. Hope anyone with ideas can help me out. I'm willing to give it a go. I haven't yet posted the question but will get to it soon if I have time god willing.

Thanks again

[bec293]

I only just found this thread, and I'm wondering how the gym ball weaning is going? My baby is the same, he's almost 5 months old now and the best thing to get him to sleep since he was a newborn is bouncing on the fit ball. I still do it, but I recently got a bouncing hammock as a day sleeping bed for him. It has a similar bouncing motion to a fitball. It hangs in the lounge room just near the kitchen so I can be doing anything while he is asleep, as soon as I see it moving I just bounce it again and resettle him. I also wear him a lot and co-sleep too so I don't think he's going to have a problem adjusting to a bed later (apparently he can use the hammock until he's about 3 years old).

[trishalishous]

it sounds like youre doing great!
DD was the same, we just go with the flow.

[ohnoauntflo]

Hi all. It's been awhile since I've been on. My daughter turned 4 months yesterday and this is our update with regards to the gym ball weaning.

1)WHen did we wean? i weaned us both off the ball about 1 month ago. I now bounce on the matress. the difference? well if i were to go to someones house... a matress is more likely available. Most houses have rooms and most rooms have matresses

2) how did we wean? it took us a good week or so before she 'forgot' about the ball and got used to a gentler bounce from the matress. i just stopped cold turkey. She wasn't very happy about it in the beginning and neither was I. I think I was the bigger baby because there were one or 2 occasions when i just wanted to go back to the gym ball because it was convenient for me. But i stuck to it and now we lightly bounce on the matress of our bed and i hold her in my arms till she falls asleep. most days it takes 10minutes. occasionally... 20 minutes. on very rare occasions... 30-45 minutes. but it doesnt matter.

3) WHy did we wean? I coulnd't put her to sleep if we were not at home. she just wanted to be bounced on the gym ball all the time and that would be impossible if we were out. That is the only way she knew how to sleep and she would get soooo upset and cranky if we tried any other way. I would get huffy and puffy and stressed out because i knew she was tired but I .. the mother of this screaming baby could not put her own daughter to sleep. sometimes we both end up in tears. She hated the carseat and the pram and eventhough i wear her alot... she use to still be unhappy because none of the above bounces the same as the gym ball.

4) now? she is better in her carseat... and when i wear her she is happier, she only expects to be bounced when she wants to sleep (before.... it was every waking second... it came to a point where i even had to breastfeed while bouncing on the ball otherwise she would cry)

i waited till she was over 3 months and i waited till i was sure she had got over her "colic" days ( if there is such a thing). We still have rough nights and we both end up crying (she-overtired me-frustrated) BUT......... THAT MASSIVE PINK ROUND THING NO LONGER RULE OUR LIVES.

yours truly,
gym balless

[*Danni*]

Hey all

My little boy sounds JUST like what some of you describe!!! He only goes to sleep by being bounced in his hammock, he likes the motion of being carried around all the time, won't sit still for longer than 5 minutes at a time... and now he has decided he only wants to feed when I'm walking around!!! It drives me crazy!!!!! But I must say the non stop crying days slowed down after 3 months old (he is almost 4 months) thankfully. Good on you "ohnoauntflo" for weaning your little one off the gym ball! I am so scared for the day my baby grows out of the hammock, and I totally understand how you felt with not being able to put them to sleep any other way anywhere else besides home (I'm still going through that now). It's also the feeding walking around only that is killing me! Any advice would be great from anyone... but I just want to say congratz for working your issues out!


And it's really comforting knowing that there's other Mummies out there going through what I am going through, that I am not alone with a baby that has such high needs and demands so much attention. I too do the best I can and I am always responding to his needs straight away. My baby still feeds every 1.5 - 2 hours - yes a very hungry healthy boy, and as demanding as that is (fully breastfeeding) I wouldn't question feeding him on demand and do it for him. They say breastfed babies only have what they need, that they can't overfeed. Besides his high needs, my boy is very very happy, healthy and thriving, thank god