What do you think?

[aussienic]

A friend posted a link to a blog on Fb today asking thoughts on this

Basically this woman has 6 children (very cute ones too) 1 is adopted.

She has a sit time thing. She trains her children to sit still for certain periods of time. She has a timer and starts with 10-15 mins and if they move ect she uses a "tool of correction" on them.

She claims she has them "trained" to sit still for an hour or more at church and other functions. they are allowed to have books (bible study books) and blankies ect but they are not allowed to move.

When going out for the first time after a training session she has the timer and the "tool of correction" clearly visible so the children know what is expected of them

now i have nothing wrong with the "training" side of things. I would use a different technique. I personally think explaining to children what you would like them to do and maybe practicing at home is fine but I don't agree with the tool of correction.

That is what she calls it so I don't know what it is exactly but it is used for smacking if they don't sit still for the required amount of time

What do you think? agree or disagree? would you consider this a form of child abuse or just discipline that is a little over the top?

[Catastrophic]

Disagree...
Thats just so bizarre. I can't get my head wrapped around it enought to give you a proper reply.

[megs]

Disagree.....

I too can't quite get my head around it. Whilst I'm all for children learning that when they are in certain places, e.g church, restaurants etc their is a type of behaviour expected from them I would never dream of making them practice it at home under the fear of a "tool of correction"

Bizarre alright

[aussienic]

I don't neccessarily (sp) disagree with the practice at home. Like if I was going to a formal wedding for example and the kids were invited I would sit them down at home and explain what i wanted them to do and what the bride and groom expected of their guests and maybe even say lets sit down for a few minutes and pretend we are at the wedding but I would never smack them if they didn't get it right. If they played up I would take them outside. and besides that I have taken my children to events like that and out to dinner and they sit perfectly without even "practicing" at home.

It really is the most bizarre thing and I don't think they are trained I personally think they are scared

[Catastrophic]

I'm all for telling kids how to behave and what is expected.

But I would never make them practice for up to an HOUR, and then if they don't get it right, belt them one, thats just using fear and power, which i don't think parenting is.

[Cherished]

It really is the most bizarre thing and I don't think they are trained I personally think they are scared

yep. I doubt the kids will see it as "tool of correction" when they are older but will see it for what it is, something that they get hit with if they don't sit still. Besides children don't sit still and they find it hard to be quiet, I don't think there's any need to go that far even if they are somewhere that requires them to be on their best behaviour. If adults want kids at a wedding or church or anywhere else then they should expect wriggling and noise and possibly even disruption. What kind of power tripping parent makes their kids practice for up to an hour?

[MummaBee]

Im sick of people judging other peoples parenting yes it sounds harsh but it sounds a bit over the top and like we dont know all the facts too. With my first kid all i continually worried about is what people thought of me as a mother and its because everyones continually judging people. If you havnt seen her hitting them than i think its silly to jump to conclusions. Caught me at a bad moment lol

[aussienic]

If you could see the blog.. she had pictures of her 18 month old and 3 of her other children in chairs.. She then took a photo of when she had used the tool of correction and then the photo of the 18 month old really crying (well screaming as 18 month olds do) then made the comment on how she was screaming but was going to ignore it for the time being as it was her first training session.. so yes I think if you are going to post things like that then prepare to be judged..

[MummaBee]

oh maybe she was asking for it????

[Boo Boo]

omg that is weird....yes I am judging her parenting....but to me it sounds weird and taking photos of your kids distressed after you have given them some form of punishment....imo children dont have the mental capacity to sit still for long periods of time - especially an 18 month year old....very bizarre...i could say alot more but I wont....just have to add sounds like somethig out of the dark ages like when my dad used to get rapped over the knuckles when he was a boy learning the piano and got the notes wrong...but I digress...

[HotI]

sounds like a power tripper

[~Kaz~]

Nic I have been thinking about your post all evening and I honestly can't decide what to think. I haven't seen the blog but I kind of want to know more. More about that family. Where they live, how they spend their days, what the temperaments of the children are like, what is she like? I wonder if she was raised with similar methods? If she has made a truly informed choice to parent this way or if she is (as so many of us do unconsciously) repeating what she experienced as a child? Is she in an abusive relationship where she is punished and held accountable for the misbehaviour of her children? Does she have particular personality traits that predispose her to getting pleasure from controlling others or inflicting pain? How do her children interpret/respond to her behaviour? Is there more "clear cut" abuse going on at other times or is this the only situation that borders on abusive or taking punishment too far?

I am reluctant to judge her without much more information. I am curious to know more. I wonder how she views her children and what her philosophy of childhood is.

[StrawberryMumma]

Sounds a bit intense for me...I'd much rather spend time sitting down with my kids, chatting, reading to them, snuggling and hearing their little giggles....Much better use of time imo.

[aussienic]

Nic I have been thinking about your post all evening and I honestly can't decide what to think. I haven't seen the blog but I kind of want to know more. More about that family. Where they live, how they spend their days, what the temperaments of the children are like, what is she like? I wonder if she was raised with similar methods? If she has made a truly informed choice to parent this way or if she is (as so many of us do unconsciously) repeating what she experienced as a child? Is she in an abusive relationship where she is punished and held accountable for the misbehaviour of her children? Does she have particular personality traits that predispose her to getting pleasure from controlling others or inflicting pain? How do her children interpret/respond to her behaviour? Is there more "clear cut" abuse going on at other times or is this the only situation that borders on abusive or taking punishment too far?

I am reluctant to judge her without much more information. I am curious to know more. I wonder how she views her children and what her philosophy of childhood is.

I am reading more of her blog and wow. its a strange read. I am finding her a little out there. will keep reading though.

[Cherished]

Im sick of people judging other peoples parenting yes it sounds harsh but it sounds a bit over the top and like we dont know all the facts too. With my first kid all i continually worried about is what people thought of me as a mother and its because everyones continually judging people. If you havnt seen her hitting them than i think its silly to jump to conclusions. Caught me at a bad moment lol

The title of this thread is what do you think? If you've got a problem with reading people opinions than don't read the thread. When someone is asked what do you think than whatever the responses are are going to be a judgement. Some may judge that this situation is OK and others may say it's not. Based on the information in the OP many posters are judging this womans behaviour in a negative light.

If you could see the blog.. she had pictures of her 18 month old and 3 of her other children in chairs.. She then took a photo of when she had used the tool of correction and then the photo of the 18 month old really crying (well screaming as 18 month olds do) then made the comment on how she was screaming but was going to ignore it for the time being as it was her first training session.. so yes I think if you are going to post things like that then prepare to be judged..

I feel physically sick reading this

Kaz, valid points hon and a nice reminder that we can hold back our judgements until we know all the facts I had thought of all this before I posted but at the end of it all I still feel sick reading the information presented by the OP

[Pandora]

Maybe who was asking for it? I hope you don't mean the 18month old??

I agree with Cherished1 when someone posts a thread asking opinion, then as a reader you should expect to read an opinion.

Why not post yours rather than being upset by other peoples'?

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Sitting still for up to an hour without whinging at me... I can see the benefits to this.

However, I also bought Liebling some games for my DS so I get some quiet time (for working or when he has to be still/quiet). As an adult, sitting still for an hour with nothing to do is very difficult - heck, I invigilated a half-hour test today and was bored out my brain! By all means teach children appropriate behaviour, but IMO provide some stimulation for them while they're sitting still: a book, video, computer game, drawing/writing material... children can sit fairly still and fairly quietly without having to learn how to switch off from life. And without pain too.

[AndiE]

Certainly not something I'd do. My kids are generally well behaved in public and provided I have a couple of toys and/or books, they can sit reasonably quietly, but personally I wouldn't have that expectation that they would sit still for one hour at a young age. To me it would be entirely age appropriate that they would want to move. Don't they all have ants in their pants when they're toddlers?
This is a hard call, I'm all for people having the right to parent as they choose providing it doesn't jeopardise the physical or mental health and safety of their children so technically my response should be "it's up to her". But I find her technique hard to swallow.