What is the period of grace for getting stuff done post baby?

[Epacris]

OK so DS is 5 weeks old and I’m thinking my period of grace is about to run out.... at 6 weeks.

I need to:
- Write thank you cards.
- Thank my midwife properly (with a gift, card and letter).
- Write a letter to the hospital, my GP and various politicians praising the group midwifery/ birth centre model of care.
- Reply to various emails and messages from people wanting to come over and see us or invite us over to see them.

Although DS2’s birth was awesome and I have recovered brilliantly, he is a very cranky, unsettled baby and I’m finding I just can’t get stuff done (feeding/rocking him always comes first, washing second). We can get out and about absolutely no problem (he is much more settled when he’s in and out of the car, in and out of the pram, in and out of the carrier, lots of noise and movement) but if I need to be at home, doing something sedentary, he whinges then screams. If by chance he is sleeping, I find I can’t concentrate on anything for more than 20 minutes, my attention span is wrecked.

Gah.... If people really wanted to see us they’d just ring wouldn’t they?

Can I squeeze out another couple of weeks?

[Junglemum]

Hell yeah you can! Don't put pressure on yourself to meet others deadlines and expectations.
You're thinking about it which means you WILL get there, you just need a bit more time.
I think 3 months is still totally acceptable! So by my guidelines you've got ages.

[megs]

I'm with Junglemum, I think 3 months is more than acceptable for someone who has had a baby. I think everyone knows that you have been busy. Plus some people (like myself) can be a little bit late with the congratulations etc so it gives them more time.

[Epacris]

Three months! Great! (I'll relax now )

[feeb]

No rush dont put undue pressure on yourself!!!

DS1 was a cranky reflux baby needing to be held, my thank you cards didnt go out till 6 months (sent with chrissy cards to save stamps in end LOL)

I did OB and MW when i went to 6 week check.

[Gigi]

where did you get the Six Weeks is the Grace Period idea from?

i think it's individual.

Some women bounce back, a day after having a baby, everything heals, baby is cruisy.

Some women have a very difficult labour, have complications, long physical recovery time.

Some women have PND.

Some bubs are born premature and have to "catch up".

Some bubs are unsettled and as they can't talk, it takes a while to work out what is upsetting them.

Some families have different levels of physical support.

More than one of these things, can happen in the same family.

SO MANY VARIABLES.

I know people who say thank you cards are unnecessary, that's a personal choice, i like them too. I would put some thank you cards in your purse/nappy bag, along with some envelopes and stamps - so if you are out, and bubs gives you a window of opportunity (falls asleep, is being cuddled by someone else), you could always get ONE thank you card, done at a time - IF that would make you feel better. Just have your list with the cards, so you can cross off, the ones you have done so far.

I think people who care, will not be waiting with a stop watch for you to do whatever is on YOUR list.

SOmetimes, you buy a gift under pressure, and then find a better one when you are relaxed.

I think you need to take some pressure off yourself.

when a baby comes along, they take priority - do what you have to do to help your family get thru this time - EVERYTHING ELSE CAN AND WILL WAIT.

the pressure to do what everyone else is doing, is HUGE. I remember feeling like i had three heads, reading about other mums, having birthed the same time as me, who were back to their normal life, so fast - i felt like a total failure. Took me ages to work out, they had not been thru the same labour experience as me, so the old hairy chestnut of "every situation is unique" is actually very true. I couldn't even get behind the driver's wheel until six months, took my stomach so long to heal. I coudln't stand up without holding onto walls, for months. I coudln't bathe my own child for a year (lack of strength). Things OTHER mums were doing from week one. So i do sympathise. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. And at the time, i did get comments from other people, including other new mums, "why aren't you driving yet"?

i see the time post labour as survival time (possibly coloured by my own experience). i think caring for your family, keeping the essential housework things ticking over (washing, food, YOUR sleep) takes precedence over all those other things. Do them when your bub is more settled and you are rested well enough to be able to concentrate.

well meaning people say "let the housework go". I think that is BS. if everyone's clothes are dirty, there is no food in the fridge, every kitchen surface is full of dirty dishes - the family can't function.

anyone visiting you NOW, if they trot out the "if there's anything that you need", this is the time to speak up
As a matter of fact, we could really do with . . .
- homecooked freezable meals to heat up
- shopping trips like go and get your family a week's worth of fruit n veg
- ditto the supermarket
- walk the dog
- anything that is really getting you down, cos it's not done right now e.g mopping the wet areas

Write ONE invite, to ALL the people you want to come and visit, email that, or photocopy hard copies if you want to post them. The main thing is, they will all get your message.

if he is cranky/unsettled - guessing here -
- try a baby hammock?
- get him seen by a chiro who sees infants to rule that out
just ideas.

love from Gigi

[melbel]

ummmm....we finally sent out thank you cards out with our christmas cards.......he was 10months old......I feel very slack now!!!

[Gigi]

i personally think, if you manage to send thank you cards, that's a bonus.

before having a child, i would have thought "it is a MUST". after having a child (and complications), i now think of it as a FRILL.

Melbel, you did well, just to get them out.

[Marlene]

Grace is 8 weeks tomorrow and I haven't accomplished any of those thing yet!!! Tomorrow.....maybe........

[onthefly]

I did thank you cards at around 4 months.... and that was half the time it took with DS

[*Ash*]

I say - delegate! Can DH help out with the thank you cards? or gift buying for MW?
I agree with other comments- don't feel pressured about time frames.
The letters to GP, politicians, etc are not urgent - no rush needed there.
And don't feel bad about unanswered emails- people understand that you are busy with a newborn (and 2 other children).
This is such a precious time- try not to spend it worrying about what you SHOULD be doing (I know it is easier said than done).
xx

[*TripleJ*]

5 years

take as much time as u bloody want i say

[luna moth]

Who is most likely to ***** about how long you took to do it? I took this approach. In my case, it was SIL, who got thankyou cards out at about 10 weeks. So I figured I had at least that long, and then got mine done by 8 weeks, just to stick it up her.

Also, anyone who actually gives a toss doesn't bloody deserve one.

Could you do them at a cafe, so that little bro has heaps of noise and stuff to look at?

And yes, if people reeeeeally need to come and overstimulate (ohm whoops, I mean cuddle) him, they will ask. If you don't ask, you don't get. And you don't get the right to whinge about it.

[helle]

I need to:
- Write thank you cards.
- Thank my midwife properly (with a gift, card and letter).
- Write a letter to the hospital, my GP and various politicians praising the group midwifery/ birth centre model of care.
- Reply to various emails and messages from people wanting to come over and see us or invite us over to see them.

i think my brain just exploded. DS is 16 months old and I still couldn't be bothered doing any of that

i thanked people as they gave the gifts, paid/praised the midwife and the GP and my friends/family weren't patient enough to wait for permission to come see bubs ><;

[Epacris]

Thanks for all your replies, advice and suggestions ladies.

I feel a bit silly now for thinking I had to have it all done in 6 weeks. I have no idea where I got that from.

I have recovered from DS2s birth so well physically, but mentally, I feel like a complete scatterbrain, I just find it so hard to concentrate. I’m sure I wasn’t like this with the other two.

[Jennifer13]

Pfffft those who know and love you certainly don't expect thank you cards. And those who do expect them need to get a life and a clue!

I think I took along a photo of DD and a thank you card to my ob at the 6 wk check up. I didn't send any thank you cards and I didn't lose any friends! Frankly I don't remember ever receiving (or expecting) a thank you from anyone either.

Shorten your list.

PS I am assuming anyone who wants to see you also has your phone number too. Let them call, I leave email for work only.

[blue_hebe]

I thanked my midwife at around the 4 week mark with a card, photo of DS and some baking. As for the thank you cards - he's 3 months old and I'm only just posting them now.

In my opinion you have plenty more time and just do them when you can fit it in. It's nice to receive a thank you card, but I haven't worried when it takes a few months for them to turn up when I've given gifts.

[Gigi]

Rachel, each birth is unique, so i'm assuming each recovery from and adjustment to, birth is unique too.

You have never given birth and then been in charge of caring for two LO's and newborn simulataneously, (plus running the household) before. It is new.

Six weeks is very early, in a nb's life. that's still babymoon phase to me, getting to know your bub and in your case, getting to know your bub AND transition your other two, to bonding with your newbie.

give yourself time hon