So much parenting advice...

[blue_hebe]

Does anyone else sometimes feel that there is so much parenting advice out there that they wish they'd never read any of it and just gone about things in ignorant bliss??

This pondering has mainly come about due to my wonderful son who is not so good at sleeping at night (mostly 3-4 wake-ups a night once I'm in bed). He seems happy enough during the day so I'm not too worried, but I begin to wonder if I should be trying other techniques to get him to sleep for longer periods rather than waking every 2 hours.

I should really avoid reading sleep articles in parenting magazines. They seem to point out all the things I'm doing wrong (feeding to sleep etc). They have wonderful examples of how verbal reassurance worked for one family where "she cried for a hour the first night, 40 minutes the second night and then slept through." I'm left thinking "an hour of crying? I can't stand more than a couple of minutes before needing to do something".

Sigh. Guess I'm just feeling a bit down about the whole thing.

[Amaunet]

Best parent advice I ever got, "do what works for YOU, YOUR family and YOUR child and ignore everything else!

[Ginger]

hey blue hebe, i know you don't want any parenting advice (and this may actually be considered parenting advice) lol, but when i was feeling really down about these sorts of things (especially sleeping) i would pull out one of my pinky mackay books. i think they are great for reassurance and make you feel heaps better about the situation. also talking about it on bb helped me heaps too

[diannescruffy]

Amaunet has just given you the best parenting advice ever.

Regards,
Dianne

[blue_hebe]

Thanks guys. Sometimes it helps to just write out what I'm feeling...clears my head.

I know we're doing ok. I have a wonderful, happy wee boy. Most of the time I feel fine with our parenting decisions, but sometimes, at the 3am feed I wonder if I have it all wrong.

[Cranky Kitten]

3am is a dastardly time at the best of times hun

I think we all doubt ourselves sometimes, but as long as it's working for you and your family, that's all that matters. And if for some reason it's not working anymore, trust your instincts and move on to something that does work

[~Kim~]

chick. I question lots of things when I'm up for the 6th time at 3am. That comes from another mama of (chronic ugh) non-sleepers.

I also stopped buying those useless magazines a long while ago. Just made me feel useless half the time, and inadequate the rest.

You are doing OK, you're right, but sometimes doing OK needs an external boost of, 'no you're doing the right thing! I do it that way too '

[*Danni*]

Ah I feel you! I might make you feel better... My boy mostly still feeds every 1.5 - 2 hours around the clock! Haha can yours beat that ;-)

I just think that every baby is unique and the more responsive our parenting the better, as they are only going to be this needy for a little time in their lives.

I try not to compare with any others and just know I am doing the best I can for my child by putting HIS needs before MINE, which sounds just like what you're doing

And it always helps to remember - this too, shall pass!


Sent from my iPhone more than likely while I should be doing something else

[Fleur]

Best parent advice I ever got, "do what works for YOU, YOUR family and YOUR child and ignore everything else!

Very good advice

If you can, it doesn't hurt to listen to all the advice & then sift through it & pick out what works for you. But it can be a bit overwhelming when everyone wants to throw their 2c at you.

As for the wakups - if it helps any - my four kids have had every which way of sleeping techniques & methods, from controlled comforting to co-sleeping and they have all done exactly the same thing. I think for some kids - certainly all mine - it is just normal for them to be wakeful at night for the first couple of years. My only regret is not following my own feelings & intuition earlier.

And remember, this too shall pass

ETA - lol, snap Danni!

[Arcadia]

I have been there too, and I have to say I am enjoying it all so much better this time around because I know I am doing what works for me and my family.

Do what makes you feel happy today, because things change so quickly. At the moment my ds sleeps in my bed and has short naps in the pram...he feeds to sleep and likes to have my face next to his. He wakes several times before I go to bed and often feeds two hourly day and night. I feel great though because I know I am doing the best thing for him.

I suppose you need tobask yourself what it is you feel you are lacking? More sleep? Uninterrupted time? Time with your partner? These things can be addressed while still catering to your baby. I always sleep when I can (go to bed early and nap if my kids nap). I get my dh to take the kids if I need uninterrupted time, and I try and organize time with my partner when I have family in town.

Most of the parenting advice looks at ways to make a convenient child, and appeals to your longing t have a life like you used to have. Some people are 'lucky' that their baby seems to disrupt their lives less than others, but you know, in the end, the baby becomes a demanding child anyway and life really isn't the same, so I say surrender, surrender surrender and forge out a new life now, where you do the things you want to do, while still being the best parent you can be (whatever that means to you!).

[*Danni*]

I must say - arcadia just really hit the nail on the head! Thank you - I have also taken that advice to heart. What great insight.


Sent from my iPhone more than likely while I should be doing something else

[blue_hebe]

You all have such wonderful words to share.

Arcadia, you asked what I feel I'm lacking. When I think about it, I realise that although a full night sleep would be nice, I don't feel exhausted, so it's not sleep. I think I've just got sucked into the thinking that somehow I will ruin all hope of my son sleeping properly. It's always encouraging to hear how different everyone's children are as a reminder that the "typical" mentioned in books often just doesn't apply. I'm quite ok with the lack of routine and putting my son's needs first. We've waited a while for this child and I never thought my life would be the same once he was here But I get what you're saying.

Kim, I can promise you that I haven't been wasting my money on the magazines...our library stocks a wide variety of them and I might just have to be a bit more selective about the ones I take out. I do enjoy other articles in them.

Danni, I feel for you. I've had a few nights like that and am absolutely shattered in the morning! I take my hat off to you and your boundless energy to keep going!!

Fleur, yes, overwelmed is the feeling. I shall try to sift more fully

Cranky Kitten, yes, way too much time to think when awake half the night and by 3am the thoughts can wander off to dangerous places of self doubt...