No more babies! do you ever accept it?

[hj1981]

So DH is adamant that we are not having any more children! 2 is enough for us.

I think most of the time i am happy with that! for the following reasons
1. we have 2 beautiful health bubba girls
2. family things a 2 adults 2 children
3. i have 2 hands, one for each of my children to hold if we are out together, if we had a 3rd, one would miss out on holding my hand (silly i know)
4. the dynamics in our family are just perfect at the moment
5. i really not sure i want a boy now, and 3 girls is a bit scary
6. uni is almost finished and i want to start focousing on me and my career now

BUT

than i read other posts of people going in to be induced, i see pregnant women, i read birth stories, i do prac in the hospital i had both my girls, and every time i drive in i remember the car trip in when i was in labour, i look after women who are labouring in the same room as i gave birth in, the smell of the hospital brings back memories, and everytime i just ache inside!
i think part of it is just me wanting to be pregnant again and give birth again, i am so determined to get it right and do it righ. im not really sure its the fact that i want to have another baby again, but than i cuddle new borns and i get all clucky, just the smell of them melts my heart!

when will i ever stop feeling like this? do you ever stop feeling like this?

[Trillian]

You do stop feeling that way. I didn't think I ever would and I often said I wonder if there is a switch that just turns off inside you when you realise you're 'done' because I thought those feelings would never go away! But after the kids started getting older and moving out of the baby stage I realised I was feeling more and more like I was done and now I don't feel like that at all. Certainly there are times when I remember the way it was to be pg or give birth and even certain smells bring back memories, but now they aren't painful memories that make me jealous, just pleasant ones where I can think about how special it was and I'm happy with that.

[The[cookie]Doctor]

hj I totally understand how you feel!
We have decided we won't have another for at least 5, and probably closer to 8-10yrs until we both finish degrees etc.
But i am hyper aware that by that time my babies will be grown and i may not want any more!!
I don't know how I will get through my degree without wanting to cave and have another baby!
After just having had a birth i was not 'happy' with (after the idea of labour and birth being more exciting than the actual newborn ) I think part of my 'want', at this stage (and for me it's hyper-estrogen-early-days ) is that I will definitely want to birth again (and yet, not, at the same time!).

I think Trillian is super-right, the longer we waited to fall pregnant with DD, the more I didn't want another because DS was becoming grown up. Hopefully in 12 months time when you are nigh on graduating as your DD2 is a bit bigger you will start to feel that as well as she grows out of her real 'baby' stage.
Big though!

[Amity]

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[Purple Penguin]

I am staring down that barrell myself at the moment, we decided that we wouldn't have another baby until I finish uni and have worked for a couple of years to get my teaching experience up. So it will be another 4 years until we even discuss having another, IF we have another because by then my youngest will be starting school and honestly I don't know if I want to go through a third horrible pregnancy.

[Maruschke]

I already know I will be finished when (if?) we have another child. I don't know why, but I can't and won't and don't want to go through a third pregnancy / birth / newborn phase etc.

[willow5]

I'm struggling with this at the moment. I have 3 boys, 17yrs, 20yrs and 22 months. I thought I was done after my first 2 and never had an issue with it. Then change of circumstance new relationship and hello number3 We agreed on just one, and I suffered with HG and swore never again. But, I'm now wishing for just one more. Once more to be pregnant, once more to give birth, one more time to breast feed, one more baby. I'm really sad that there won't be any more. Realistically I'm no spring chicken and the thought of HG again terrifies me, but I can't help thinking just one more. So I really hope the others are right and it does stop and you accept it, and be at ease with it.

[hj1981]

Trillian - thank you - gives me some hope of feeling better about it all one day, but that day just seems so far away

Dragoncookie - definatly your choosen career is going to make it hard! it certainly isn't helping me! i understand completely about the not being "happy" with your birthing experience and that adding to the feeling! i think that is really my case the more i think about it! i feel i failed both times in my labour, and i so want to try one more time! i even asked DH if i could be a surrogate for someone i hope Trillian is right too, thank you

Divvy - sorry

Purple Penguin - sometimes uni and work sucks hey! sometimes i think it wouldnt be so bad having another one once the older 2 are in school and i have worked a bit, but than other days i think i can't wait to have some time with DH again, you know like back in the days before kids, and the older they get the more closer that day gets! i do kinda miss him iykwim, do you think that too?

Maruschke - you will have another bub glad though that you know and can accept the fact that you wont have anymore, can you pass that feeling on to me

Willow - i wish that day would come soon for both of us! can i ask how was it going through the baby stage all over again after having 2 older boys?

[widdly]

I have struggled with no more babies for years! However now that DS is at school and I know how expensive and time consuming he is I just remind myself that it would all be too hard having another bub in the future. I still have my times when I watch DS sleeping and remember how beautiful he was as a toddler and I just wish I could go back and relive those times, but I realise that I want to have DS as a baby and toddler all over again, not another baby.

Goodluck with your studies and career and I hope you start to feel at peace with no more babies very soon x

[Phteven]

I would be horrified if I got pregnant. I don't mind the odd baby cuddle but I'm very grateful that I can hand them back to their mothers.

[Ryatha]

Xh was adamant that he didn't want anymore but i was desperate for more. That and other things contributed to our break up. Now I have the little boy I always wanted on the way (don't get me wrong I adore my girls) and I don't have a partner being difficult about my pregnancy and labour.

You never know what is going to happen in the future.


Sent from my iPhone so short and sweet

[Astrid]

I would be horrified if I got pregnant. I don't mind the odd baby cuddle but I'm very grateful that I can hand them back to their mothers.

I am the same. I feel completely done. Have felt that way for 3 years now!

[RainbowBrite]

I have accepted I will not have any more babies, but I still feel that yearning for one more, crazy as it sounds I would have felt more content ending with eight...but I have seven very gorgeous children so I know how very lucky I am.
with my last four bubs getting earlier and earlier, the last one being born on the edge of viability I am not willing to take the risk with another little life....plu having the last three in two years put a bit of strain on me so it time to put my uterus into retirement
So I am slowly accepting it and as the little ones are growing up I am happy to be able to put all the baby stuff behind me

[Cherished]

Hey hj, I've typed out a similar thread but didn't post it, it was more along the lines of 'grieving for a baby you will never have'. I can't believe that there is a huge possibility ds will be an only child I'm not sure if I will ever be ok with it. I've told dh that the resentment is growing every day and I don't know how to stop it.