Appropriate gift?

[PumpkinZulu]

A friend of mine has just had her second baby. She's 38, and had another hard, traumatic birth, so I have been wary about being around her or 'in her face' too much (she knows I had a great birth, talked about it at length while she was pregnant), although she has expressed that she would like to see us a few times now. With her last child, she did Tizzy Hall, CIO etc, although from what she's said she is taking a gentler approach this time...bub in her room, no CIO. I was wanting to give her a little hamper of my favourite things - a bunch of moogoo products (she used J&J last time), a few Pinky books and our close carrier to lend (she borrowed a friends baby Bjorn last time). Do you think this would be seen as overbearing, or just a nice gesture? I'm certainly not trying to push my beliefs onto her, but I thought it might be a nice change from all the mainstream stuff people usually give. Could it be seen as overbearing, seeing as I know she used CIO etc last time? Or helpful? I wouldn't say anything about the stuff or what I think about it, just congrats, here's a hamper of stuff I found useful for DD. Thoughts?

[~TT40~]

sounds very thoughtful to me. has she expresessed an interest in other styles of parenting etc.. ?

[*LittleMissSummer*]

I think its a lovely gesture.

My baby shower gift from my SIL was a big ol' bag of things she couldn't live without when she had her girls and i used everything in it! I loved everything and it was all stuff i didn't know i would need but turned out i did!

If shes had a traumatic second birth experience i think something like your gift will take the hassel off having to think about things. Even if they are things she wouldn't go out herself and get atleast they are there to try and she may end up loving them.

[PumpkinZulu]

Yeah, when she was preg she was looking at wraps etc for bubs, and told me that she would have new bub in her room, instead if her last bub, who was downstairs and down the other end of the house. I dont think she ever got around to buying a wrap though.

[Lily Dust]

I agree, beautiful gift! As has been said she has expressed interest in changing her parenting style and you are just providing her with the best resources to do so. You are a lovely friend PZ

[sloane]

sounds like a lovely gift to me the other thing you could do is put in something just for her - if she had a tough birth she may need some extra tlc

[Cherished]

I think it's a lovely gift too, if were me I'd also throw in a really cute minky MCN

[Tegam]

Love the wrap idea and moogoo but I would NEVER give parenting books to people. Especially people that have done it very differently before hand.

This would just be protecting yourself and your friendship. If it doesn't work for her she will want someone to blame. It's the same as I have found with ABA memberships. If the person then FF They just can't get passed the fact that you were pro BF. it sucks but it's true.

We all know your hearts in the right place and if it comes up in conversation I would be quick to write down the book details

[NaeNae]

Yep i htink its a lovely gesture. I often give gifts to women I am close to full of products that I have loved for myself including books. You are not saying "read this and do it this way"merely offering something that YOU found helpful,sam ewith the carrier and Moogoo products. Sometimes people are really unaware of other options out there so its lovely to offer alternatives

Nae x x x

[feeb]

I think Moogoo is a great idea as people are generally willing to try different products.

The close carrier is a nice gesture and awesome thing to use loved mine!

I would not give books as it can seem like you are pushing beliefs on people (I have given a book of pinky's to SIL but knew she would never use CC etc) generally would not give a book for fear of harming friendship.


i would suggest buying a nice outfit for bub or wrap or even a nice teething toy or something for when older like cup or something. For her some nice hand cream and choc.

OOPS took to long to write due to interuptions that Teagm said similar thing

[BlackRose]

Lovely idea! What about giving her a nice photo frame that she can put a photo of her kids in? And you can't go wrong with Lindt!

[Maruschke]

Sorry but I would leave the Pinky books out. Not because I disagree with her, but because her ideas are not mainstream and are so strong. Otherwise they sound like nice gifts.

[LuluHB]

I'd leave the books out at this point too. You can always take the opportunity to loan them to her if she raises issues about different parenting techniques one day. Otherwise it sounds lovely.

[Babyluv]

Great idea and if she is after a gentler approach Pinky is fantastic. I've found her books to be very reassuring and supportive. I think it's such a lovely idea. Even if you just gave parenting by heart which isn't so direct with a particular style of parenting but more about being true to your mummy instincts etc. Oh and I saw the other day moogoo are doing gift packs for Christmas, not sure if they do a baby one though but worth checking out.

[wysiwyg]

Personally I think the books are fine - if someone gave me a Tizzie Hall book for example (which I am not a fan of) - it wouldn't damage our friendship and I wouldn't think they were trying to push their beliefs on me - I would just think that it was something they found useful so thought I might too. If I didn't know what the alternatives were maybe I wouldn't think the gentler methods are so good - knowledge is power after all. I suppose I think how else do people come across things like gentle parenting without other people exposing them to it - and I think just giving her some books is a fine way to do it ( as long as you are not considering putting in the front : "I know you did CIO last time but think you should use these methods this time instead" - love PZ :-) )

[Lenny]

I would also not give out parenting books. I like Pinky's books in that they just kind of give you a reminder that you are doing what seems right to you. She never really blows me away - but that's because she just seems to support and explain my own ideas ITMS. If it's not your way of thinking then now is probably not a good idea to start reading them!
I love Little Innoscents - they also do great little gift packs. I'm not affiliated, don't worry! Just find them a bit more gifty than moogoo.
Would definitely offer the CC as long as you aren't using it. It might take her a while to try it. I'd have loved to borrow a few because i bought so many in the end and really only needed maybe two (or three, or four, maybe)

[peanutter]

everything but the books, particularly as it's not her first baby ...

but if I thought there might be a good one-on-one opportunity to discuss in detail my opinions and what worked for me and what books I found helpful, I'd take *my* set of books with me, and after chatting, would offer to pass them on to her.

books I'm really passionate about, I sometimes keep more than one copy, so I can give/loan/boomerang my one, and still have a copy at home for my reference - much less imposing than giving someone a new book with all the expectations (real or imagined) that can go with.

but I think the moogoo, close carrier, and some of the other suggested (an MCN etc) are all super ideas, and aren't pushy at all. you're a lovely friend. I think the books are a lovely idea, but I'd want to have the conversation with her at the time, to make sure she's feeling up for it, and is happy to take and read them, etc.

**quick thought: if she has a baby, a toddler, and a traumatic birth, I wonder how she's going for time ... do Pinky's books get done as audiobooks? or as a download? if so, I'd be even more likely to offer that ... just an idea!~

[HotI]

but if I thought there might be a good one-on-one opportunity to discuss in detail my opinions and what worked for me and what books I found helpful, I'd take *my* set of books with me, and after chatting, would offer to pass them on to her.

i like this idea.