Things I will never say to my daughter...

[Rowellen]

When my DD is all grown up, pg or with a new baby, older baby, toddler, toddler & baby etc etc....

I WILL NOT SAY: "Just enjoy it. This time will go too fast. The cleaning can wait"


Unless it is immediately followed with "I know you must be tired. I'll watch baby/toddler/both/all while you have a sleep. I'll take them outside so you can have some peace. When you wake up, you can enjoy your baby/toddler/both/you time while I do some housework for you."


I WILL NOT SAY: "I'll watch the baby/toddler/both/whatever while you do some cleaning."

I might say something along those lines, but "cleaning" WILL be replaced with "sleeping" or "getting hair done".


These comments annoy to no end. The first might be true but how can you enjoy anything when you're sleep deprived? How does the cleaning get done if I don't do it? The cleaning fairy hasn't visited me yet. And sometimes it does need to be done. We all need clean clothes to wear, dishes to eat off, safe floors to play on, hygienic bathrooms to groom in. And I want to play with my children. I don't want to clean while you do it.



And I WILLprint out this thread to put in her box so when she is all grown up, I can open it and remember that I said these things.


What lines do you get that really erk you to the point where you wouldn't say the same thing to your child in the future?

[Traveller]

I will not say "just you wait until they get to x age". Especially when they were tiny my mum seemed to begrudge me the fact that I didn't find it all that excruciatingly difficult and loved to tell me how hard it's going to get. So I would say they were an easy baby and she would say "but wait until they are teething" or "but wait until they are talking back" like she wanted to ruin the good time I was enjoying with my child.

And also "well this is your punishment for being the way you were as a kid" basically if I ever call and mention that one of my children has been less than angelic (happens all the time ) instead of giving advice about what worked for her she gloats over the fact I put her through that too. Helpful mum, really helpful.

[Charlotte91]

"You're a mother, of course you're tired." When there's actually depression.

"Don't think about it/just move on" When there's anxiety and fears.

"Just smack her" When child does something wrong.

I WILL go to my daughter's house to help her out when she needs me, regardless if I want to or not. Not expect her to take her child, drop her off and go home again to do dishes/cleaning.

[Kimbles01]

How does the cleaning get done if I don't do it? The cleaning fairy hasn't visited me yet. And sometimes it does need to be done.

If you see the cleaning fairy can you send her my way next? I'm still waiting!

I have a pretty easy baby, but still there are not enough hours in the day.

My mum has been great, she encourages me to go to her place with DD (they live 5 mins away) so she can babysit and I can nap - i find if I try it at home I just lie there and think of all the cleaning etc that needs doing instead of relaxing!

[MrsFabuloso]

'I know how you feel'- then do nothing to help

'I had terrible sleepers too'- and not take the kids for a few hours so she can rest

'I always cleaned when they slept, my house was never a mess'- when her children barely sleep, and her house is a pigsty

'You shouldn't have had them so close'- (well where to begin with this pearler...?? The kids ARE born, they ARE close together in age. It's awesome and it sucks all at once, there are pros and cons to big gaps and small age gaps. Telling me that will do abso-freaking-lutely nothing to help me.)

'No more kids right?'- when she has told me she actually wants another, but her hubby doesn't

'You decided to have kids/You made your bed so lay in it'- when she is doing things tough and needs time out



Yeah, my mother is a great help to me. I'm praying that whilst having her as a mother is doing nothing much in particular to help me, I hope that one day when my kids have kids, I will be there in ways my mum never was/is. And that I will NOT be anything like her because she showed me how sucky it can be having a useless mother.

[Kazzo]

I will never teel my daughters when they have kids of their own that they 'Are creating a rod for their own back'. I hate this comment and even more so when a stranger walking past wants to tell me this.

[Artechim]

I would like to think that I wouldn't say Ewwww when I hear what my grandchildren are named.

[Lily Dust]

I will never say.......
I dont know what your doing wrong with her/ him.
Thats not real crying, leave her or you will ruin her.
I thinks shes too old for a boob now.
I never did x, y or z with you.....especially if there is photographic evidence!!!!!

ETA: Im going to love this thread! Im sure I will be back

[nothing2lose]

How does the cleaning get done if I don't do it? The cleaning fairy hasn't visited me yet. And sometimes it does need to be done. We all need clean clothes to wear, dishes to eat off, safe floors to play on, hygienic bathrooms to groom in. And I want to play with my children. I don't want to clean while you do it.

What I will say if my DD ever says something like this to me is...'Where the hell is your husband/partner and why doesn't he clean the house if it needs cleaning??'

[Rowellen]

I would like to think that I wouldn't say Ewwww when I hear what my grandchildren are named.

I hope your mum didn't say that to you!

What I will say if my DD ever says something like this to me is...'Where the hell is your husband/partner and why doesn't he clean the house if it needs cleaning??'

Well, mine actually does do a lot of cleaning, almost all the cooking & 99% of the yardwork as well as working 5 days a week (early mornings) and looking after DD while I work 3 days a week. So I reckon if you were my mother I'd have to slap you I reckon I picked a winner though. There's always more to be done I don't know how anyone manages with a lazy grownup kid to look after too.

Some great ones here. I will be keeping all your responses in DD's box. Keep em coming.

[~Kim~]

Wow, you're doing so well! You have everything under control (so I don't really have to do a thing do I? Even though I know you've just about reached the top of the PND scale and it must be killing you to maintain this façade).

Must ETA this post with a defence for my wonderful mum. This came from my MIL. My mum is awesome and even adjusts her own parenting practises to my own when she looks after my kids.
to those of you who have been hurt.

[MrsFabuloso]

Wow, you're doing so well! You have everything under control (so I don't really have to do a thing do I? Even though I know you've just about reached the top of the PND scale and it must be killing you to maintain this façade).

Yeah those comments are great too aren't they? I have had some form of PND/A as well as AND/A with each of my pregnancies/babies and my mother has no idea. Or she was in denial. I could call her crying my heart out and she'd have some crappy unhelpful words of 'wisdom'. Of all people you think will understand and help, it's your mum, and to be so sorely disappointed (for me) is a truely horrible thing. I thought my mum would be an awesome nanna. But she's not.

[Me+him+bub]

Yeah those comments are great too aren't they? I have had some form of PND/A as well as AND/A with each of my pregnancies/babies and my mother has no idea. Or she was in denial. I could call her crying my heart out and she'd have some crappy unhelpful words of 'wisdom'. Of all people you think will understand and help, it's your mum, and to be so sorely disappointed (for me) is a truely horrible thing. I thought my mum would be an awesome nanna. But she's not.

are you sure we don't have the same mother?

[MrsFabuloso]

are you sure we don't have the same mother?

I hope not...lol. Hopefully yours is better than mine...but sorry if she isn't. It's so sucky. Especiallyif you have friends with awesome mums and you see what you're REALLY missing out on.

[Maruschke]

"While you are under my house you are under my rules. When you have your own house you can live however you want" because invariably my mother is not happy regardless of how I live my life in my own house under my own rules.

[LuluHB]

"Oh, is that how you do it these days. Things really have changed because WE never did anything like that". This coming from MIL with one of those down the nose sort of sneers so you know there's something so much *****ier she wants to say.

I'm sorry to hear all the bad mum stories. Makes me all the more grateful for the incredible one I have.

[fionas]

I will never tell my daughter if she announces she is divorcing her husband, "oh, that seems ever such a shame when you've just had a new kitchen put in."

[NaeNae]

"you're so melodramatic"
"you're over sensitive"
"you have such a vivid imagination"
"if you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about"
"you are so difficult to love"


hmmm I will never discount how my children feel or make them feel inadequate or unworthy of love no matter what they do.