Not coping today and no idea how I'll cope with two

[Miss E]

I just needed to come in here and debrief. I am feeling so overwhelmed right now. I've just spent the last 1.5 hours trying to get DS to sleep. Yes, I still rock/pat/whatever my 2.5 year old to sleep for his naps, because if I don't he doesn't have one and the afternoon is hideous. He was sleep walking last night and then ended up being wide awake from 2.30 to 5.00am so has had 8 hours of broken sleep, if that. He's been feral all morning and tired, but for the life of me I couldn't get him to sleep. And it was the same yesterday. Both times I've ended up yelling at him in frustration which has made him cry and left me feeling awful. And today, I've just ended up crying right along with him. I've spent the last hour crying and rocking him and wondering how on earth I am ever go manage when the baby arrives. There is no way I'm going to be able to spend an hour, or probably even half an hour getting him to sleep. But then if I don't, his behaviour will go to crap, and then how will I cope? It just seems like such a hopeless situation, I feel like I'm completely set up for failure. I no longer have my mum, all DH's family is overseas and there really isn't going to be anybody to help me during the day.

And then on top of the nap issues, I'm terrified of how bubs arrival is going to impact on DS's life. I've never had a night away from him, and I'm going to spend four in hospital when I have the baby. I'm the only one who he lets put him to sleep at night, so who knows how that is going to go. He's such a mummy's boy and he is going to have to share me. Right now I feel like I am about to ruin his perfect little life by having another child. I just feel awful and so overwhelmed by everything. I have no idea how I am go manage.

Thanks for listening. No need to reply.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

Firstly a mssive hun, i know it feels like nothing will fall into place and your going to be making things hard for you both but i PROMISE you wont, i don't know why or how but things just seem to fall into place.

Where possible now can you start making SMALL changes to how you put him to bed etc, maybe get DH to start a new routine with him, get DH to have him for a BOYS DAY without you around at all, just little things now so that it wont be such a shock when your gone for a couple of nights?

I know it's not easy and you feel bad but you wont ruin his life, chances are he will be smitten with your new LO and things will all just fall into place.

Deep breaths and positive thoughts... FWIW i went through all the same feelings.

[Me+him+bub]

I hear you, I have a 2 and a half year old who is feral with sleep, especially day sleep, and an 8 week old. some suggestions would be perhaps put him back into a cot rather than a bed? mine is still in a cot and it stops him getting up and down, it has helped, also is there a reason why you need to stay 4 days in hospital? I went home after 24 hours post birth this time despite a big post birth bleed and a being a VBAC and having fluid retention, just had the midwife come over once a few days later to check me. Also does your son fall asleep on the couch or next to you then try placing him into his bed. I know this is impossible when you are in hospital but maybe if you could somehow establish a better sleep pattern by the time bubs comes you won't have to stress, oh and what about those sleep centres? get a GP referral and nurses there help you, I had a friend go to one a few weeks for 4 nights to get her little one off the dummy and it worked! they set up plans and help you with techniques and they are professionals, worth a look into maybe? best of luck, one foot in front of the other. I have NO family but one MIL and a fiance who works full time and I am coping somehow, we all do in the end we are mums

[sloane]

i'm not going to say you'll cope wonderfully (even though i think you will!) because we don't know what it's going to be like yet. but you are a beautiful mummy to your DS & he knows how much you love him. yes, his world is going to change. for a while he might not think the change is great - but he will still know that you love him & he may well just think that being mummy's helper & a big brother is the bees knees. i'm sure his world will actually improve in lots of ways (if not at the start, then soon after).

i think today is an exception rather than the rule - you're both super tired, it's warm & you're in the 3rd tri with lots of things playing on your mind.

i worked with someone who used to have 'dates' with her DS1. the two of them would go out for dinner or go to buy some new clothes etc while her DS2 stayed at home with daddy. i always thought it was so lovely to make some special time with her DS1 - i can definitely see you & your DS doing something similar

if you need anything - someone to listen, bring you some food, a coffee etc, just let me know. i'm at work but will be finished soon

[OceanPrincess]

Sloane has put it wonderfully (as always).

All I want to add is that I had similar worries when I was pg with DS. It takes a while to adjust, but you eventually find a "new normal".

Tomorrow is a new day.

[~Hestia~]

vent away darl. I remember feeling the same way.

[Butterfly Child]

hugs hun it can be so tough .. i know what its like a constant battle to get G to go to sleep it is so frustrating!!.. just no that it will work out so try and relax and not worry about what is to come Hun, things have a way of working out.. i know thats so easily said then done.. give yourself some you time to calm down i always find when i'm calm and relaxed G goes down a lot easier.. go easy on yourself and know that we are all here to support you xx

[~ Mylitta ~]

Oh hun I'm having the exact same feelings as you except I'm wondering how I'm ever going to cope with three. I'm the same gestation as you and I think these sorts of feelings are completely normal.

I remember wondering the same thing and having the same fears when I was pregnant with number two. I kept telling myself "I will cope, because I will have to" and "everything will work itself out because no matter what, I love both my children". Now I'm saying exactly those same things again this time around but now it's "because I love all my children" lol.

There are definitely days and times where having more than one is certainly challenging, and the moments when they both want you at exactly the same moment are probably the hardest, but at the end of the day they know how much you love them.

We're both going to do fine, because we are 'Mummies' and we always do our best

[Calluna]

[onthefly]

I know it seems like it'll be impossible right now. But it will work out ok

I totally understand feeling that he needs to sleep, but spending 1.5 hours doing that must be driving you crazy. Will he fall asleep in the car or pram after an outing?

[Miss E]

Thanks so much for your support lovelies! I'm feeling much better after a good nights sleep (as is DS). But my mini meltdown has been a good catalyst for DH and I to really start helping DS prepare and adapt for when bubs arrives. I think until now we've just been going along as normal because that is what is easiest. But with only a couple of months to go, it's probably time.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

hun, sometimes it's those little OH NO moments that actually help move things along.

Start small, don't put too much pressure on yourself, just go with it.. i'm sure there are some awesome ideas on changing his bedtime routine etc out there.
Like i said though maybe get DH to start coming in with you or getting him to start a new routine, bath, cuddles, story with dad then bed etc etc?
Maybe introduce step 1 nath, then step 2 story with dad then step 3 dad patting then step 4 dad kissing goodnight then walk out etc etc..

[Miss E]

hun, sometimes it's those little OH NO moments that actually help move things along.

Start small, don't put too much pressure on yourself, just go with it.. i'm sure there are some awesome ideas on changing his bedtime routine etc out there.
Like i said though maybe get DH to start coming in with you or getting him to start a new routine, bath, cuddles, story with dad then bed etc etc?
Maybe introduce step 1 nath, then step 2 story with dad then step 3 dad patting then step 4 dad kissing goodnight then walk out etc etc..

So true! We've got a pretty good bedtime routine down pat... DH does bath and story, but he insists on having me give him his cuddle and put him to bed... Never used to be that way, DH used to always do bed but then it slowly changed. We've decided that I'm going to have a night away in the next few weeks so that DS's first experience of me being gone for the whole night isn't when bubs arrived. I'm actually really excited about it! I was given a hotel voucher from work at christmas, so am going to book myself a night at the Como and spend the afternoon having spa treatments. Initially I thought i would invite a friend, but now I'm thinking the 'me' time would be even better

I think we just need to bite the bullet on it. We've tried quite a few times where I've gone out before bedtime. But then when I've gotten home DS has been upset and calling for me, so I end up coming in and doing it. With me being gone for the night, they're going to have to figure it out for themselves, even if that means DS sleeps in our bed, or falls asleep on the couch watching TV...

Naps, I'm not so sure about. If I don't rock/pat him to sleep for a nap he doesn't sleep. He seems to have a lot of trouble unwinding during the day (but no problems at night) and if I leave him to go to sleep by himself he lays there for 15 or 20 mins and gets up... I think we might just keep going as we always have and deal with it day by day when bubs arrives.

Sorry, I've started rambling on and on now! Just feeling a lot more in control today and assured that everything isn't going to fall peices. It's also good because I think DH is actually thinking about this stuff too now, so it doesn't feel like all the weight is on my shoulders if that makes sense.

[sloane]

that 'me' time sounds perfect!! and probably a great chance for your DH & DS to work things out a bit

i've been out occasionally in the evenings until after bedtime & tbh for a while it was a case of DS just falling asleep on DP in front of the tv. i also worked for a couple of months on DP's day off & the same thing would happen (although often at the computer, listening to music). i used to feed DS to sleep then we moved on to me lying next to him & giving him cuddles but that didn't work for DP so they just found their own rythym. these days DP can do the same as i do for naps/bedtime but it did take quite a few times of them doing their own thing before it got to that stage (and it has coincided with DS becoming far easier to put to bed as well). either way, i think your DH & DS will figure things out & come up with something that works for them sometimes it's a good thing if dads don't do exactly the same as mum

i'm glad you had an epiphany (albeit an emotional one!), it sounds like it's really clarified in your mind the things you need/want to sort out before the baby comes & probably brought underlying concerns to the surface.

[Three Graces]

Hi there,

I can relate to how you're feeling, as I felt the same when going from one to two. Our firstborn had reflux, didn't sleep for more than 20 mins at a time during the day when he was a baby and we had to rock/pat him off to sleep for ages. I'd spent a week at sleep school, which was really good info for when number 2 came along. I found that the baby's needs came first, as the older one could wait a little longer and as soon as bubs was fed/asleep/happy, I could focus on the older one. There were days where I felt I was pinging like a pinball machine between their two bedrooms, trying to get them both off to sleep. Cue the circus music and juggling.

After the eldest turned 3, he refused day naps altogether and there was an adjustment period (feral afternoons) for awhile, as he needed the sleep but didn't go down for one. Don't forget that newborns do tend to sleep during the day a lot and you'll still have plenty of one-on-one time with your DS to do activities together. He may also drop his day nap this year, anyway, so you may not have to spend time helping him get to sleep (just dealing with a cranky kid). Afternoon bathtime helped reduce the crankiness and when the second one is a bit older, they could maybe enjoy a bath together (trust me, they'll end up splashing and having an absolute ball together before long).

All the other suggestions for getting DH to help with some new routines, sound great. It will be a juggle to start off with and there will be good and bad days (don't worry about 'coping', it's more like just getting through the day, tears and tanties and all). Wishing you all the best!

[Purple Penguin]