Did you 'know' when you were done having kids?

[kelsbels]

I know this has been asked before but a cant find where sorry!

We've just had our second baby last Thursday, a little boy, so we now have a dd and a ds, the pigeon pair. Everyone seems to assume this means our family is complete and we wouldn't want any more kids.

Veeeeeery early days, I know that, and all those beautiful hormones are still surging, but I would love another child! I always thought I'd love three, hubby is not fussed but I don't think he'd say no.

So my question is, did you instantly know you were done once you'd had your last child? Or Was it a feeling that grew later on? Or did you never really have that feeling at all?

[Mildez]

One day I want one more but realistically my 1yr old is more then likely my last. I don't feel finished. I have 3

[Arcadia]

I had that feeling shortly after having ds and it hasn't gone away yet! Dh and I def want a third...but I'm open to four!

I think for us it's more about money/career than the parenting side. We love being parents!

[MrsFabuloso]

I also don't feel finished, but know we are because DH doesn't want any more children. #3 was a compromise for him, he would have stopped at 2 very happily, but I knew I wanted more. I would still love another, but he has totally vetoed it. So sadly, now it's my turn to compromise.

[black_rose]

I knew I was done before ds was born, the last few weeks was really difficult my body struggles to get past 34 weeks. We had discussions that even if he was a girl we would be finished. Once he was born was excited that he was a boy but would have been happy to have a girl too, but have never wanted a fourth. Our gp made hubby wait to get a vasectomy for a year to be sure but neither of us changed our mind. I am a bit sad about getting rid of everything but I am excited to watch them grow and find a bit of time for me now too.

[Shanti]

I remember those feelings were so strong after DD2 was born, mainly because she has been such an easy baby! And the feelings to have another one are still very strong so we aren't finished having babies either.

I hope that when we have had 3 or 4 babies, I do get that finished feeling people talk about. I can't imagine after having 4 babies if we do, that I will still feel a strong yearning for more, it just makes me sad to think that I will never have that 'finished' feeling! I want to be able to confidently one day say 'yes we are done' and feel good about it, kwim?

We have 2 girls and our family is complete, yet we will have more.

IMHO I think the whole 'pigeon pair' thing is silly. And it's insulting to those families with same gender children to assume that we want more kids just to have a different gender. It's just silly.

[AndiE]

I always wanted three, and I'm almost half way to getting our third and last. Even when pg with DS2, I knew I wanted one more. Now I'm pg with our third, I feel content that my family will be complete with the arrival of he or she. TBH, I don't particularly want to put myself through another round of TTC and the worry that accompanies pregnancy (well, I had a few worries early on with this bub). I think too, after this bub we'll happily concentrate on helping our family grow up, rather than "growing" our family - if that makes sense.

Yes, I agree that just because you have a pigeon pair doesn't mean you should be made to feel like your family is complete. Even if our next bub is another boy, we won't be trying for a girl.

Knowing when your family is complete is a personal decision - and one for a couple to work out for themselves.

[LuluHB]

I was sure I was done after DD2 was born and felt that way for probably two years before I started having pangs for another but it took until she was almost 3 for me to be really sure.

I know I'll be done after this one, and always knew this would be my last. Mainly cos I'm an old chook, but also because pregnancy takes a huge toll on me physically and this time around it is having an enormous impact on my family too. My poor girls think that pregnancy is a horrible time when mummy is always sick and can't play.

[Jakabella]

Yep. In done and I feel great about it! I loved being preg and I love babies but I am do looking fwd to all the great times ahead of us now. I'm so sure I'm looking into getting my tubes tied.
It's a good feeling to know your done and that's ok.

[~clover~]

I think, if you can still envision having another baby on the worst teething, no sleep night, then you aren't ready to give up

Before DD3 even came along I knew I was finished. Dealing with DS in the middle of the night & dreading going through it all again, kinda sealed the deal for me...

[~Hestia~]

When I was pregnant with Buster I swore he would be our last. DH and I were happy with two. A day or two after he was born I started thinking about another child, and now almost 4 months on I am most definitely not done! I would absolutely love to TTC a third child but DH doesn't want to, he's still content with two children. I'm envious of my friends who are quite sure they're done and have no desire for anymore - I remember feeling that confident with my choice and don't know if I ever will again. It doesn't help that Buster is the most easy going baby you'll ever meet

Oh yes and the pidgeon pair thing bothers me too. If I was blessed with another child I wouldn't necessarily be trying for a girl...with the amount of matchbox cars in our house I'd be better off with a third boy But the assumption that we would want a little girl more would irritate me!

[Trillian]

It was never something that I knew instantly - it was something that happened over time. We'd made a concrete decision not to have any more after having our 4th, so DH got a vasectomy, but for me the feelings were still there for a long time. The head and the heart were a bit confused there for a while. The head knew it was done but the heart took a lot longer to catch up.

[~*Niadalla*~]

We always said 2 kids and that was it. It didn't matter what genders I got etc. We were also lucky, as we got a pigeon pair.

Regardless, I knew I was done when I was pregnant with #2. Hubby and I are on the exact same page. Totally done, not having anymore.

[jacklicky]

DH only ever wanted one baby. For me that was never an option so we had always compromised on two.
DD came along and when we TTC for No2 we found out DH had developed MFI which meant IVF.

I am ecstatic that IVF worked for us but to be honest cant ever see myself doing it again.
Im my heart I would love another baby but also feel like these two are what my family is meant to be.

If I had of met DH and had babies earlier I think I would feel different but my 40yr old body has had enough I think.

[Fig]

Straight after the birth of my second, I could almost see a third child. It was weird, I absolutely felt like there should be a third child. DS is now 2 and half and we have been 'trying' for about 6 months to have the third. I thought I was pregnant 2 months ago and totally flipped out and had a massive panic attack about going through it all again. My DH really wants a third, but since he saw me completely flip out about it has agreed that its probably not a good idea to go ahead right now.

We have decided to wait another 2 years and then try again. That gives me time to think about it, but it means that we are not finished yet. I hope one day I feel comfortable one way or the other and can ultimately say 'yes we are done' but I think time will probably make that decision before I do.

[~Hestia~]

I posted in this thread earlier but funny how things change! A month later and I am done Nothing happened to change my mind, I just feel very happy with my two little boys and have no desire for more children now. I even got rid of all my baby things!

[AwesomeFoursome]

Its taken a while to feel done, its only in the last 8-10 weeks I have come to terms with this being our last. My head says defiantly no more, and my heart is happy with that atm. Though i know I will probably have moments when I long for another one, we have made the decision for DH is get a vasectomy after bub is born. Physically I don't think my body could cope with another pregnancy. I am happy that we have been blessed with the kids we have and I guess I just have to remind myself this if this comes up.

[Trillian]

I posted in this thread earlier but funny how things change! A month later and I am done Nothing happened to change my mind, I just feel very happy with my two little boys and have no desire for more children now. I even got rid of all my baby things!

It's funny the way it happens isn't it? Its like something you can't quite explain, but you look at your kids and you just *know* you've reached that point where you know there will be no more and you start to move forward with life.