Dh and I are tossing up #4. For me personally I can think of so many cons. Another mouth to feed, child care/school fees, less time to ourselves/other children, so a lot more cost and being time poor. However, I still have that niggling feeling for just one more. Initially it was to try for a boy, but I know we will most probably have another girl and I'm cool with that. I love having a big family, I'm one of eight and I liked that friendship siblings have growing up.
So my husband asked me last night if I thought I could cope.... I said yes, but really how do I know? Is it that much difference? Things are easier now dd3 is older. We would have a larger gap than usual as we have waited til now to decide. Dd1 starts school next year, dd2 is going to kinder. Its going to be busy... there's always buts though!
I always wanted 4. Yes I do have crazy days but I think I'd manage. I know I will. I think I just needed to vent. Its funny because my mum who bore eight of us told me the other week that she thinks that if we go again I would be making a rod for my own back! She said that things are so different these days financially and in terms of supports.... now I have that in my head. Plus I'm getting older and we only built our house to suit three kids.
If you can cope with 3, then you can cope with 4 because you just *do*. For sure its a strain and you have to take a lot of things into consideration like finances and time etc, but don't live life with regrets. So long as kids are happy and know they are loved then that's truly all that matters. I know things are different to what they were like when we were kids and everything costs more, but it's all relative - back then it didn't cost as much to raise a family, but back then the average wage was a lot lower too. You will have a similar age gap to what we have - first 3 pretty close together and then the 4th one a bit further apart and honestly it's been brilliant for our family and when #4 came along life was a lot more settled than it was had we kept them all close. The past 18 months or so I have felt like I have really gotten my life back - the kids are easier to look after if we have to go out/away, they can manage most things by themselves now like running baths etc. Of course I'm busier now than i was when I had 3 under 3, but that will happen no matter how many kids you have and they get to a certain age and start to pursue their own interests etc.
I have found 4 MUCH MUCH harder than i thought it was going to be - 3 was a breeze. However, my age gaps are much closer than yours (4 in 4 years) and I think the strain of having 3 in nappies didn't help with everything else. Plus, we have sleeping issues in this house - none of our children put themselves to sleep, and none sleep through the night - even the 5 year old. Everything is much harder when you have sleep issues I think. I still have days where I think "what the HELL have I done" especially when they are fighting all day and since there are 4 of them, all of them can have a turn at fighting with each other, so it just seems like I break up fights all damn day. Plus 4 kids making mess = a lot of mess. 2 of them in one room trashing it, while you are cleaning up another mess, then you clean up that mess, and the other two are in another room making another mess. Plus more fighting about what to watch on the tv... some days I feel like leaving to be honest and letting them fight it out amongst themselves.. LOL
Plus - my washing tripled I think when I went from 3-4 dunno how that happened, but I have to do a load every day without fail or else I'm way behind.
Gees mnb...you're not painting a great picture! My youngest is almost ready for toilet training and more often than not she sleeps reasonable... not rubbing it in though.
I think if I'm going to do it, it has to be soon though because I do want to finish up baby making and get on with things. Its just that I don't feel complete...I feel I could give it another shot, and then I promise I won't go back again!
Better to do it than not do it if you think you'll live with regrets from not doing it. I'm not sorry that I did it, yup it's hard, if I would change anything I would have bigger age gaps than what I did - but I wouldn't change having them. Especially the last one - she's just awesome and I always thank the universe for letting us have her.
we are currently TTC number 4 so I have no experience with it, but our gap is large so our oldest being nearly 11, our youngest it just about to turn 3. I just felt like I wasnt finished but in my circle of friends and family 4 is a HUGE family lol.
I have 7 ranging from 16 to 6. The most challenging adjustment was with number 3. I suffered severe PND after my youngest child was born, which made it quite hard to cope (perhaps an understatement), but I still remember that jump from 2 to 3 being the most difficult to deal with.
Routine, routine, routine! I can't push that point enough!!!
Mine are all 2.5 to 3 years apart. I chose that age gap for a reason (though DD3 was a suprise). I chose to have the one above day TT & sleeping through before I had the next one. Makes life easier. And the older one/s can help out here & there.
Its noisy & busy in this house all the time. But my kids have noisy, on the go personalities. Not all kids are the same. Usually not all of them will be as loud as each other
#4 hasn't been too bad. I breast fed her for 2 years & used cloth nappies til recently, so thats 2 years I haven't had to pay much out for. She hasn't added much to the cost of living at all yet. Except that we had to upgrade the car for the extra seat. But now its just me & the kids, we could go back to a 5 seater. We're surviving in a reasonably small 3 brm house. School/kindy is actually a relief! The morning rush is so worth it to have them at school for 6 hours
I think the hardest part is when they all get sick one after the other. Or when I get sick & they're all still happy & healthy & running riot But I'm doing this on my own. I think with support it would be ALOT easier.
Honestly I found the first year and a half tiring. And we felt housebound. Dd was not the best sleeper
I had 3 at home for a year then ds 2 started school and things eased. Things are great now and I am so glad we had the 4th. I almost had my tubes tied after 3 but couldn't go through with it. While on the table with #4 I knew I was done. (Cs). Tubes were done then.
Very happy with our little family of 6. Of course some days we are still tired and it gets loud and busy but the good outweighs the bad
Yeah... I just can't seem to go and get myself on contraception because I do want this. Although some days..... I do think regret would come into it for me.
For me going from 3-4 was almost a walk in the park! Granted ds2 has been a MUCH more contented baby which probably had not much to do with his birth order, but he just slotted in with the family (so did all the others mind you!). There is nearly always another child willing to keep baby company and help with him. Plus the older 3 are all old enough to be hapling in other ways to like dressing themselves setting the table going to the toilet alone or even washing some dishes with supervision.
It sounds like youve pretty much already made up your mind and I hope you and dh will be happy and at peace with whatever you decide. Also bear in mind that we can attempt to plan away everything in our lives but it does not necessarily turn out at all like we thought
PS my mum always said going from 2-3 children was the most challenging (she had 4) and I think I'd personally agree with her but they maybe because my #3 is a fullon little firecracker and has been since the minute she was born!
I have 3. but for what its worth, I know a lot of family and friends with 4or more and most of them say going from 2-3 is the hardest, because you have to change the way you parent, with 2 kids each parent can look after a child with 3 or more you have to split your time and routines/ organization becomes essential.
With 2 you can kinda wing it more.
I thought 3 would be my limit, but I would consider more. Noisy, busy, crazy times. I love big families
Reply With Quote
Registered User
Coping with 4
But I'm doing this on my own. I think with support it would be ALOT easier.
Bookmarks