Recently I've been thinking about my own mortality.
What's brought this on...? Well DD is 11 weeks old and I suppose having her makes me feel older. I felt much younger pre DD's birth and that I had so much time. Now I'm almost too scared to think about how much time I have left and that their is an endpoint to my whole existence.
Has anyone else experienced this? How did you manage? How did you come to terms with it?
This is something I thought about a lot when I was having cancer treatment. As a part of that journey, some of my new friends who also had the disease were facing their own ends of lives. I learnt a huge lot from these gorgeous people.
Basically, it shouldn't be a shock to us that our lives are in some way limited, but it's like there's a golden bubble of invincibility when you're young, and part of maturing into the person you want to be is to understand that the fountain of youth doesn't last forever. So we have a choice. We can choose to allow the days and weeks pass without sucking the marrow out of their bones, or we can start to think about and prioritise what it is we really want. This is the secret to a life well lived - to make conscious choices. This is true whether you have 80 years left or just 80 days. To appreciate the present moment and make it the fullest experience possible. That's all any of us ever have.
Both my husband and I really felt this too when we had our first child (he was 49 and I was 38). It just took time I guess, and the usual sleep deprivation with a little one really exacerbates feeling older. We both still have our moments though, and we are now expecting No 2 at ages 51 and 40, so I think we will have a return of those feelings when bubs is born.
When DS1 was born I went through exactly the same thing. I definitely think I'm more aware of my - and my family's - mortality since having children. Mind you, that initial intense feeling wore off after a while, and so while I'm more conscious of my mortality now than I was pre-kids, it's not quite so front and centre in my brain as when DS1 was first born.
Oh my gosh! i am going through this right now! and it is upsetting! I watched a tv show on dementia last night and that has made my issue with dying even worse! Along with the fact that for as long as i can remember even when i was a child i always said i would die at the age of 40! i don't know why but it is just a feeling i have had. I am 32 this year, and i don't want to die at 40! i have 2 girls that need their mummy! I worry every day about the day i will leave them
I kind of had this after having DD, but my main concern was who would look after her as no one would care for her the way I wanted and that I'd be upset not to be breastfeeding anymore. I wasn't worried about me more my kids. And I think maybe that's were the concerns lie when these feelings come up after having children.
I only really became comfortable with the idea of death after having DD. I think I felt like I'd achieved what I was meant to achieve and I would always live on as part of her. I know how corny that sounds
Totally agree with Marydean that rather than seeing death as the ultimate in scary, I realise that I have limited time left and am thinking about my legacy which has led me to seeking a career change and setting some priorities for how I want the rest of my life to pan out.
I think also having had some pretty incapacitating health issues, I've had a bit of an insight into what getting older will be like and I can now imagine welcoming death when my body really starts to crumble.
Thanks Guys. I'm still digesting the whole shebang but its good to know I'm not alone in this.
I think it's come up after having DD because I feel like I've now started my adult life...at 40.
Maybe my concept as a child of being 'grown up' was having children. Because that has happened quite late I feel ripped off and like I have limited time to enjoy DD and DP.
Still trying to get my head around it without loosing my head.
Frangipani, I think that hitting your 40s also provokes this kind of reflection. It sounds like in your case this might be compounded by feelings of grief and loss over things not turning out the way you had hoped. Sometimes, when this kind of grief starts to nudge us, it's an invitation to heal those hurts in our lives. So it could be a good time for you to attend some counselling so you can come to peace with what has been and move forward.
Mortality
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