Self esteem post baby

[BellyBelly]

My bub is about 5.5 months now and my self esteem isnt going so wonderfully. Its such a big surprise, but all sorts of insecurities and things have reared their ugly head. Gees, even DH telling his sister to stop losing so much weight made me feel like crap, because I weigh more than her and have a few kilos to go before i'll be happy with my weight. Feeling unusually down about little things and I can't shake it, getting worse than better

[little_O]

How are your hormones going since? Do you have a cycle back yet?

I found when my cycle started up again I started getting those types of feeling.

I've started back in a multi vitamin with b's and I am taking organic kelp because that helps balance hormones. Seems to be working for me.

[Chrispe]

((Hugs)) I get feeling like that often.
(And sometimes worse)

Does doing little things for your self help?
(ie getting new clothes that help hide baby weight, new haircut, coffee with friends) I know they are only little superficial things, but sometimes it's just enough to help.

I often ask myself what is the 'core' reason I feel this way.

By the way you do a great job here!

[Floweryfields]

I agree with little O, is it possible your cycle is returning, sounds like how I get when af is due.

[Lily Dust]

Any chance bub has reduced feeds recently? I know she is only tiny but I do recall when DD would reduce a feed my emotions would plummet further and it would trigger everything, everything went from bad to worse.

Exhaustion and just general mum stuff can take every ounce of everything we have and you have so much on your plate! Perhaps you can take a few minutes just for you each day to do something that is just about you. Im sorry to hear you are feeling so down

[Rouge]

In comparison to when DD1 was born how are you feeling? Big loves xx

[BellyBelly]

Thanks for the kind words everyone. Im on my iphone so will do my best to remember everything:

* cycle - None yet and highly doubt its starting, took 18 months with my other two. Dont have any other symptoms to say otherwise e.g. no CM, increased libido, sensitive boobs.

* feeds - nothing has changed, no solids etc.

* friends, going clothes shopping etc - not possible, moved to a small town to be with my DP and clothes consist of Target Country. Have bought bits online including a dress I love but my boobs keep falling out of it Havent made friends here, many aren't anywhere near the kind of people I would want to be friends with (e.g. several people in my street drink often with kids around and DOCS pop around from time to time, let alone cops).

My man is soon to head off for the annual work conference for a week in northern qld somewhere amazing and thats on my mind amongst other things. As for me, I will have three school kids and bubba to take care of and I miss my friends and family closeby, especially while he's away with work. Feel in a cage a little here and crap about myself.

But, its been like this for a year, just now it feels very intense. I have an awesome guy, but I feel like I am not being my best for him feeling this way and dont want to do damage to that. Wish I didn't care about all the things that are troubling me.

Rouge - I honestly cant remember, but I did feel isolated with her and she was a very difficult baby and exh just worked non-stop. I lost shed loads of weight because I rarely got to feed myself. But I wasnt happy.

[Santosha]

That sounds really isolating Kelly. I recognise those feelings as those I felt when my little man was the same age.... and I wanted to gently suggest that it sounds like you might be experiencing PND.

I keep going to add more and then deleting it. I don't want to tell you what's happening for you. I don't want to throw platitudes at you. Really, I just want to send you my support and suggest that you have a chat with your GP, PANDA or even just a really supportive friend about how you're feeling.

xoxo

[Chrispe]

That's hard!
It 'could' be PND.

Or it could be because you are in a new area, you don't have the support network you could/would have with close friends/family nearby.

That's enough to make anybody feel down.

Would the child health nurse in your area be able to help you find other parents and families that parent like you do?

[Amity]

I wouldn't want to make any friends where you are!

I'd be making plans to move out of there ASAP. Like yesterday. Get yourself to a nearby town with better resources and better friends then you'll be far better off.

DHS have more than half your town's population on their books. Not a nice place to be. I'm not at all surprised you're not feeling good.

Perhaps more trips to nicer places in the meantime

[RhiChiChi]

I was going to suggest something along the lines of Divvy.
How close is the next nicest town? Do they have a library where you and your baby can go to story time or a playgroup? What about going out once a week for a nice coffee and a treat? Is there a nice walking track or park that you can go to? This could aid getting back into shape if that is important to you.
I also think a chat to PANDA may be helpful.
I am in a niceish suburb and feel isolated at times so couldn't imagine how you would be feeling. I'd also keep the lines of communication open with your man. He needs to know how you are doing.

[RhiChiChi]

Double post

[Mak]

Ok so you've had some major life changes recently - moving house to a radically different place, new(ish) partner, new baby (altered hormones/body image and the sleep deprivation that comes as part and parcel of this) and I would imagine massive logistics with making all these transitions with your older kids.
Social isolation is really hard especially in the context of all this change. Is there any chance of getting a time out for yourself? Say when DP is away could you take a few days and stay with anyone near to your old base? Take some time to go shopping and fill the days with some comfy company? It is not a permanent solution but may get you through the eye of the storm? Could the other kids hang out with their Dad/Mum or Grandparent for a few days to let you rest/refresh? I know with school starting this may be difficult but a few days off may not matter.
xxxx

[Cassius2]

Agree with mak in that you have had one mega year...super busy, pregnant, baby, new life changes all around...including the BIG one...moving to a new town. that is a really big one. and i guess that now that you DD is just that little bit bigger and less newborn-y you actually have more mental space to actually think about yourself in this new life and are trying to discover your own path that isnt intimately connected to creating a safe place to have a baby ITMS....now that life is getting more settled and normal it is now imperative to seek whether that is the normal you want ITMS. I reckon that by listening to your discontent, although challenging in how it raises insecurities, you could grasp the Big Meaning of it and trust that it is telling you to do some navel gazing and begin to set out a path that you want to walk. take this moment of free-fall as a sign, your body and mind telling you that things arent right and need attention...planning your next life stage could offer some wonderful opportunities to remain true to you!

I'm worried that the new town is not going to be enough for you home is where the heart is and the heart needs a home. Raising babies in isolation is not the way we roll. I think that this has to be the most important thing to begin working out ways to rectify. you need the love and support of a wider range of contacts - otherwise the pressure placed on your relationship with DP will be the be all and end all and that can be extremely challenging (I have BTDT...it works but isnt always anywhere near fun).
I am assuming there are no people to gather even an informal mothers group? Could you ask around? even if you can connect with one other woman with kids it can make life so so much more beautiful and less intense: cups of tea are amazing when shared

[BellyBelly]

Thanks heaps for the replies everyone. I too don't think the move will fix everything right now - we considered moving a few times but here's the thing, if we move closer to the city, we move further away from my DP's lovely parents, who have been our main source of any support, so that would reduce. My friends and family don't travel up this way, only on the odd occasion to see me, so its not going to improve that side of it. Yes could potentially make new friends in a new town (some around here are no good/too small also), and that would also mean pulling kids out of school too, when they've just settled into a great school in another town 20-30 mins away - but we can't live there sadly, its a military base. Such great community there.

So it feels like such a pickle. We'll be here another 1-2 years before moving, because we haven't been able to find a 4 bedroom house to rent or buy here, so ended up buying some land at a great price and the build will start soon, cheaper than buying and renovating any 3-4 bedroom house around here. We desperately need a bigger place, its seriously tiny and 3 kids + 1 baby + 2 adults urgh.

There is apparently a mothers group around here, includes a mash of a teenager through to a mum in her 40's. I know I sound terribly judgmental but even just riding the bus one time, walking the streets, going grocery shopping - the parenting scares me. I feel so badly for so many kids around here and even feel sad thinking about what the poor MCHN's have to deal with. They are super awesome MCHN's - one once a midwife herself who had to transfer her own homebirth. But yeah, resource wise, there just isn't much. And it has been building resent in me (ridiculously) hearing my partner talk about the jokes, convos and relationships he has with his customers over the last 9 or how many years. We can't go out anywhere around here and someone stops him for a convo and I always end up feeling the third wheel.

I don't know how to explain this well to my partner as I have tried already, but he could understand and just not know how to fix it. I don't either, unless it means moving back to the city in 2 years. But then he will be away from his family too, and every fortnight on Fri PM and Sun PM have a 6 hour drive round trip to drop off and pick up his son who has shared care. All feels very tricky and I don't want to sound demanding.

I know this is very complicated, sorry

[Mak]

How are you feeling about stuff today? I have been thinking about you and wondered if you had thought about putting out word for a mum's coffee at the kids school? I am sure there are lots of organised groups etc but perhaps there are others new to the school/area that may want to catch up? No need for a big commitment just a quick outing after drop off. Also can you utilise the support you have for some time out? Maybe a set time for the IL's to have their new grandchild if it is possible and for you to go for a walk/gym/swim, whatever can get some happy hormones going?
I also reckon an easy perk up purchase which is not related to your body always works too. So a scarf, lippy, mascara, cheapy shoes if at all possible to just put a touch of colour or newness all for you. Nothing over the top but enough to kind of kick you into a different headspace. xxx