Desperate for some advice!

[trishalishous]

Advice please!
My 2.9yo has just been feral all day. Not listening, destroying things, refusing to use the toilet/have her nappy changed, all of which we have ignored, (or in the case of her nappy overflowing with poo down her back forcibly picked her up and changed her)
We have been ignoring and redirecting what we can (shrieking while DH and I are talking, ripping up all the junk mail and throwing it around the room, opening her matching cards and throwing those all over the floor) and 'counting' her all day on the big stuff (nappy/toileting, playing nicely, eating lunch), and have gotten to 3 every single time. (We do it "thats 1, if I get to 3 we are leaving the playcentre" wait "thats 2, if I get to 3 we are leaving the playcentre" wait "thats 3 we are leaving the playcentre now"

She has been really rough with her 6mo brother, and we take him away while trying to ignore the behaviour. While he was trying to sleep she went and hit him on the head, waking him. (And she was cuddling with me on the couch at the time)
It FEELS like attention seeking, but she LEAVES our attention/cuddles/playing games/reading books to go and misbehave.
It has culminated in not having a shower (ok fine, you dont have to, if youre not filthy) but while I was dressing DS she has upended 2 weeks of neatly folded and sorted washing (for 4 people, so a MASSIVE basket, which took me 2 hours to fold and sort) onto the floor, and swam around in it like fricken Scrooge McDuck.
I picked her up and removed her from the room.
DH has taken her straight to bed, and she is screaming her guts out (hes laying in there with her).
Im at a loss. She has missed out on TV cuddles and Boob because frankly Im about to smack or yell at her if this continues.
Any suggestions?

[Butterfly Dawn]

Ohhhh That sounds like a dreadful day. hugs. I think you have been very patient.
Sorry no advice right now, dealing with bedtime- be back later

[Calluna]

Sounds like my house most days. I wish I could help but Im at a complete loss too. He doesnt want my attention. I try and try and try to engage him but he would rather destroy the place and scream at me.
He is slowly improving now, but it has been a long slog and I am the first to admit I have done a pretty rubbish job of keeping my cool most of the time.

Anyway, the point of all that is I understand, and can totally empathise with you. You are definately not alone
Hope it was a once off and tomorrow is a much nicer day.

[trishalishous]

Sounds like my house most days. I wish I could help but Im at a complete loss too. He doesnt want my attention. I try and try and try to engage him but he would rather destroy the place and scream at me.
He is slowly improving now, but it has been a long slog and I am the first to admit I have done a pretty rubbish job of keeping my cool most of the time.

Anyway, the point of all that is I understand, and can totally empathise with you. You are definately not alone
Hope it was a once off and tomorrow is a much nicer day.

This is exactly how it feels lately!

[Calluna]

I have actually said to him "do you like being yelled at?" And he says yes! With a huge grin on his face. Seriously. Its like hes possessed!

[Butterfly Dawn]

Im not sure there is a "fix" unfortunately.
all I've learnt is to try be consistent.
try focus on the good stuff.
breath and have mummy timeouts

it is a stage for most kids. its just hellish while your doing it /living it

[krysalyss]

There are definite times when they are testing you to see where the boundaries to your rules are. Totally normal. Make sure your rules are clear and consistent, relevant and necessary. Give clear consequences and then follow through. You aren't necessarily doing anything wrong but think of it as exploring in a psychological way. How do your rules apply in different situations, and do you mean what you say. It does pass (usually just as you begin to wonder where you really went wrong).

[Arcadia]

Yes I think it's a pretty normal stage. At times like this I always lower my expectations and hold them closer.

So if I would just assume I couldn't cuddle her whole putting ds to sleep and in fact I went through that with dd so we used to walk every day at the same time so ds could sleep (double pram).

I would put things up high again for a while (or in a cupboard in the case of the laundry, or in a closed room)

I would actually try to find a consequence related to the issue, and act immediately (like your play centre example). For us it is sitting on the floor, ie if you hit mummy you get plonked on the floor with a stern no! ( think breastfeeding baby who starts biting). My kids then usually whinge so I immediately say 'do you want to come back up?' And they nod so I say 'show me gentle hands' and they stroke my hand and come back up.

I think you have to be careful about punishment like no tv because its pretty abstract for a child of that age.

[Heaven]

I can feel the frustration in your post Days like that are hard, when you just feel like you're going from one 'incident' to the next and dealing with 'bad' behaviour all day. First, I would have tried to break the cycle and get us all in a better mood. I take them to a big oval near us where they can run around crazy and get all their energy out and there's nothing there they can really hurt. Or put them on the trampoline and tell them to jump their sillies out, LOL. And half the time I make sure I do it too, to change my mood. Tickle them and have us all laughing and smiling. Then we all feel much better.

I try and remember that when one of my girls is having a problem and acting like that that it's because they need something. Maybe they are having problems dealing with an emotion, maybe they need more from me. You said you feel like it's attention seeking so just assume it's that, then I would make sure I was spending more quality time with her. When she does something wrong I would try first acknowledging how she's feeling but then saying that you won't let her do that, i.e. I can see you're feeling frustrated, you really wanted to play with x and I wouldn't let you, but I will not let you hit me, hitting hurts me. Instead of just a 'No', that is more specific, and by using 'I' and acknowledging how she's feeling you're maintaining that connection but still setting boundaries. Because what kids want is to feel connected to you, feel understood, and feel like you are in control and they are safe. I hope that makes sense. Just something you could try xx