Dd is 7 months and I've survived this long by holding onto the hope she would have outgrown being so clingy at bed time
Day naps she only goes to sleep in her rocker in her room but she will do it without me but come night time it's a constant battle she goes to sleep easy enough most nights by either feeding to sleep in bed or being bounced to sleep but I want to be able to put her in bed and have her fall asleep herself but without her crying for hours I tried controlled crying for 1 night and we were both just traumatized
She won't have a bar of dh and will scream and work herself up but she loves him during the day
I'm at my wits end and I can't think straight I want to be able to spend time with dh at night before bed and I need a break so I can work on recovering from PND
I dunno whether I need advice or encouragement but I have every man and his dog telling me I'm creating bad habits but as far as I see it she's just a baby that needs her mummy a bit more and I'm just hanging onto the hope that maybe she will outgrow it soon
Last edited by jellybean88; December 15th, 2013 at 08:41 PM.
I wish I had something helpful to say. But Mr 14 months is still awful. I type this sitting with my arm awkwardly through the bars of his cot, been here 35 minutes... Sigh. Bedsharing gets us through.
I understand how you feel. Its hard, very hard.
I found for my DS I just had to break the bad habits by being firm and consistent with him. I had baby number 3 due soon and couldn't cope anymore. I kind of channelled Supernanny, and just kept putting him back in bed, explaining this was HIS bed and that was MY bed. He cried, I cried, it took a few hours initially, but within a week he was falling asleep and sleeping in his bed again through the night. I finally had some quality personal time with DP. Don't get me wrong, DS still creeps in every few nights or mornings, but we don't often notice, and putting him back in his own bed is usually quite easy
Its going to be hard, but it will be so worth it in the end. Much luck and many sleep vibes. xx
Quite frankly, you don't expect sleep in year 1. Low expectations makes coping easier. Babies don't sleep; they need regular feeding.
My baby is not sleeping through every night still, although he's better than he was with about 1-2 wake-ups every 2-3 nights. He turns 7 in 2 months. You adjust easier when you accept it. Having said that, I would like sleep! It just doesn't always happen.
And Liebling coming into our bed is not a bad habit. He needs Mama. Why have a child to deny him a fundamental need, labelling it a bad habit? Having said that, for the last 3 years he has gone to sleep in his own room on his own every evening and comes in after 5am, often to go back to sleep.
I don't expexct her to sleep through I don't mind waking up at night and I enjoy our morning cuddles when she wakes at for her feed it's just the spending 3 hours every night getting her to go to sleep
My dd has always been a bad sleeper, we have noticed a lot of improvement since she turned 10months- she still wakes 1-3 times overnight and I still bf her to sleep, for naps and when she wakes o/n, but overall she is much better at getting to sleep quickly, going back to sleep herself when she has little wakes overnight and sleeping longer between feeds overnight ( when she was 6 months she was waking 1-2hrly all night)
My sister's baby was the same, 10months was a turning point for her too, he slept through from then and became a lot easier to get down ( he was one that would scream for 3 hrs before bedtime)
Not trying to give false hope just letting you know sometimes time is a cure. Hugs it is so frustrating x
You've just got to do what works for you. My 2.5 year old DD still feeds to sleep every night. It is what I have always found easiest, and most nights she is asleep within the first 5-10 minutes. I did the same with my DS, and when he weaned he started falling asleep on his own really easily, and he is an awesome sleeper now.
Does it take 3 hours of feeding to get her to sleep?
I think getting a clingy baby to self settle is unrealistic. Sure some babies will do it, but that doesn't mean your dd can or should. Can you find a way to spend time with Dh while getting her to sleep? What if he came and lay down with you on the big bed and you breastfed while have some whispered chats with Dh? Or can she just stay up longer with Dh to play with her so you can go for a walk/have a shower/read a book to yourself each night?
Couple time is important but it doesn't have to be every evening. What about scheduling a date night?
I know you asked about sleep, but in my experience relying on a baby and sleep to achieve other things is just a recipe for frustration. I much prefer to plan around it itms?
He feeds to sleep and wakes and goes to sleep and wakes and sleeps and wakes constantly for 3 hours if I put her in her bed she wakes if thes someone else in the room she wakes and if there is any noise or distractions she wakes if I out her in her bed and she wakes she will scream if she is awake and I even walk into her room to put her to bed she will scream
I'm all for getting yourself and bubs through this "stage" the easiest way you can. I would break it down into tiny achievable steps if I was looking for long term change, and address each "issue" separately. Eg use white noise so that sounds in her room don't wake her; slowly wean her off the feeding to sleep as per Pinkys method.... Not sure what you can do about her waking when she goes into her own bed though- maybe introduce a cuddle toy?
7 months is still so young, but if you have PND I agree that you need some down time for you/your relationship. We have an 11 month old (who is sleeping better now than he was at 7 months, just like Saffy's DD) and I have written out a plan that will take a couple of months to hopefully get him self settling (he is currently rocked to sleep). For me, seeing it written down helps. But realistically their sleeping changes so rapidly....... Good luck and go very gently on yourself and DD.
Does she have a big sleep after the unsettled period? Maybe it is her way of cluster feeding to help be full and feel secure for the next part of the night?
I don't know if it would work, but it might be worth trying to start the cluster period earlier, and feed and cuddle and hope that she is able to settle earlier.
I went through it with my kids too, and it was so frustrating never feeling like i had my own time. I don't think you are creating any bad habits, she is so little and she might be a kid that needs more reassurance.
one more suggestion that might be worth it if you just need to take a break, is to head out for a walk or a cuppa once a week and let your dh settle baby. I was reluctant to do this for a very long time ,because i didn't think they could do it, but they did. They worked out their own routine, and just getting out for a bit refreshed and renenergised me.
She will finally go down at 9-10 and sleep till 2-4 come to bed with me and have a feed and then sleep till 6
If dh tries to settle her she screams not just a scream but a horrible scream that sounds like she's being tortured she hyperventilates and will not settle down then as soon as she's handed to me literally within the second she's quiet and closes her eyes
Yes you will. She just needs more time. Look after yourself as best you can in the meantime.
I suggest making things easier for yourself - cuddle/feed/bedshare/whatever works best and means most rest for you. Don't worry about 'habits'. When she's ready, she will naturally and happily transition to sleeping alone.
Yes you will. She just needs more time. Look after yourself as best you can in the meantime.
I suggest making things easier for yourself - cuddle/feed/bedshare/whatever works best and means most rest for you. Don't worry about 'habits'. When she's ready, she will naturally and happily transition to sleeping alone.
What about a comforter? I introduced a pink bunny toy to dd when she was 2 weeks old. I wore it down my top for a few days first and then started placing it in her bassinett, away from her face, but close to her. At about 8 weeks she started facing towards it when she would sleep. Then at about 3 months she would turn her head searching for it and then nuzzle into it and fall asleep. Quite cute actually It takes some time to get them to use it as a comfort, but it worked for us.
No advice here. Dd1 is 2.5 and doesn't sleep through and is cuddled to sleep. She wakes 2-5 times a night. DD2 is 12 months and is fed to sleep, and wakes 2-5 times a night too, and feeds back to sleep for all of those times. I honestly don't care. Sometimes I wish that DD2 wouldn't wake while in trying to watch a movie at night, or that I could have a glass of wine when I wind down, or that when DD2 is unsettled, it didn't take like 2 hours of feeding and cuddling to get her to sleep...but really, we get the most sleep this way. I feed her lying down in bed (she sleeps in our bed) and barely wake up. DH cosleeps in DD1's bed, she hardly wakes when he's in there, but if he comes back to our bed she'll generally wake up looking for him. For us, we know it's not going to last forever, and that they'll make up for the lack of sleep when they're teenagers Resigning to that and not obsessing or worrying about it helps a lot, acceptance makes it easy honestly. This is our life, and that's okay
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Will I ever get sleep
It takes some time to get them to use it as a comfort, but it worked for us.
Resigning to that and not obsessing or worrying about it helps a lot, acceptance makes it easy honestly. This is our life, and that's okay
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