i can understand you are hurt.

But you simply dont have a choice hun. It is her day and if she wants you to wear a cheerleading outfit and do flick flacks down the isle, then you do. - that is what you sign up for when you agreed to be in her wedding. What you want doesnt count, nor should it. It is her day, her day to remember for the rest of her life, her day to have what she wants, whether you think you look good in it or not.
And if she wants you to be apart of preperations, then you are. You can't necessarily make EVERY day she needs you if she is obviously having many days lol but you have an obligation to attend when you can, regardless of how tizzy you consider things to be.
If you think you need straps on your dress, let her know. Perhaps a halter strap can be added to your dress?


sorry - another that has to disagree on this front - your role as bridesmaid is to support the bride - yup - no argument - that DOES NOT mean you have to drop your own standards or be uncomfortable in what you are asked to wear and/or do. a wedding is about the bride and groom, no doubt, that doesn't mean that being asked to be part of the bridal party enslaves you to them for the period of time from when you are asked until the end of the wedding day. it doesn't mean you have to compromise yourself in any way. yes, you can't dictate exactly what you'll wear, but you can sure as hell step up and say sorry, no, i'm not going to wear this, i'm not going to be comfortable, and i think we need to work together to find something that meets with both your likes and my needs clothing wise. i myself would not wear strapless or above the knee - hell no - and if i was TOLD i had to wear it i'd decline to be a part of the bridal party. i have been in more than one bridal party, and have expressed my dislikes clothing wise (short, strapless) and have then allowed the bride to choose a style she liked. in the end we were all happy as i was comfy in the clothes, i wasn't, on the day, working hard to stop my boobs flopping out or trying to hide my "ugly legs" so, shock of shock, i could actually help the bride on the day!

as to the "days" of organising - put your foot down NOW. i was bridesmaid in a wedding 4 years ago in a situation where i was asked to step up and help with some "budget saving" things as the groom got injured and lost his job less than a week after they announced when they were going to get married. i agreed - i considered the bride a friend. bad idea - i was used sooooo badly. i paid for a lot of stuff on the proviso i'd get the money back (hasn't happened) - and in fact i not only paid for this stuff, i ended up paying a couple of their bills i still haven't gotten back (and never will now). i ended up doing invitations, place cards, books for the day, guest gifts etc. i even wrote the bulk of their damn ceremony! i made myself available to them as i thought that's what a bridesmaid is supposed to do - but it isn't - i got used and abused and barely even got a thankyou. yes, helping to keep the bride calm on the day is your job. taking the stresses off the bride in the lead up (like making sure she remembers everything) - sure, your job. catering to the itty bitty little details of HER wedding - hell no!!! if she wants all the fancy smancy stuff, it is HER responsibility - she has a hell of a long time to do it between now and October (trust me, i had all the trimmings, and did them all with no help in less than three months!)

i too would (and did) take offence at being demoted from chief bridesmaid/MOH just for partnering purposes. it's a load of crap! how much time do you really spend with your "partner"? on our wedding day, my SIL was MOH, and one of my friends the other attendant. my bro (SIL's partner) was an attendant, and best man was one of DH's friends. it didn't make any difference! i was demoted from chief bridesmaid at the above wedding so that the brides future DIL could be put in that role. she did nothing at all. i don't believe that choosing your bridal party for who they will be partnered with is a good move - i think you need to choose your bridal party for the support they will offer.

i can't entirely whinge about being demoted as i was partnered with the man who has since become my DH - but i think we would have hooked up anyway. i did have a problem being asked to be the ONLY attendant and then being demoted so that someone else could fly in three days before the wedding, i could make her dress on her arrival, and she could get to have all the "credit" of being the chief bridesmaid....