Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 18 of 55

Thread: Bridesmaids Dress - an awful one :( i'm the bridesmaid

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Somewhere Over The Rainbow
    Posts
    3,094

    Default Bridesmaids Dress - an awful one :( i'm the bridesmaid

    To cut a long story short

    A beautiful gorgeous friend of mine asked me to be her matron of honour. I was so thrilled, so happy - this was late last year, wedding is this september.



    I have now been demoted to bridesmaid as her sister's brother is the best man and she wants to have them together as partners. Not the end of the world, hurt me quite alot, but I wouldnt let that ruin her wedding, so I said ok no probs, just want her to be happy.

    But the dress she wants us to wear is AWFUL. No straps (hello I need straps!) and ABOVE the knee. Ladies, my knees have not seen daylight since I was 13 (seriously). My legs just arent soemthing you would want in your wedding photos. And she found some shoes - $20!!! I will be crippled!!

    Her sisters form the rest of the bridal party and well..... they havent exactly got above knee style legs either!

    For our own wedding we didnt want any crap - tizzyness IYKWIM - but it sounds like there will be plenty - days to get the bonbomeirre (however you spell it) ready, days to do thsi and that - i really cant stand any of it.

    I guess I am more cut about being demoted. Thsi is coming out like I am angry but i''m not, i am sad and i dont really want to be part of the wedding anymore.

    How can i bow out of it nicely without hurting my friend? Any suggestions?

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Sunny Qld
    Posts
    14,683

    Default

    URrgggh tricky.

    Can you just suck it up and put on your best face and do it cos its just one day? Express some milk and get drunk or something, just to get some benefit out of it

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Ever so slowly going crazy...
    Posts
    2,268

    Default

    If you really want out, tell her your TTC!!!

    But yeah, for one day, I'd just go with the flow..... get some pampering, spray tan, and lots of champagne!!!

  4. #4

    Default

    Ooooh, I feel your pain Cat, I have hideous legs (not being hard on myself, just a fact of life) and I'd pretty much refuse to wear a dress above the knees for anyone!

    I don't know if pulling out is the right thing to do, but perhaps talk to her about how uncomfortable you will be in the dress all day and maybe suggest if that's going to cause her issues that you step down?

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    1,612

    Default

    Oh hun....

    You have every right to be cut, it was way harsh of her to demote you simply because she wanted another couple to be partners! The groomsman played no bearing on who i picked to be my moh and bridesmaid. Sounds to me like you have a case of Bridezilla on your hands.

    Have the dresses been bought already??? I would just be honest and tell her you hate the dress, and cannot/will not wear anything strapless and above the knee. Let her know your reasons, and if she is a true friend, she will understand, and hopefully compromise and find a dress to suit you.

    In regards to the days doing this and that, simply tell her you cant attend, or go for an hour or 2, you have other commitments, and she should respect that.

    HTH

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Edens Landing, Yes its actually a place
    Posts
    147

    Default

    I don't think there is any nice way to pull out. If you feel that strongly about the issue you will just have to do it, like pulling off a band-aid. But I fear it will probably end the freindship if you do.

    Have you spoken to the other bridesmaids? Do they feel the same about the dress?

    Maybe you can all comprimise on lengthening the dress to just below the knee (classier anyway-no matter what knid of legs you have) and adding some kind of shoulder wrap or some of those invisible spaghetti strap things at least.

    Or like some of the other suggestions; Get drunk and grin through the day even though you might be hating every second.
    Last edited by Leonie P; April 1st, 2009 at 01:59 PM.

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Somewhere Over The Rainbow
    Posts
    3,094

    Default

    thanks guys

    i just feel down being demoted like that. the vindictive little me sitting on my shoulder is telling me to ask her if its ok to demote her from being godmother (which i asked of her on her 30th bday). it hurts.

    the other bridesmaids are all sisters and they like the dress. Its being made and we have our furst fitting in june. might have to voice my opinion then. i hope she will let us have a wrap too.

    eta - fingers crossed i wil still be breastfeeding, but if i wasnt i dont thin i could et drunk - couldnt walk in the shoes LOL!!
    Last edited by Kitt3n; April 1st, 2009 at 02:00 PM.

  8. #8

    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Rural NSW
    Posts
    6,975

    Default

    Oh dear, I'm like Willow and never wear 'above the knee' dresses either... I seriously would feel extremely uncomfortable about it.

    What I would do would calmly and tactfully speak to the Bride about my concerns and discomfort a.s.a.p. I would not get emotional. I then would see how she responds. Everything would hinge on how she responds. If she dismisses my concerns and doesn't seem to care then I would go on to politely and calmly relinquish my role. If she was understanding and suggested a good compromise I would naturally stay

    Don't be afraid to raise this with her. I know it will be tricky... but you have a valid concern... have confidence that you are not being unreasonable... and raise it with her. If she "cracks it" then you will probably do best to get out of the whole thing because I think it would be one thing after another.

    Good luck

  9. #9

    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    1,612

    Default

    If the dress is being tailor made for you, then definitely add some straps and length like Leonie said, it really shouldnt be that difficult. I would bring it up at the dress fitting, like you said, maybe even suggest it to the dress maker, something like, "I really feel unsupported in this dress, do you think straps would work?"

    And if her standards are anything to go by, if her DF isnt the godfather, then by all rights you should be able to demote her from being godmother

  10. #10

    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Sunny Qld
    Posts
    14,683

    Default

    Aww Cat, if I ever get married again (and nope no planning it - but you never know!) you can be my MOH and wear whatever dress you want.

    As long as it was black.

    And wear doc martens.

    LOL

  11. #11

    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Edens Landing, Yes its actually a place
    Posts
    147

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Manhattan View Post
    If the dress is being tailor made for you, then definitely add some straps and length like Leonie said, it really shouldnt be that difficult. I would bring it up at the dress fitting, like you said, maybe even suggest it to the dress maker, something like, "I really feel unsupported in this dress, do you think straps would work?"

    And if her standards are anything to go by, if her DF isnt the godfather, then by all rights you should be able to demote her from being godmother
    U R a sick puppy

  12. #12

    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Victoria
    Posts
    7,260

    Default

    i can understand you are hurt.

    But you simply dont have a choice hun. It is her day and if she wants you to wear a cheerleading outfit and do flick flacks down the isle, then you do. - that is what you sign up for when you agreed to be in her wedding. What you want doesnt count, nor should it. It is her day, her day to remember for the rest of her life, her day to have what she wants, whether you think you look good in it or not.
    And if she wants you to be apart of preperations, then you are. You can't necessarily make EVERY day she needs you if she is obviously having many days lol but you have an obligation to attend when you can, regardless of how tizzy you consider things to be.
    If you think you need straps on your dress, let her know. Perhaps a halter strap can be added to your dress?
    I had a bridesmaid who refused to wear strapless, even though there was no reason (she doesnt have massive boobs, isnt fat or anything...) But I told her she can wear what she is given or she can sod off. She wore the strapless, loved it and looked fabulous.
    Keep an open mind and hang in there, you are doing something special for a special person, you dont have to like the decisions she makes, but you need to support her and remember the commitment you make to her. jmo though! lol


  13. #13

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    South Eastern Suburbs, Vic
    Posts
    6,054

    Default

    That's hard. I think the role of a bridesmaid is to support the bride (of course, the bride is supposed to be reasonable though), so if you feel you can't support her, then I'd step down.
    Talk to the bride though, and be willing to negotiate - can you have your dress on the knee? I can understand her not wanting you to look too different from the others. Can you point out the reasons you want/need straps and see if you can even use those invisible ones?

    Wishing you all the best, and hoping things work out well for both of you.

  14. #14

    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Brissy
    Posts
    2,208

    Default

    I reckon just talk to her - I know if it was me Id be really hurt that my bridesmaid didnt tell me how she really felt!

  15. #15

    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Melbourne, Vic
    Posts
    618

    Default

    you could always try on a horrid strapless above knee dress somewhere and take a picture and show her WHY u think it would be better to make them with straps and just below the knee

  16. #16

    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Boyne Island
    Posts
    6,327

    Default

    I would just say I am not comfortable wearing a dress like this.. what if I got a dress with thin straps and below the knee but was still very similar

    Or get yourself pregnant (was actually an accident) and avoid being bridesmaid altogether hahah.. Thats hw I got out of my most hideous bridesmaid dress

  17. #17

    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Bunbury, Western Australia
    Posts
    3,963

    Default

    Well, i'm all for confort. If you're not confortable the days gonna draaaaaaaaag.

    I'm in the middle of planning my wedding for Oct and I've told my bridesmaid to pick her own dress out, so long as it's a dark purple colour.

    Perhaps when you get the fitting you can ask if her if your dress can be made a little longer to cover your knees? And get little spaghetti straps? I've been to weddings where the bridesmaids have worn all the same colour but each dress has been a different style to suit different figures/personalities and it is really affective.

    LimeSlice
    But you simply dont have a choice hun. It is her day and if she wants you to wear a cheerleading outfit and do flick flacks down the isle, then you do. - that is what you sign up for when you agreed to be in her wedding. What you want doesnt count, nor should it. It is her day, her day to remember for the rest of her life, her day to have what she wants, whether you think you look good in it or not.
    Yes, but then on the other hand I'm sure her friend doesn't want her in photos looking awkward and uncomfortable either... I know I would rather my friend look happy in a dress she likes wearing and have some fun with me on the day rather than being worried and uncomfortable.

  18. #18

    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Country Victoria
    Posts
    1,991

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by LimeSlice View Post
    But you simply dont have a choice hun. It is her day and if she wants you to wear a cheerleading outfit and do flick flacks down the isle, then you do. - that is what you sign up for when you agreed to be in her wedding.

    I do not agree sorry. I do not believe that anyone should be made to feel uncomfortable no matter what the reason...

    This is why I did not have a bridal party, I did not want the worries. However I would like to think that if I did then they could come to me and tell me how they truly feel, I would hate to find out later that someone felt uncomfortable all day and night just because they wanted to keep me happy by going with my choice.

    I think that if you explain to her that you do not feel comfortable and the reasons I would hope she would understand. Also does she have kids? ever breastfed? maybe she does not realise the requirements for holding up post baby/BF boobies .

    Also, I have heard this happening so many times, people asking others to play important parts in special days only to change their mind, this is wrong! Why ask if you have not completely decided that that is what you truly want... grrr! You have a right to feel angry and hurt hun

Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •