35 weeks and 1 day

[~StarBright~]

Hi samcougar...

I am so sad to hear that your Little Angel Riley has flown to the Angels

I got the biggest shivers all over my body when reading about your butterfly- i am even getting them again now just thinking about it- i know for sure that was your little man making a connection with you.

I have two Angel Children- Darren (18weeks) and Zahra(34 weeks 5 days)- and butterflies are my symbol for my son as well- after i lost him i would see them everywhere- they would fly around my car as i drove and when i find mself thinking about Darren- sure enough a butterfly is never far away.

I agree- you will need to very strong to go back to work so soon- and i would almost recomend you dont- even though i know all to well how hard it is to be home alone- i also know what it is like to try and go to work in a very public place. I was working in a pub when i lost Zahra- and i went back to work about three months later and customers- though the mean well will break your heart.

I had the problem of some of my customers not knowing what had happened.

The would approach me with the best of intentions asking me how the baby was- did i have a boy or girl? How am i enjoying motherhood? And that was sooooo hard to handle. I lost count of how many times a day i had to tell someone that my baby had died. And then continue on with my shift with tears welling and attempt to be friendly and serve more cutomers.

I dont mean to scare you- but no matter how many people you think may know and no matter how small the supermarket- i can almost gaurantee that this will happen to you and i know how dificult it will be for you- and i just think you should be prepared and maybe take it one day at a time- if your employers are understanding that will be a huge help- but just make sure you have the freedom to be able to say "im sorry i have had enough today i am going home"

I didnt spend alot of time with my angels either- with Darren i didnt see him at all- he was born with the sac intatct- and i have a photo of him that the midwives took, but thats all. and with Zahra i had an emergency c section and was very out of it for some time- i did spend some time with her- but looking back not as much as i would have liked- but at the time it was enough as like you all i could do was cry
Try not to feel bad about not saying all that you wanted to, Riley knows how much you love him and wanted him and would have cared for him- and you can still show him that by remembering him- and visiting his grave often and talking to him still. He will always live in your heart and be a part of your life forever- and he chose you to be his mummy- and he knows that you miss him and love him.

I am rambling now and crying just thinking of you- if you ever want to talk please dont hesitate to pm me.

I am so sorry that you came home from hospital with empty arms- it is one of the hardest thing you will ever do in your life oxox

Goodbye Riley- May the Angel Babies Welcome you with love

Take Care
StarBright
xoxox

[Visitor8]

oh hun. Hugs to you both. How tragic

RIP angel Riley

[krisp]

I have tears streaming from my face. I can't even begin to imagine the heart ache. I'm so terribly sad for you, I don't know what else to say.

[BabyButterfly]

hi

So sorry to hear about your story, it is the worst thing a mother could imagine. Riley was a beautiful little boy and will always be with you in your heart and in your thoughts.
I had my daughter Milana at 41 weeks, she was with us for 43 too short hours, just to let you know I empathise and know exactly how you feel, you are in my thoughts.
Try and do things to remember your son now, it really helps me with the grief over Milana.
I visit the grave often, I write poetry for her, paint pictures, write in a journal, am about to start a scrapbook with pictures thoughts and feelings in it, have had a piccie names in the sand (google it) done, and am in the process of collecting teddy bears in memory of her (google - bears of hope or teddy love club). I also have had a locket made with a butterfly on and am having her name put on the back, I will keep a lock of hair in it.
My daughter is also known as the butterfly, everything I do for her is connected to butterflys, here is the poem I have for her, I printed this out for her funeral, you can use it if you want, just change the 'she's to 'he's', hope you like it.

The Butterfly
They had her there, resting on the palm of their hands for a while.
She was all they ever wanted.
Sometimes her wings were closed.
Motionless.

At other times, in their dreams, she spread her wings open in the bright sunshine,
displaying her colourful patterns.
They truly loved her.
She knew that.

They told her she was special and beautiful, they saw the beauty.
They appreciated her true colours.
But they couldn't keep her.
They knew that.

She was born to fly.

She had been beautiful in their hands, but in flight she soared.
In the garden amongst the colourful, sweet-fragranced flowers.
Her habitat.
Free.

In letting her go, they made her happy.
But she would always have their warmth and love.
Always and forever.
For all of eternity.

or there is this one, that I am hoping to put on the grave stone:

A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam,
and for a brief moment,
its glory and beauty belong to our world.
But then it flies on again,
and though we wish it could have stayed,
we feel lucky to have seen it at all.

Please be kind to yourself and contact us whenever you feel the need, if you would like to talk, just post a message on this thread and I will briefly post my email address on here, as I realise you are unable to pm anyone at the moment, as you only have a new account.

Thinking of you and your gorgeous little buttefly Riley.

[mytwinangels]

Hi Tracey

I had read your posts about the teddy bears for Teddy Love Club. That is wonderful that you are collecting bears for us thank you. Your bears in meory of your baby will reach out to many families. The program has grown incredibly since I first stated it in 2002. We run the program in many hospitals across the whole of Australia.

We also are not associated with any other bear giving program that you mentioned.

We have the latest edition newspaper avilable to be downloaded form the TLC website.

Warm wishes,
Trudi