As everyone else said, do whatever you have to to get through. Don't have any expectations of yourself, just go with it.
The only thing I would add to that - when my best friend lost her twins, she kept the service very small so she could grieve how she needed to without any people who just turned out to spectate. She also didn't have the coffin at the funeral service ... she couldn't bear sitting there staring at the coffin. She had a private farewell with her and her DH beforehand and just had two teddy bears at the front of the church for the service. It was beautiful. It was so very very sad, but it was beautiful and she was able to react how she needed to and everyone there was able to support her through it as best we could.
Everyone is completly different in what they want and need from their farewell service and nothing is going to make it better but I guess my point is that there is no right or wrong way to have the service either. If you need or don't need certain people there - this is about you, your DP and Hayley - do what you need to do to get through.
Sending you much love. I am thinking of you and praying for so much strength for you at the moment
As the others have said - you don't need to be anything except for yourself. If you need to break down or be strong or grieve openly or privately then do what you need to do. Everybody is there (and here) to support you and your DP. They will all be grieving in their own way and supporting you in yours.
Everyone is different and you just do what feels right for you.
My stepbrother and his gf had a small funeral for their son born 30-something weeks. It was just family. It was heartbreaking for me to see the coffin, I cannot imagine what it was like for them (or anyone else for that matter). I had only met the gf a few times, and I cried. The gf had written a poem to read, read a few lines and just broke down, said "I can't" and apologized. Stepbrother took over... But there was no need to apologize. No one judged her coz inwardly or outwardly they felt similarly for their loss.
They had a balloon release after the service to celebrate his life.
Saturday is for the life you and your partner created, and no one else. Go with how your feeling and forget how you may think other people will react to your grief.
HUn, i spent Zahra's entire service curled up on DH's lap sobbing. We had the person from the funeral home read a few things and we played some music and i just cried. DH made Zahra's coffin, so it wasnt a shock for us to see it, we laid some gifts in there for her, photos, toys, teddy's. DH just held me till it was over, and i didnt wantto leave the room coz i knew once i did that it was over
We then went to pub and i got quite drunk.. not saying thats the best thing to do by any means, but it sure helped me that day. Jack Daniels was my friend.
Saturday will be hard no matter what you do or how you do it... just remember there are no rules, you can cry as much or as little as you need to, and anyone who is there, is there for you , your DP and your beautiful Hayley.. And no one will judge how you react. xxoo
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