Huge

As everyone else said, do whatever you have to to get through. Don't have any expectations of yourself, just go with it.

The only thing I would add to that - when my best friend lost her twins, she kept the service very small so she could grieve how she needed to without any people who just turned out to spectate. She also didn't have the coffin at the funeral service ... she couldn't bear sitting there staring at the coffin. She had a private farewell with her and her DH beforehand and just had two teddy bears at the front of the church for the service. It was beautiful. It was so very very sad, but it was beautiful and she was able to react how she needed to and everyone there was able to support her through it as best we could.

Everyone is completly different in what they want and need from their farewell service and nothing is going to make it better but I guess my point is that there is no right or wrong way to have the service either. If you need or don't need certain people there - this is about you, your DP and Hayley - do what you need to do to get through.

Sending you much love. I am thinking of you and praying for so much strength for you at the moment