Feeling so angry today

[chody47]

Oh Sarahrach, I'm so sorry to hear your news. I didn't realise that you had lost your boys. I'm sorry that I don't have any advice on TTTS but I just wanted you to know I am thinking of you. Take care of yourself.

[sarahrach]

Thanks Dory and Chody - I appreciate your words. This forum is the first place I go every morning, and its your words that make each day easier to bear.

We brought the boys ashes home last night, it was very bittersweet. I feel comforted knowing they are with us now, it felt very surreal when we were seperated. In regards to memoralising them I've got a few ideas but I'm still unsure. I'm getting a picture drawn of them that will sit on our family shelf with their ashes, and I think I'm going to plant a tree, but I've not figured out what type yet. It would be nice to see something grow and live if you know what I mean.

I've moved passed being angry now - just very sad and will probably always feel let down by the system.

[sarahrach]

Dory - I meant to say I'd love to hear about tribute ideas that helped you. Just doing something to remember makes me feel connected to my babies.

[Angel Babies 3]

I agree, I also think there should be more info. If for no other reason than to help prepare you if the worst should happen. I went through so many highs and lows at that time and felt quite isolated. I wish I could have been in contact with other mums who had gone though, regardless of whether their outcomes were good or bad. Having said that, I guess they don't want to stress you anymore than you already are at the time. The simple answer is, there is no good thing about losing a baby no matter how or why.

Love and hugs to you,

Deb

[blessedatlast]

I don't know much about TTTS either, but I know the pain of losing beautiful twin boys.. Take care and know that you, your family and your beautiful son's are being thought of.. I am sure you will find many beautiful ways to remember them..

[dory]

Sarahrach - how are you doing today? One of the ironic things about the grief journey after the death of your babies, is just how unpredictable it can be. I thought I was doing ok, but then I read about somone who had just experienced an extremely premature birth and the death of their baby, and in an instant I was back reliving my own experiences.... even more than a year on.

So I guess I am trying to say, expect variable days..

Ok here a few of the memorial ideas I found most helpful - To Write Their Names in the Sand, Say it with Flowers Rory's Garden, Waterfall Angels - these sites use your darling boys names to take wonderful tribute photos. There are also others - say for instance names written on sea shells, or on the pavement in coloured chalk, or with coloured stones or computer generated written in the stars or clouds. There are also sites where you can request jewellery be made, or candles. I will have to send you these links after I go though my list. To Write Their Names in the Sand is run by Carly a bereaved mother, whose dream about her son Christian became the inspiration for her beautiful photos - she has also expanded her repetoire, so you might like some of her other ideas.

Thinking of you today.

[sarahrach]

Hi Dory - I'm doing ok today. I can see what you mean about the ups and downs. It helps to talk about my babies and I'm getting pretty involved in advocating how identical twin pregnancies are managed from an OB perspective through to putting together a information sheet for parents when they find out they are having identicals. I'm hoping once that's complete websites such as Belly Belly will consider putting it up as a sticky so at least there is a point of reference moving forward.

I've made contact with The Royal College of Aust and NZ Obstetricians and Gynecologists and they have no standard practice for how OBs should manage these pregnancies including recommendations on frequency of scans. They have now added this to their agenda for the next meeting in November. So hopefully something may come from that.

Your memorial ideas are beautiful, I will Google and perhaps will find something in that list that will bring comfort.

Blest - honey, oh my goodness. I read your story, you sound like one of the strongest women ever. It helped me so much to read your words, some of which I've been thinking also. So thank you for being so strong for writing that and making it available to people like me.