I told mum I wasnt doing christmas this year, it's going to be hard enough to get through without having to see her hugely pregnant, and seeing the other two who blatantly disrespected me. She said you'll be ok you'll be pregnant by then and everyone will be friends again. I keep telling her she's wring but she doesn't get it.
All my step sister needed to say was I'm sorry I didn't tell u myself I understand if u need to take a step back. If she had of said that I would have seen her again, it would have been hard, and it would have hurt but I still would have done it, not now though
Skybie that sounds terrible. I don't blame you 1 bit for not doing xmas. It's hard enough as it is after losing a baby without dealing with immature crap like that! I'm sorry you have been treated this way. A little understanding could have gone a long way on their part. Not very nice at all..
Hugs Skye.
It sucks, it really does and i 100% get you not wanting to do christmas ect, i kinda know.
my situation was different but it was still hard My SIL was already pregnant when i got pregnant But she had the most gorgeous baby belly and i was facing my first christmas with out Kyarna. Nothing anyone says will make it any easier, nothing anyone will do can make it any easier now. They way they reacted was wrong and very childish. As much as it hurts really bad, its only your world that stopped the day jack was born and everyone else carrys on. You never know how these kinds of things effect a angel mummy until you yourself become one xxxx
oh sky its the last thing you need at the moment and as if all this goes away if you are pregnant again by xmas......gee i know child loss is a hard thing for people to deal with but it really only takes a little thought or consideration on their part!
I'm so sorry Skybie that they are being so immature and hurtful. I wouldn't be wasting any energy on them hun, you are still grieving and it's just HARD enough without this cra*. Always remember to look after yourself first hun and don't worry about the others. Huge hugs babe
Wow @ her reply to you.... I can't believe that someone would say such a thing. You don't need to have lost a baby to know that that is really mean and nasty. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. xoxo
Bobbie - so true , you just never really understand it until you've walked the bereaved parent path, and you just never know how you're going to be affected, until you are in the thick of it. Sometimes the most obvious things don't even affect me but the left field ones do.
Sky - wow, it just gets worse for you in terms of insensitive comments in your family..... for christmas 2009 DH and I I spent it at home with our fur babies and angel babies, just our little family. Nothing from the outside at all - no calls, no presents from other people. Just us and our broken hearts. It was just what we needed. Do what you need to do. If people don't understand, then big fat raspberries to them. I have taken a step back from a few people who just weren't able to be considerate of my feelings. And there are others that I just can't take a step back from and consequently, because I haven't, I let them hurt me time and time again. But I make that choice.
I think your decision to take a step back is the best one for you right now. People deal with situations differently and I believe you know what is best for you. So walk away for awhile and only surround yourself with those that give you the love and support you deserve. It's hard because it is family but it may be the wake up call they deserve, and if it doesn't wake them up then you are a stronger person for the experience.
Hope you feel better soon!
My SIL is 33 weeks pregnant and we're spending Christmas with them this year.
I dont want to go at all now but our girls are so looking forward to it that it break their little hearts if I said we were'nt going.
So I guess I'm going to have to suck it up and deal with it. I know the issue is mine and not her's but it still hurts and will only be just oer 4 weeks since Reid's passing when we get down there.
It makes it worse that in my opinion, she doesn't even want the baby. The family didn't find out until about 5 weeks ago that she was even pregnant. She kept it a secret that whole time but told friends. Her poor mother found out through "town gossip". And she's even drinking and smoking dail whilst pregnant.
Its fu**ed up that people like me, who cherish the life inside them, have to go through the hell I''m going through now whilst she's abusing her baby already. No respect at all.
Sara, I'm sorry to hear about Reid. I imagine it's a roller coaster for you at the moment. Can you shorten the amount of time you spend there on the day?
I hope you have lovely Christmas with your girls & that with love & support you get through this tough time xx
Sara can u send the kids off with DP and say you're not up for it? christmas will be hard to get through anyway.
FWIW i still havent seen or spoken to SIL
big hugs gorgeous xxx
Hi everyone, I don't usually post here - but I do lurk around a bit for advice etc, a friend recently had a stillborn born boy so I've been unsure how to behave around her as I am TTC, which she knows about. I just had to comment on this thread. If it offends/upsets anyone please let me know and I will remove it.
skybie, I'm really sorry how your step sister & brother are behaving. There are no words. Grown adults just don't behave like that, especially to someone who is grieving! I don't have any advice for you hun.
But I do have to agree with Little_mrs wholeheartdly, and she probably put it better than I will, but here goes. I am definitely not saying you deserve how they have treated you - IMO they are absoloute rubbish and you are better off without them. However, coming from the other side of the fence (this is very hard to word, I do mean this in the nicest way possible), you cannot be expecting other people to put their life plans on hold because you lost your son.
From my perspective - above mentioned friend who lost her son is upset at me for TTC, in her words "how dare you have a baby when I've just lost mine! You are so selfish" :| I really just do not know how to react to that. DH and I originally started trying in January, but an operation set us back... I want a baby more than anything, why should I not have a baby just to not upset her? That is really unfair and is putting a lot of strain on our friendship. I understand you wanted to hear about her preg from her, but your OP says "2 months, thats all he'd been gone for before they started trying. im hurt beyond belief." - the pain will never go away for you, but when would have you given her permission to have a baby? What right do you have to tell her when she can or cannot have a baby? That's how I would feel in her shoes (of course I wouldn't react how she did).
it was just a shock how quickly they did it, given we were very close. lke i said, i dont expect anyone to put their plans on hold because of me, but a bit of warning would have been nice. im not saying it would have been easier but atleast the shock factor wouldnt have been there. it would have taken a while to accept, but im sure i would have eventually, but given how ive been treated by them since i havent and wont have anything to do with them again.
im sorry you're in a similar situation and your friend will becoming more accepting of it in time, but for the moment its like a kick in the guts and u saying to her, look what i have and you dont. im not saying that IS what you're saying because of course you're not, thats just what it feels like
Yeah I can understand the shock. But were they trying when you were still pregant? Or was it like they decided to almost 'replace' your son? Would you have preferred they have told you they were TTC?
Sorry I just got the same vibes from your OP that I got from my friend. I agree though to distance yourself from them, I would excpect my friend to do the same if I acted like such a pig! Though, she's known we've been TTC since day one, so I'm not sure what she would expect to happen. She actually wants me to stop TTC until she's ok with :| like, what the?
I think with the whole "look what I have and you don't" is probably why she didn't tell you herself.
I can't imagine how it would feel to not hold your baby in your arms. I'm so sorry. It's hard enough TTC for ages and seeing all of your friends around you having babies
LN: I think all skybie is trying to say is they made a bad situation worse by not showing her any respect. Nothing could have made it ok but just them thinking of her for a second would have made the situations much better.
I totally understand.... I'm the 'oldest' sister in my family and my beautiful sister has two children... I love her and the kids, but it was still hard. ALL of my friends have kids, and being newly married, the "when are you having children" conversations are starting to arise. People don't know we have been trying for 3 years, but in the end, all I can do is be happy for them. So far (touch wood) I haven't had anyone be sneaky or nasty about their own pregnancies towards me.
I've managed to stay calm, and love them and their situation. I know my circumstances are totally different you will get through this current journey before you know it. love these children and one day your very own prayers will be answered.
The only time I've ever been pregnant, I lost the baby at 5 weeks, and I know that isn't the same. I'm not beginning to claim I can walk in anyone elses shoes, but know this, you can get through whatever is thrown at you. Don't worry about other people and their reactions. If they want to carry on like pork chops, you don't need that. Make room and time for love in your life. That's all you need.
I hope so badly you get what you want out of life over the many decades to come. In the mean time, stay strong and focused on your family! Rise above (like you know you can) the other crap, it isn't worth your pain.
You are worthy of enjoying christmas and all it brings.
Take care x
Last edited by kimmi; December 1st, 2011 at 08:05 PM.
Whilst I can clearly see both sides of the story, I can defiantely sympathise with where Skye has come from.
I dont nessesarily see it as "rubbing it in ones face" but I can definately see how it would hurt. Especially if you knew someone was deliberately keeping it secret.
Right now, I have my SIL, my Cousins Wife and a friend who are pregnant. The close friend is due the same day Reid was due.
I've chosen to be happy for these people but to distance myself from them until I can better emotionally deal with it.
I think if you take responsibility for your own feeling and take action to avoid situations thats going to make you feel like $hit then your doing everyone a favour.
LN - Without wanting to make it sound *****y or anything, unless you've experienced the loss of a baby, its really hard to understand the emotions that come with it. I myself feel very much similar to Skye. Seeing other peoples bellys and babies and pregnancies is torture. But again, taking what I've said above and using that is probably a better way to deal with it. Keep in mind that this thread was created when Skye was still in the deep of her grief. Hopefully in time, your friend will come around and realise that she was grieving and that she may have went about things the wrong way. Hopefully. All the best on your TTC journey.
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks