I should have brought her home yesterday

[MumtoA]

My baby was stillborn this week. I was 39 weeks. She is my second daughter and I miss her. I don't have anything else to say just that I am sad, then fine, then sad, then fine and then sad again. Any advice on anything especially how you talk to a toddler about it all will be appreciated. Xo

[BrightSparkles]

no advice. just loads of hugs. very sorry for your loss. xxx

[Joeve]

Oh sweetie I am so sorry hugs xx

[diannescruffy]

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Regards,
Dianne

[~TT40~]

=( *massive hugs* sorry to hear about your loss.

[MrsFabuloso]

Congratulations on your daughter, and I'm so sorry for your loss of her Although I haven't experienced such a loss with a toddler, I would say that it would be good for you to accept any offers of help you can. For you to rest and recuperate physically and to go gently. Be patient, grieve, be angry feel what ever you feel don't try to 'cope', itms.
You will learn to live life the way that it is now, but it will take time to learn how.

[blessedatlast]

MumtoA - My heart goes out to you, I'm so sorry you didn't get to bring your precious daughter home. The waves of grief you are feeling are very normal. I lost 2 boys neary 4 years ago and I still have the waves of grief. As for talking to a toddler about death, I'm not really sure what to advise. My partner had a 4 year old we had to explain the twins death too. We just explained that they had died and now they are living in the stars. We pointed out the stars and said that they were watching over us. He was older than a toddler and could understand a bit more.. There is a book called "We were gonna have a baby, but we had an angel instead". I have never read it, but maybe it's worth looking at.

I hope you have lots of support around you as you go through this difficult time. Don't have high expectations of yourself, just do what feels right as you grieve your daughter

[AnyDream]

I'm so sorry to hear your precious daughter has passed. My condolences to you and all your family at this devastating time.

[TeniBear]

I'm so sorry to hear this. No-one should ever have to walk this path so many of us have been forced along.

Congratulations on your daughter's birth, I'm sure she's absolutely beautiful Fly free and play among soft clouds and paint with rainbows, darling girl...

I'll second/third "We were going to have a baby but we had an angel instead". I read it in my quest to find a book to explain baby death to future children, and it's perfect for this who already had children before the loss of their baby. If you go on to have more children, there's a book called "Someone came before you" that suits that situation

Go gently, we're all here for you.

[kateo]

I am so sorry to hear you lost your baby girl. I hope you had a chance to hold her and gaze at her beauty.
We lost Ellen at 41 weeks and in some way I understand how devestated you must be at the moment.
I found breathing and actually surviving took all my energy at this early stage.
Only do what you can and try not to expect too much of yourself or those closest to you.
Expect things to change.
It's just awful welcoming people to this horrible club of parents who have lost their precious babies.
If you can get in touch with a Sids group near you
go gently
Kate

[MumtoA]

Thank you for all your kind words. Had a massive howl last night which always makes me feel better for a good few hours
Thank you for the recommendation of the book, a friend actually gave it to me so I will read it to her...she is a very switched on 2 year old and asking lots of questions. It is very hard for her as mummy doesn't have a baby in her tummy, yet the baby isn't home either
We had 5 days to be with her which was good, lots of pictures, mementos made and family were able to meet her. Doesn't make it better but helps a little
Xoxo

[blessedatlast]

Glad to hear you spent some time with your baby and family got to meet her. If you feel like sharing your experience I'd love to hear about her. Only if you want to though. Some people are talkers (me) others aren't.. Just do what you feel comfortable with. Thinking of you and your family

[bubsy]

I'm so very sorry for your loss GBH to u and your family x

[MumtoA]

Glad to hear you spent some time with your baby and family got to meet her. If you feel like sharing your experience I'd love to hear about her. Only if you want to though. Some people are talkers (me) others aren't.. Just do what you feel comfortable with. Thinking of you and your family

Blessedatlast - i to am a talker, makes me feel so much better. she was so gorgeous - looked just like her sister, so much alike actually that it would be hard to tell them apart if you didnt know the difference. i was due to have her on the 16.10 and early hours of the 15.10 i decided i wasnt comfotable with how little movement i had been feeling so went to the hospital about 2am. The midwives couldn't find a heartbeat and decided to call my ob - i think they already knew that she was gone. My ob was fantastic and confirmed with a scan straight away that she was gone. He and the miwives were crying and strangely that was comforting rather than it being so clinical and stale. I decided to come home to be with family and talk to my daughter (as best you can with a 2 year old) about what was going on. I had her that evening. I feel like we did everything possible to preserve her memory and while i am so destroyed by all of this i know there is no way that we will ever forget her and hope that her big sister and any of her other siblings will now have a peice of her forever.

[Kazzo]

I am deeply saddened to hear of your precious daughter becoming an angel.

[nel1574]

I am so very sorry for your loss, it is just so awful. I lost my first baby at 26 weeks, he would be 21 this year. Never feel like you have to be strong, or you have to keep it all inside. Cry and yell as much as you like. I'm now pregnant with my 5th baby and every pregnancy gives me the crazies. Remember that you are not alone and it has happened to other people, without any reason or explanation. I wish you all the best in love and healing xx

[Footsteps]

I'm so sorry to hear that princess Anastasia was to precious for this world huni. Huge hugs and support from us all. Xxx

[ButterflyForever]

Hi MumtoA,
Sorry to have to meet you under these circumstances. The other ladies have all given great advice.
It is a long hard road, seeing a Psyc will help, I still see mine now.
Talk about her whenever you need too, to everyone who will listen.
Keep her memory alive for your little girl, she will adapt, and gain understanding as she gets older.
I lost my daughter at 41 weeks and 2 days old, my other children were young, the youngest been only 2.
She knows about her sister but doesn't really understand the concept of death even now (she is 6 now).
We are all here if you need to talk,
Thinking of you and Anastasia (beautiful name for a precious girl).
Take care,