Maisy - I am so sorry for the death of your precious and beautiful daughter Sophie. Such a beautiful and pretty name. You are so brave for coming on to BB and sharing. Your journey into grief so far, seems pretty "normal" whatever that is now. The only way forward is a moment at a time. Your new normal will change over time and it probably won't be revealed to you for a while.
You will always be Sophie's mother and a part of you will dwell forever in the time you had with her, from discovering your pregnacy, through your pregnancy, your labour and your time with your darling angel on this earth, even though far too short. As hard as it is at times, though, these are your precious memories of your baby girl. Honour them, now and into the future as you feel you need to.
I agree with Blessed at Last - I am not sure the pain/anger/sense of unfairness/ aching ever goes away, but it becomes something that's less in the front of all that you do, and a bit like an old hat - you get to know it and understand it a bit better, and you may not like it, but get used to the fact that it's there. But there will also be times where your grief surprises you and comes out of left field.
What worked for me? Iniitally just crying a lot and being with people who I knew would support and protect me, writing lists of things I needed to do just to function, taking small steps to re-enter the world but not being too hard on myself if I couldn't do it or broke down, finding BB, eventually finding the most perfect and amazing counsellor, spending a lot of time thinking about my angel babies ( one of mine is a Sophie too), finding ways to memoralise them, learning as you seem to have that those closest around me whilst they love me and support me, could only deal with and offer so much to me ( sort of like they get grief fatigue), so it's good to find other mummies to forever babies, because we all understand and I can honestly say I don't get grief fatigue, journalling how I felt, doing as much reading on grief and bereavement as I could, making sure I kept connected with my DH and doing trhings with him but also asking him about his feelings as he was greiving too, writing out my pregnancy and birth stories and giving myself a whole heap of time and space to adjust. I took time away from work, and gradually went back to work.
I have experienced multiple losses and it doesn't get any easier, but what it does is gives me a bit of a roadmap for what my grief journey might be like. Sometimes I am still overwhelmed by my grief, and other times not so much. it's so hard to predict
One of the things that helps me face each day is I made a promise to my angels that, even though they didn't get to live their lives, their spirit and love live on through me. They guide me in all that I do, and give me strength and love that I never knew, I have truly been touched bygrace. I am the living embodiment of my hopes and dreams for them and that is what gets me through. But we all find our own way.....
Maisy - my heart goes out to you that your darling Sophie was only with you for such a short time. I don't know what you're going through, only that to suffer such a loss would be beyond heartbreaking.
Wishing you, your DD1 and family all the best.
Andie xx
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