Yep. It is life after loss. You move forward, continue living in the new existence you are forced to forge into. But it still hurts like it just happened. Some days you look at your babies and smile at the blessing in front of you. Other days that smile is tinged with sadness as you remember what is missing. I wouldn't necessarily have this family, this life without losing Caitlyn (and Greg) but I also know I would give almost anything to have them still part of this life we are experiencing. It is almost like a bad dream, a fictitious story that is hard to believe it really is your reality. I don't know if there will ever be a place or time when my experience of now isn't tinged with the experiences of loss. But I know that those extremes of emotion makes me appreciate the good and precious times more than I might have.
I am begining to realise that this is indeed life after loss. This is my "new" life and i dont get a say in it. It is unbeleiveably sad but when i look at my littlest man i feel such guilt because if Kyarna was here, if my life had of gone the way i felt it should, he wouldnt be here...
Hugs Dory xxx
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